The Onion's answer to school shootings:

**Planktime** · Posted On: 10/17/2006 5:51pm

If I am not mistaken they arm school teachers in Isreal. I dont beleive they have had an attack on a school since around 1973. They had the PLO attacking schools so they armed their teachers. Not the same situation but it worked for them I dont beleive they have had a shooting since. See link below for an interview with some cool folks about this subject. Do I think it will work in the US. Well I am a firm subscriber to the idea that bad **** is occasionally going to happen. You can only prevent so much and crazy people dont see deterants.

PT

http://www.jpfo.org/school.htm

**Nate1481** · Posted On: 10/17/2006 7:45pm

Don't the have a form of national service/conscription so the teachers will know how to use the guns? I can imaging some objecitons to compulsary firearm training for teachers.

Also how long till a teachesr loses it & goes on a rampage?

p.s. would merging the two threads on this be a plan?

**Don Gwinn** · Posted On: 10/17/2006 8:46pm

That would work, except there's not much in this thread that's of any use to anyone.

Seriously, you guys, this is seriously not a gun rights forum.

**Judah Maccabee** · Posted On: 10/20/2006 1:07pm

New idea - textbooks to stop bullets!

http://www.cnn.com/2006/EDUCATION/10....ap/index.html

OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma (AP) -- A candidate for state superintendent of schools said Thursday he wants thick used textbooks placed under every student's desk so they can use them for self-defense during school shootings.

"People might think it's kind of weird, crazy," said Republican Bill Crozier of Union City, Oklahoma, a teacher and former Air Force security officer. "It is a practical thing; it's something you can do. It might be a way to deflect those bullets until police go there."

Crozier and a group of aides produced a 10-minute video Tuesday in which they shoot math, language and telephone books with a variety of weapons, including an AK-47 assault rifle and a 9mm pistol. The rifle bullet penetrated two books, including a calculus textbook, but the pistol bullet was stopped by a single book.

Crozier said the demonstration shows that a student could effectively use a textbook as protection in a school shooting.

=-=-

OMG, I just realized it - kickcatchers idea to use books as a knifeproof vest....

...this governor just appropriated it to stop bullets.

Holy ****.

**Dr. Sleepless** · Posted On: 10/20/2006 4:17pm

The obvious answer is to start having robots with arm mounted 80mm cannons as teachers. Nobody would ever get out of line.

**Phrost** · Posted On: 10/20/2006 6:46pm

The solution to this problem (and a whole host of others in Public Education) will be to increase funding for programs that transition former/retired Military and Law Enforcement personnel into careers as teachers, and get them licensed to carry firearms.

**Boyd** · Posted On: 10/20/2006 9:53pm

Why are we still pretending school shootings are a problem?

**Phrost** · Posted On: 10/20/2006 10:04pm

Originally Posted by The Villain

NO. First of all, I could without the brainwashing. Second, soldiers aren't the model of restrain when it comes to acting as controllors. Cops are better, but I don't trust them when it comes to dealing with provocation, as children will do.

There are already programs that do this, a friend of mine was in one.

You don't think LEOs are trained to deal with provocation and childish behavior? Did you miss out on the past 15 years worth of COPS episodes? Plus, the Military is increasingly being used as a global police force as it is and almost everyone who serves gets some training in this area.

The #1 problem with public schools, shootings aside, is that they're run by P.C. douchebags who are turning each subsequent generation of Americans into uncompetitive, sheltered victims who can't even play tag because they might fall down.

No, we need more people in public schools who weren't coddled in a pillowy-soft suburban environment for more reasons than just to protect students from the 1:1000000000 chance of getting shot by a nutjob.

**Judah Maccabee** · Posted On: 10/20/2006 10:05pm

The #1 problem with public schools, shootings aside, is that they're run by P.C. douchebags who are turning each subsequent generation of Americans into uncompetitive, sheltered victims who can't even play tag because they might fall down.

No, no, it's a CONTACT SPORT.

**Phrost** · Posted On: 10/20/2006 10:10pm

Meanwhile, the children of our enemies are being programmed from diapers to want to hate and murder anyone who doesn't subscribe to their fanatical ideology.