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  1. #1
    metarat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Tucson, Arizona
    Posts
    282
    Style
    Taijiquan
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Ready, . . . Aim, . . . metarat !

    I'm usually too busy to get in and read much, but I've been lurking beneath the stairs with the other cannibal albinos for some time now . . .

    I was a poor, bullied fat kid in junior high school. The martial arts literally saved my life. No,
    actually, I was a poor, bullied fat kid, then one day in 10th grade realized hey, I'm a big fatass ( 5'11" and 220lbs), and I can pick up most any of the kids harassing me and put them in the 55gallon drum garbage cans. Head first. I have remained more pragmatic and improvisational than formalist in my studies to this day.

    Some time later, I took judo at the local community college. I learned many devastating techniques. Then, a couple weeks into the class, we actually started bouts and a guy on the wrestling team upended me and dropped me on my head, tearing my trapezius, so I had to drop the class. Nonetheless, I took away many valuable lessons; to this day, I never enter a darkend parking lot at night without first shooting anyone who looks like a wrestler.

    Years later I was in Micronesia, as a medic (weekend warrior) supporting an Army engineer construction mission, when a 5th dan Hapkido guy rolled up and offered to start teaching us. I learned many secret super-deadly techniques. I am especially devastating if, in the middle of a fight, you--- accept my offer to shake hands! Or, even better, you let me grab ONE of your hands with BOTH of mine! Woo-hoo, you don't want to know what happens then! Unfortunately, I could never do enough fingertip push-ups to make the Master happy (actually, that's true), so I never learned how to kill with a touch.
    (I also couldn't keep my rather large head tucked in when doing "nak-bub", the Ancient Korean Art of flinging oneself enthusiastically onto the ground, and so used to beat the rocky earth with my cranium. The result-- well, I'm here, ain't I?)

    But it was only later, after years of globe-trotting, that I came upon the most devastating of all martial arts: the ultimate secret of Chinese Internal Arts, Taijiquan.

    In fact, Taiji is a lot like Ninjutsu; its so deadly and so secret, that most people doing it actually still think they are totally gay dancers, and don't even realize they have been transformed into merciless killing machines!

    Unfortunately, years of Strip Mall Sifus and Whyteguy Masters have filled my heart full of hate, so I am unfit for the company of my fellow players, who spend their days in genteel conversation of highbrow subjects, like how fortunate they are to do Taiji, how spiritual they are, and how ____ (any of their friends not present) is a dirty bitch.

    Oh yeah, I don't practice enough.

    That's about it.

  2. #2
    GhostOfKimura
    Guest
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    BULL RUSH ON metarat!!!

  3. #3
    metarat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Tucson, Arizona
    Posts
    282
    Style
    Taijiquan
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Thank you Sir may I have another!?

    Oh wait, you're a bot aren't you? ****.

    Howscome the other noobs get nice, civil bots, and I get you? Hmmm hmmm. Keywords? Awesome deadly fighting skills? Or mebbe--- Tie . . . Jee?

    If your bots truly have auto-discriminatory powers, that is awesome! Do you have an intolerant redneck bot? He and I mebbe'd get along!

  4. #4
    BJJ might make you a better ground fighter, but Judo will make you a better dancer. Join us... or die

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    W. Yorks, UK
    Posts
    4,999
    Style
    Judo
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Do not question Kimura.

    Also, don't talk to the bots. You'll only encourage em, and then you know what happens? That's right, Skynet.

    Also, welcome to bullshido.

  5. #5
    metarat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Tucson, Arizona
    Posts
    282
    Style
    Taijiquan
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Thank'ee kindly, Pilgrim!

    The U.S. East Coasters must be sleeping in. I will avoid antagonizing the Bot Who Must Not Be Named, while continuing to offer myself as a soft target for the Antient and Accepted Ritooal of the NoobReam.

  6. #6
    SpringHeeledJack's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Clapham Common
    Posts
    2,384
    Style
    Boxing; Sub. Grappling
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Welcome. That first post was pretty entertaining.


    Now lovely Lucifer, in hell so stark
    King, and lord of sin and pride
    With some mist his wits make dark.
    He send thee grace to be thy guide


    HE LOOKS LIKE A TINY BEAR MIXED WITH A CAT, AND THAT IS THE MEANEST ANIMAL MIXTURE EVER, BEAR FOR FUCKING STRENGTH, AND CAT FOR FUCKING MEAN!!! ************.


  7. #7

    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    18,618
    Style
    Weight Training
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The force is with this one. At least a little bit.
    Surfing Facebook at work? Spread the good word by adding us on Facebook today! https://www.facebook.com/Bullshido

  8. #8
    metarat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Tucson, Arizona
    Posts
    282
    Style
    Taijiquan
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Muchos Gracias!

    It was fun to write, now that its been about twenty years since that judo class and I have full range of motion in my neck . . .

  9. #9
    jnp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    8,365
    Style
    BJJ, wrestling
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Got some style huh, noob? Well, don't think that means we'll take it easy on you. We're a cannibalistic pack of bloodthirsty postwhores who'd eat our own young if you give us a chance. *looks down on the floor*

    Hey, you going to eat that donut lying there?



    Welcome to the boards.
    Shut the hell up and train.

  10. #10
    BJJ might make you a better ground fighter, but Judo will make you a better dancer. Join us... or die

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    W. Yorks, UK
    Posts
    4,999
    Style
    Judo
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    That's not a donut.

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