Diary of a Teen Ninja

**CanucKyokushin** · Posted On: 7/10/2006 2:15pm

I hope this ends in some sort of murder-suicide because that would be sweet.

**FictionPimp** · Posted On: 7/10/2006 2:21pm

this made the day go a little faster.

**1bad65** · Posted On: 7/10/2006 2:26pm

This is great. It may well be destined for the Mega-Threads.

Is the Sensei quite large by chance?

**Shinkengata** · Posted On: 7/10/2006 2:39pm

Day 74

Dear Diary,

Im sitting here at home. I got sent home early today cuz i showed up to school in my Ninja gi. What a crock of bullshit. Who else is gonna protect the school if robbers come in or something? The rent-a-cop that patrols the hallways, Mason, only has a can of pepper spray. And most of the time he just uses that on his tacos at lunch.

IT's all good, though. This gives me time to prepare my lesson plan for class tonight. I'm gonna be showing the students advanced sword katas and teach them how to sew shuriken pockets into their JNCO's. We're planning on demonstrating at the Open Classic in a month. I just know we're gonna take all those trophies.

Just had to put my backpack in the washing machine. I had some pepper bombs in there that burst and got all over my books and sh1t. Hazards of the job, i guess. I was hella sneezing and coughing when i opened it up. Imagine how my attackers are gonna feel when i throw it in their faces!!!

(later on)

Class went pretty well. Some kid from a cage fighter school showed up and called us all pussies and homos. He challenged me to a match, but i didn't want to kill him, so i declined. Sensei cast a spell on him , so his penis should be shrinking pretty soon. hehe.

Later, Diary.

**tiktok** · Posted On: 7/10/2006 3:41pm

I have to admit that your tale has brought a smile to my face. Although your story is rife with injustice done to you (I mean seriously, a judo school claiming to defeat teh uber n1nja master??? lolz) it is clear that you are a bright and shining example of martial arts ethics and training. I eagerly await the next installment.

Please continue!

**Poop Loops** · Posted On: 7/10/2006 3:49pm

This stuff is awesome. Especially the "sensei cast a spell on him."

**kungfujew** · Posted On: 7/10/2006 3:49pm

If this all turns out to be plagerized I'm gonna have to strangle some kittens myself... If not, this deserves eventual publication upon completion, followed by sequels and spinoffs.

**Shinkengata** · Posted On: 7/10/2006 4:00pm

Day 88

Dear Diary,

Mom made me get out and get a job if i wanted to still pay for classes, so i got a job as a cook at Burger King. It's cool because i can practice my shuriken throwing with the burger patties. I also like to draw Kuji on the burgers with the ketchup. That's pretty cool. I bet the customers would flip out if they knew a Ninja was making their burgers. The manager is a real a$$hole tho. He told me to stop throwing burgers around. I'm thinking of casting a Kuji on him tonight before bed. Let's see if he fucks with me then. I like to wear my tabi to work because they grip the greasy kitchen floor real well.

I gotta get a shower and then meditate and go to bed. I work at 10 tommorrow. See ya later diary.

Day 93

Dear Diary,

I got fired from work today for squirting secret sauce in a customer's eyes. He was being a total d1ck, telling me that he didnt want mayo and that there was mayo on it. I told him it was secret sauce. He just kept yelling so i flung the secret sauce at his face. He screamed like my sister did when i scared her and her boyfriend that night. It was flippin' awesome.

Sensei said i could work for him, so that's cool. He has me come over every week and cut his grass and clean his house. Im not really cool with him making me do his laundry, tho, because he has a lot of skidmarks in his boxers. Its kinda gross. He also makes me clip his toenails, which im REALLY not crazy about doing, but that's the price you pay to learn the secrets of the Ninja.

I'll write more later, Diary.

Day 99

Dear Diary,

We got disqualified at the Open Classic because some elderly lady in the audience got hit by a shuriken. Hey...its not my fault. She should have came to class and learned shuriken dodging. The cops were talking about arresting us, but decided not to because the shuriken hit her oxygen tank, so she didn't really get injured. They couldn't have arrested us anyway. All we had to do was throw down our smoke bombs and teleport back to our van in the parking lot. When will these mortals learn that they can't take us?

Oh well...another day done. Later, Diary.

**Shinkengata** · Posted On: 7/10/2006 4:32pm

Day 112

Dear Diary,

We went on some night mission exercises last night, which was totally badass. We crept through the woods and painted Kuji on Principal Lindermann's house and threw shurikens at his dog. We were gonna pee on his Volvo, but it's too hard to pull the Ninja gi pants down when you're in full uniform. It was a good mission, and the only downside of it is now me and D1abl0 both have poison ivy hella bad. My face was swollen with it and when some other guys at school asked me what happened today, i just told them i got into a fight with 9 gang members and got hit a few times. Sure, i might have been lying a little, but i guarantee you the guys at school won't mess with me now. haha!

It sucks having poison ivy on your wang, though. Mine looks like a vienna sausage that was left in the microwave too long. God it itches hella bad. No internet porn for me tonight.

Later Diary.