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  1. #1
    Such as thou art, sometime was I. supporting member
    The Wastrel's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    In the interest of tearing down another sanctified piece of cultural garbage, I submit this, a review of Robert Jordan's "Crossroads of Twilight" that I found on amazon.com

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Egwhine smoothed her skirts and sat and pondered about the issue of what to do about the problem concerning matters involving the taking of the White Tower, first considered lo these many many pages ago. Then she had some mulled wine. But not just any mulled wine. This was the finest mulled wine in all of Randland, made from grapes that were as plump and ripe as the finest, sparkling cleavage and sparkled like a thousand silvery moons and that were trampled by feet as pretty as a thousand golden sunsets in the most gorgeous of all wooden tubs...

    Meanwhile, Mat sat there and thought about things and how nice it would be to have a plump serving girl on each knee and a great deal of ale. And Perrin, finding many weevils, weevils of considerable size and ghastliness, in his breakfast cereal, considered that maybe he would think about considering the possible rescue of his annoying wife Faile, whom he loved, deeply, more deeply than anyone who ever imagined anything imagined. Even though she was more annoying than someone hitting you with a carboard tube and saying "Yeeee! Yeeee! Yeeee!" over and over and over and still over again. And much, much, more did Perrin ponder over another bowlful of weevils, much that would ultimately, indeed, lead to much, much, more pondering...

    Nynaeve twitched and fidgeted and tugged her braid. In truth, no one was safe from her formidable braid-tugging. Not even the rough side of her tongue was as greatly feared. Anyway, as did her friends, so, too, did Nynaeve ponder and ruminate. And ruminate and ponder. Truly did she miss Lan and how he liked the color blue...

    And Rand ...sat there and ...brooded. And mused. And still brooded and mused till his brow darkened with the brooding and the musing and...oy! Dark One save us all!





    "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - for ever."

    Edited by - The Wastrel on May 26 2003 18:46:45
    Normally, I'd say I was grappling, but I was taking down and mounting people, and JFS has kindly informed us that takedowns and being mounted are neither grappling nor anti grappling, so I'm not sure what the **** I was doing. Maybe schroedinger's sparring, where it's neither grappling nor anti-grappling until somoene observes it and collapses the waveform, and then I RNC a cat to death.----fatherdog

  2. #2
    Such as thou art, sometime was I. supporting member
    The Wastrel's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Has anyone ever read "The Eye of Argon"?

    "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - for ever."
    Normally, I'd say I was grappling, but I was taking down and mounting people, and JFS has kindly informed us that takedowns and being mounted are neither grappling nor anti grappling, so I'm not sure what the **** I was doing. Maybe schroedinger's sparring, where it's neither grappling nor anti-grappling until somoene observes it and collapses the waveform, and then I RNC a cat to death.----fatherdog

  3. #3
    elipson's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Robert Jordan has got nothing on Tolkien.

    "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind"
    -Ghandi

    "I have found the essence of Bushido: to die!"

  4. #4
    Halogen's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Ugh, I forced myself through book 9 of that tripe, halfway through book 10 I gave up and started reading something else. How Robert Jordan can write so much and have so little happen astounds me.

  5. #5

    Join Date
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    what's that Wastrel? fantasy novel?

    god awful writing.

    i take it this is popular now.

    peace.

    " a cow doesnt whinny, and a horse has no udder, back is to the sides, and sideways is straight ahead"

  6. #6
    Mercurius's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The Wastrel, for a while I thought what you'd posted was someone's Bulwer-Lytton entry.
    "The morning glory blooms for an hour. It differs not at heart from the giant pine, which lives for a thousand years."

  7. #7
    Such as thou art, sometime was I. supporting member
    The Wastrel's Avatar
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    Bulwer-Lytton? Is that a bad fiction prize? "The Eye of Argon" was the winner of a bad fiction prize many years ago. Do any search for it and you should come up with it.

    "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - for ever."
    Normally, I'd say I was grappling, but I was taking down and mounting people, and JFS has kindly informed us that takedowns and being mounted are neither grappling nor anti grappling, so I'm not sure what the **** I was doing. Maybe schroedinger's sparring, where it's neither grappling nor anti-grappling until somoene observes it and collapses the waveform, and then I RNC a cat to death.----fatherdog

  8. #8
    Such as thou art, sometime was I. supporting member
    The Wastrel's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I read the first few WoT books many many years ago, after the fourth, I was done. So then a few years back, I was curious and I checked the rest out from the library and FORCED myself to read them all.

    It's not just that nothing happens but tea parties and angry arm-crossing. It's incredibly bad writing.

    "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - for ever."
    Normally, I'd say I was grappling, but I was taking down and mounting people, and JFS has kindly informed us that takedowns and being mounted are neither grappling nor anti grappling, so I'm not sure what the **** I was doing. Maybe schroedinger's sparring, where it's neither grappling nor anti-grappling until somoene observes it and collapses the waveform, and then I RNC a cat to death.----fatherdog

  9. #9

    Join Date
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    "And much, much, more did Perrin ponder over another bowlful of weevils, much that would ultimately, indeed, lead to much, much, more pondering..."

    "did Nynaeve ponder and ruminate. And ruminate and ponder. Truly did she miss Lan and how he liked the color blue..."


    hahahaah, maybe if we "pondered" a bit more

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  10. #10
    Such as thou art, sometime was I. supporting member
    The Wastrel's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    What's sad is that this parody is much better written than the real thing.

    "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - for ever."
    Normally, I'd say I was grappling, but I was taking down and mounting people, and JFS has kindly informed us that takedowns and being mounted are neither grappling nor anti grappling, so I'm not sure what the **** I was doing. Maybe schroedinger's sparring, where it's neither grappling nor anti-grappling until somoene observes it and collapses the waveform, and then I RNC a cat to death.----fatherdog

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