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  1. mrblackmagic is offline
    mrblackmagic's Avatar

    My pleasure.

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    Posted On:
    7/04/2006 11:21am

    Join us... or die
     Style: yang taichi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Jeet Kune Do
    I am not sure, no offence for those who practice the art, but lets face it, its not something you can use everyday, I mean what if someone attacks you with a knife or some **** like that, what are you gonna do, dance around and crawl through the shadows, thats just Martial Art Bullshit, again no offence, but all
    Trollshido anyone.
    Sumus extra manum tuam.
  2. Dagon Akujin is offline
    Dagon Akujin's Avatar

    "I feel naked I was so distracted by your penis"

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    Posted On:
    7/05/2006 1:02pm


     Style: Ving Tsun

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I had a strange run-in yesterday.

    I was at a coffee shop and saw a kid come in with a "Quest Martial Arts" t-shirt. I thought, "Team Quest? I wonder if that kid does MMA. I'll ask him." But he was thin, pasty, and a bit gangly. I waited, sensing that something was wrong.

    Then I noticed the back of the shirt. "To Shin Do". Huh? I thought it sounded Korean, but the lettering with it looked Japanese. He sat close to me, reading a book called "Your Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Habit of Adult Underachievement" and writing a paper on it. I wondered if he was writing it for "To Shin Do" class.

    Later on that night I went outside and "To Shin Do" guy was talking to one of my friends. I noticed that he kept doing little moves while he was talking, almost as if something from the shadows was going to attack him. Then he started talking about how one time "while training on an island" he was "attacked by a goose while swordfighting in the water". He said he blocked it with his bokken, and then it came back at him and he knocked it unconscious. The world looked darker around me. "Could this be? Is this a dreaded Ninjer that talks before me at this very moment?" My mind raced... or at least was slightly or somewhat amused.

    Someone mentioned Ohio. Fucking mistake. "Ohio has an amazing martial arts scene. They have more ninja than any other state!"

    "Like, r3a1 ninja?" I asked.

    "Yeah! Master Hayes, the highest ranked ninja in the U.S. is based there. He's like, 15th..."

    I cut him off. "15th dan? He can't be the highest then. What about all of those mail-order 128th dans?"

    He gave me an odd look. I thought that maybe he suspected something. "Well, those guys aren't real. They just think they are. The only guys in the world better than Master Hayes are in Japan. I want to go to Japan one day. It's awesome. I want to get a cherry-blossom tattoo."

    "I blame the 80's."

    "Our belts are real though. The main guy in Japan decided to make lots of money off of people willing to give it to him so that he could build a nice dojo for his real students."

    "You mean Hatsumi?" He looked concerned, almost confused. "To Shin Do" boy cocked his head to the side.

    "Yeah," he continued. "At least we're not Tae Kwon Do. I mean, their martial art isn't even real!"

    "Yeah, at least you guys don't have 6th dans.... who are 8 years old!" We both laughed a little. He laughed a little uncomfortably. "Seriously though, ninjitsu isn't real either. I mean, it's not a fighting art at all."

    "No, ninjitsu is very real. I mean, I've been learning tons of moves..."

    "But ninjitsu itself isn't fighting. Are you bujitsu or taijitsu?"

    He stared at me, almost sad, I thought. "Yes," he said to my question. He was breathing through his mouth, his eyes wide open. It felt the the fucking climax of every goddamn romance movie with him looking at me that way. But he looked afraid.

    Then he asked it. As if I was some hidden shadow savior that had materialized out of the darkness was there to test him. As if I was the masked shinobi lord who had floated down into his measly existence. As if he was going to ask for my autograph. "Are you... ninja?"




    I laughed him off and didn't answer. The nerd lighting fireworks came over and started asking all of us if we had any old Magic cards that he could buy. "To Shin Do" boy continued to look at me in wonderment, but took his leave as "I play Magic to help me be more social" guy took over.

    Dagon
  3. kungfujew is offline
    kungfujew's Avatar

    Sexe dans la derriŤre!

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    Posted On:
    7/05/2006 1:10pm

    supporting member
     Style: Muay Thai Khmer

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    *tear*
    That was a beautiful story...
    "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." H.L. Mencken
  4. Feryk is offline

    Boneheaded Optimist

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    Posted On:
    7/05/2006 1:26pm

    supporting member
     Style: Wado Kai

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Where's the part where you challenge him to a _ing _un vs. Ninja Throwdown?

    Dammit!
    Quote Originally Posted by pauli
    i was once told that "do" means wrecking people's **** for your own philosophical betterment.

    Quote Originally Posted by melvin_peebles
    I could be mistaking dumbness for delusion. I'll have to go dig out my DSM IV. It's great to have stumbled upon this site. The rich fauna and flora of mental dysfunction that exists in the martial arts is amazing. It's like the Galapagos.
  5. Dagon Akujin is offline
    Dagon Akujin's Avatar

    "I feel naked I was so distracted by your penis"

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    Posted On:
    7/05/2006 1:33pm


     Style: Ving Tsun

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Feryk
    Where's the part where you challenge him to a _ing _un vs. Ninja Throwdown?

    Dammit!
    It would have proven useless... I didn't have a video camera.
  6. Feryk is offline

    Boneheaded Optimist

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    Posted On:
    7/05/2006 2:45pm

    supporting member
     Style: Wado Kai

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    We would have accepted ER doctor's reports, you know.
    Quote Originally Posted by pauli
    i was once told that "do" means wrecking people's **** for your own philosophical betterment.

    Quote Originally Posted by melvin_peebles
    I could be mistaking dumbness for delusion. I'll have to go dig out my DSM IV. It's great to have stumbled upon this site. The rich fauna and flora of mental dysfunction that exists in the martial arts is amazing. It's like the Galapagos.
  7. mrblackmagic is offline
    mrblackmagic's Avatar

    My pleasure.

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    Posted On:
    7/05/2006 3:06pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: yang taichi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Dagon Akujin
    awesome story

    Now that's how you write a ninjas suck thread! The n00b's village should be burned, his land salted, and he should banned for 3 days.
    Sumus extra manum tuam.
  8. Backdraft is offline

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    7/05/2006 3:11pm


     Style: Shootfighting

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    God damnit, that was funny.
    Are you...Ninja?
    www.askaninja.com
  9. DerAuslander is offline
    DerAuslander's Avatar

    Valiant Monk of Booze & War

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    Posted On:
    7/05/2006 3:11pm

    supporting memberstaff
     Style: BJJ/C-JKD/KAAALIII!!!!!!!

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Fucking ninja...
  10. Backdraft is offline

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    7/06/2006 4:43pm


     Style: Shootfighting

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    What, me?
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