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  1. Kungfoolss is offline

    I restore the Balance

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 2:46am

    Join us... or die
     Style: I wear pants

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    The Senshido founder, Richard Dimitri, sad but True...

    Topic: Common misconceptions about defusing...

    Posted: Wed May 28, 2003 1:38 pm

    ----------------------

    I was speaking with a guy last night who tried my class out and we were discussing defusing a potential violent confrontation. He seem to think that even if you defuse the situation, there's no guarantee that your opponent still won't attack you. To a certain extent, he was right. The chances though, are extremely minimal and even if the attacker does decide to go pre-emptive, due to the defusing stage, he'll be extremely telegraphic due to the sudden change in behavioural attitude.

    However, he had a completely different view of what it meant to defuse... his (and may I add, the majority of general population's idea of defusing) wasn't defusing at all. He figured if he was talking and not hitting, he was automatically defusing. Wrong. Dead wrong.

    Defusing comes with 4 general rules:

    1. Never challenge your opponent. I.e. "Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?"
    2. Never threaten your opponent. "Don't f*** with me, I don't want any trouble."
    3. Never imply your opponent is wrong. "I wasn't looking at your girlfriend."
    4. Never command or tell your opponent what to do and not do. "Relax man, I don't want any trouble."

    The above examples will almost always escalate the situation.

    The guy gave me an example of defusing. He was with his girlfriend and some guy started hitting on her, he immediately placed himself between them in a shielding manner and told the guy she was with him (politely of course). The immediate problem with that is the message being sent through body language was "You're a threat, stay away from my woman." Now regardless of what the words that are coming out of his mouth were, 60 percent of communication is body language. Through simple body language, he escalated the situation and created a deeper problem.

    Before any action is taken, (unless of course, a pre-emptive strike is a choice less choice) one has to have environmental and situational awareness. For example:

    (The following is an excerpt from my online interview with James Bullock) My wife and I were on our Honeymoon in St. Martin. We stayed at a nice hotel, which was on a strip no longer than a half mile that was half sub-urban and half commercial. We were there for 10 days and on the second day, a local man walked up to her while she and I were walking hand in hand and began to arrogantly hit on her.

    Now the previous day, which was our first day there, I quickly scanned the entire neighbourhood, profiled the locals and made myself environmentally aware. I noticed that this fellow hung around several Rastafarians who loitered around the beach area selling drugs, or hung around the front porches of some of the homes on the strip. These young men were all armed with Machetes. At the point where he came to hit on my wife, we were right in front of these homes and his friends were all along the porches of the houses loitering around drinking. My wife tells him she's not interested and he replies, "Come on woman, a fine piece of a** like you don't want some hot island man like me?" She began to get visibly upset and turned to me and said "Rich, take care of this guy!" I turned to him and said, "I'm a lucky guy ain't I?" She looks me at me and says "What?!?!" I tell her to keep quiet and let me handle it. The guy says you sure are, how good is she in bed? I look at him and smile and say "tornado, bro" and wink. Now my wife is really pissed at me. The guy begins to laugh and before he can say anything else, I ask him if has any grass to sell... he says "Sure man, finest on the island". I ask him how much and he says 10 USD. I tell him to get it. He runs off and I turn to my wife and point out the fine gentlemen with the machetes he is running towards. She looks at me and realizes. The guy comes back with a little bag of grass, which I give 12 USD for and tell him the extra 2 is for his kindness. All of a sudden, this guy is my best friend and his buddies are showing me nothing but respect.

    After we walked off, my wife was still fuming but I explained to her that yes, it would have been real easy to go pre-emptive and drop the guy no problem and with no resistance either (he was maybe 5 foot 7 inches and weighed all of 150 pounds at best) but then what? We'd have the local 'dealers' to worry about for the next 9 days. We would be confined to our hotel room for 9 days and we wouldn't be able to walk the strip, hang out on the beach etc. without the fear of being ambushed or attacked by several of these guys. That's no way to spend a vacation let alone a honeymoon.

    The fact that my behaviour towards him didn't threaten him, challenge him or reflect that he was indeed the 'bad guy' didn't escalate the situation in anyway shape or form. Had I reflexively shielded my wife this would have sent him a message that I perceived him as a threat or inferior (not good enough to speak to us) etc. and would have also escalated the situation.

    When defusing, one has to use choice speech congruous to the situation. You need to also have a solid understanding of the type of person you are dealing with on a behavioural level in order to 'speak his language' per say... it's important the potential threat can relate to your words therefore choice dialogue becomes extremely important. You need to control the situation on a psychological level-using psyche. warfare. This is where most fail to understand the power of communication.
    _________________
    Sincerely,
    Richard Dimitri

    http://senshido.savi.ca/viewtopic.php?t=238





    Edited by - kungfoolss on June 25 2003 02:53:59
    Kungfoolss, Scourge of the theory-based stylists, Most Feared man at Bullshido.com, and the Preeminent Force in the martial arts political arena
  2. SLJ is offline

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 5:18am

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     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Yes he is.

    I'm all for avoiding pointless fights, but you must be confident and unsubmissive, his advice is for you to basically bend over and take it, which is wrong.

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Space may be the final frontier,
    But it's made in a Hollywood basement.
    "You realise the transformations give a man enough strength to destroy a truck with his bare hands!?
    YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME, IN THE WORST POSSIBLE MANNER!!" - KiWarrior

    "Sport ? That kind of thing's not my bag baby!" - Sammy Franco

    "This system was developed with the help of notible BJJ fighter Ribbon Muchado." - "Sifu" Anthony Iglesias
  3. Wu De is offline

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 6:13am


     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I like his attitude i think Richard Dimitri is very right and does embody the peaceful way.I don't understand one thing because when the local man hit the woman Richard should have defensed i think.

    I think in general this is good advice because he is peaceful but he should not allow hitting of his wife!What is a machete?Is this a gun?

    I'm lost i don't know how to return to my ask monk topic?
  4. SLJ is offline

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 8:19am

    supporting member
     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    A machete is like a small sword used for hacking.

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Space may be the final frontier,
    But it's made in a Hollywood basement.
    "You realise the transformations give a man enough strength to destroy a truck with his bare hands!?
    YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME, IN THE WORST POSSIBLE MANNER!!" - KiWarrior

    "Sport ? That kind of thing's not my bag baby!" - Sammy Franco

    "This system was developed with the help of notible BJJ fighter Ribbon Muchado." - "Sifu" Anthony Iglesias
  5. cyrijl is offline
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    Light Heavyweight

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 12:15pm

    supporting member
     Style: BJJ, MT, Yoga

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The guy gave me an example of defusing. He was with his girlfriend and some guy started hitting on her, he immediately placed himself between them in a shielding manner and told the guy she was with him (politely of course). The immediate problem with that is the message being sent through body language was "You're a threat, stay away from my woman." Now regardless of what the words that are coming out of his mouth were, 60 percent of communication is body language. Through simple body language, he escalated the situation and created a deeper problem
    Anyone can talk to my girlfriend, but touching and hitting on is a different story...you **** with me. I'm gonna **** with you VERY FUCKING HARD...i'll defuse the situation by changing this guys name from dick to limpy.

    ________________________________________________
    I found the cure for hope
    There is no cheating, there is only jiu-jitsu.
  6. Kungfoolss is offline

    I restore the Balance

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 12:26pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: I wear pants

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Yes he is.

    I'm all for avoiding pointless fights, but you must be confident and unsubmissive, his advice is for you to basically bend over and take it, which is wrong.
    Yes, I tend to agree with your sentiments. I'm just at a loss how someone that's supposedly this "great" combat instructor and founder could demean his own wife to save his skin. You can be assertive without having to resort to blows. Such as, "Hey buddy, she's not interested, Back Off." If they persist, you fight. That's a sad fact of life, but those are the things have to deal with if you're a REAL man.

    I'll tell you why this drug pushing vermin was so overt, because as a predator, instinctively he knew Richard was a wimp; a *****. For all Dimitri's talk about how great his Senshido fighting style is, he's a paper tiger and he proved it to the most important person in his life, his wife. To top everything off, he bought illegal narcotics; breaking the law just to be on the pushers "good side." SIC

    I guess when it came down to proving what kind of man he really was to his wife, he failed miserably. It's no wonder she got pissed. Perhaps, the most pathetic thing has to be how he justifies these cowardly actions in his warped little mind just so he can live with himself. Sad.





    Edited by - kungfoolss on June 25 2003 12:34:09
    Kungfoolss, Scourge of the theory-based stylists, Most Feared man at Bullshido.com, and the Preeminent Force in the martial arts political arena
  7. Fatality Dragon is offline

    Reading FD cause cancer

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 1:38pm


     Style: Muay Thai and boxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Cyril, you should **** guy so hard that he will squeal like a hog getting raped.

    It is a rat eat rat world.

    "A magical place where I have a freakish large penis and I am also the king of the mushroom people." - by Omen Stone
    I would pick bag work over masturbating, fighting over sex, and KOing someone over having a orgasm!
  8. MrMcFu is offline

    Badness will not be rewarded

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 1:54pm

    supporting member
     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I am kinda torn on this - what would have happened if he had talked a little smack and taken the guy out? Would they have chopped him up and taken his wife anyway? Is it better to be a puss than dead? or dead than puss? I don't know if I could do that in his situation without going ape ****, although I do remember how crazy some of those caribbean guys can get . . .

    http://www.zanshin-dojo.de
  9. MrYoya is offline

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 2:17pm


     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Yeah he didn't get hacked up, but his wife was fuming after, he bought the guy's weed and gave him more money than the guy wanted because he himself felt threatened. Plus, what do you think the guy is going to do to the next couple walking by? The same thing! It's pretty profitable.

    But this doesnt mean he needs to bash the guys skull in and declare war on a group of local lowlifes a la Charles Bronson. Fighting shouldn't even be an option here, he's on his honeymoon. Just don't escalate it, walk away and let the guy know you're not here to **** around with him.
  10. elipson is offline
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    Ad Hominem rocks.

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    Posted On:
    6/25/2003 2:25pm

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     Style: BJJ, mma

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I think the guy handled it like a pro! If he had shot his mouth off, he and his wife may have ended up hacked to pieces! Gotta use your head man. Whats the point of **** kicking the guy? He'll prolly never see the guy agian. He got out of a really bad situation, and maybe even got a little protection from that gang in doing so. So his wife has to swallow her pride for a little while, at least they're both alive so she can be pissed off at him.

    If it was just some hoodlum in a park, ya knock him out. But he was in enemy territory, and was gonna be so for another week. Only a fool starts a fight when he's outnumbered facing ppl with weapons and with his wife in the crossfire! His pride may have cost him the very thing he was trying to protect.

    So he's not a big tough guy who fights every guy who hits on his wife, at least they will both live to be happy and old together.

    I'd rather be a happy ***** than a tough dead-man.



    Edited by - elipson on June 25 2003 14:26:27
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