2/11/2007 3:03am, #1
Ready, . . . Aim, . . . metarat !
I'm usually too busy to get in and read much, but I've been lurking beneath the stairs with the other cannibal albinos for some time now . . .
I was a poor, bullied fat kid in junior high school. The martial arts literally saved my life. No,
actually, I was a poor, bullied fat kid, then one day in 10th grade realized hey, I'm a big fatass ( 5'11" and 220lbs), and I can pick up most any of the kids harassing me and put them in the 55gallon drum garbage cans. Head first. I have remained more pragmatic and improvisational than formalist in my studies to this day.
Some time later, I took judo at the local community college. I learned many devastating techniques. Then, a couple weeks into the class, we actually started bouts and a guy on the wrestling team upended me and dropped me on my head, tearing my trapezius, so I had to drop the class. Nonetheless, I took away many valuable lessons; to this day, I never enter a darkend parking lot at night without first shooting anyone who looks like a wrestler.
Years later I was in Micronesia, as a medic (weekend warrior) supporting an Army engineer construction mission, when a 5th dan Hapkido guy rolled up and offered to start teaching us. I learned many secret super-deadly techniques. I am especially devastating if, in the middle of a fight, you--- accept my offer to shake hands! Or, even better, you let me grab ONE of your hands with BOTH of mine! Woo-hoo, you don't want to know what happens then! Unfortunately, I could never do enough fingertip push-ups to make the Master happy (actually, that's true), so I never learned how to kill with a touch.
(I also couldn't keep my rather large head tucked in when doing "nak-bub", the Ancient Korean Art of flinging oneself enthusiastically onto the ground, and so used to beat the rocky earth with my cranium. The result-- well, I'm here, ain't I?)
But it was only later, after years of globe-trotting, that I came upon the most devastating of all martial arts: the ultimate secret of Chinese Internal Arts, Taijiquan.
In fact, Taiji is a lot like Ninjutsu; its so deadly and so secret, that most people doing it actually still think they are totally gay dancers, and don't even realize they have been transformed into merciless killing machines!
Unfortunately, years of Strip Mall Sifus and Whyteguy Masters have filled my heart full of hate, so I am unfit for the company of my fellow players, who spend their days in genteel conversation of highbrow subjects, like how fortunate they are to do Taiji, how spiritual they are, and how ____ (any of their friends not present) is a dirty bitch.
Oh yeah, I don't practice enough.
That's about it.
2/11/2007 3:05am, #2GhostOfKimuraGuest
BULL RUSH ON metarat!!!
2/11/2007 8:25am, #3
Thank you Sir may I have another!?
Oh wait, you're a bot aren't you? ****.
Howscome the other noobs get nice, civil bots, and I get you? Hmmm hmmm. Keywords? Awesome deadly fighting skills? Or mebbe--- Tie . . . Jee?
If your bots truly have auto-discriminatory powers, that is awesome! Do you have an intolerant redneck bot? He and I mebbe'd get along!
2/11/2007 8:52am, #4
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
- W. Yorks, UK
Do not question Kimura.
Also, don't talk to the bots. You'll only encourage em, and then you know what happens? That's right, Skynet.
Also, welcome to bullshido.
2/11/2007 10:35am, #5
Thank'ee kindly, Pilgrim!
The U.S. East Coasters must be sleeping in. I will avoid antagonizing the Bot Who Must Not Be Named, while continuing to offer myself as a soft target for the Antient and Accepted Ritooal of the NoobReam.
2/11/2007 12:45pm, #6
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Clapham Common
- Boxing; Sub. Grappling
Welcome. That first post was pretty entertaining.
Now lovely Lucifer, in hell so stark
King, and lord of sin and pride
With some mist his wits make dark.
He send thee grace to be thy guide
HE LOOKS LIKE A TINY BEAR MIXED WITH A CAT, AND THAT IS THE MEANEST ANIMAL MIXTURE EVER, BEAR FOR FUCKING STRENGTH, AND CAT FOR FUCKING MEAN!!! ************.
2/11/2007 1:48pm, #7
The force is with this one. At least a little bit.Surfing Facebook at work? Spread the good word by adding us on Facebook today! https://www.facebook.com/Bullshido
2/11/2007 3:45pm, #8
It was fun to write, now that its been about twenty years since that judo class and I have full range of motion in my neck . . .
2/11/2007 4:30pm, #9
Got some style huh, noob? Well, don't think that means we'll take it easy on you. We're a cannibalistic pack of bloodthirsty postwhores who'd eat our own young if you give us a chance. *looks down on the floor*
Hey, you going to eat that donut lying there?
Welcome to the boards.Shut the hell up and train.
2/11/2007 5:15pm, #10
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
- W. Yorks, UK
That's not a donut.