Posted On:5/25/2006 9:23am
I'm a young cop who's recently been really shaken up. I found myself back in misery mode...almost as bad as after I got back. I was doing well, good job, good friends...everything seemed to make sense. Recently I had to send someone home and I'm all fucked up. It's not like war....it's the fucking bullshit of the fucked up human condition. I feel like I'm stuck in a fucking eclipse.
I think I made an account here because I trust martial artists and needed help. I instead have dicotamized, good man during the day and venting my demons here at night. It's as if I still go out of my way to make a better life... but I fucking hate everything about people. The ignorance the contempt the fucking stupidity. I go to work and put on a happy face but its contemptuous to my soul.
I know I need to find my center. I pray, I bite my tongue, I meditate...all bullshit. I know drinking is supposed to make it worse, but at least it lets me vent. There are women who want to help but they have no fucking idea.
What the **** sir? I need to find balance but feel lost. Shrinks make me want to pound their skull through the fucking wall... but they don't know. I shoot the **** with toughguys... but they're barely better.
Should I keep on going like this is grieving and I'll get over it. I'm putting myself out here. Any military/cops that have some advice... I could really use it. Actually any good advice is welome.
Last edited by Armed&Hammered; 5/25/2006 9:41am at .
My guns bigger than Scrapper's!
Posted On:5/25/2006 9:44am
How long have you been on the force? You'd be surprised what you can get used to over time.
Personally when things hit d@ SUCK at work, and in TRADOC they do quite a bit, I savory my other activities that much more. I beat pple up (legally), play with my kids, read, etc. I like setting fun things to look forward to help time go by.
Xiao Ao Jiang Hu Zhi Dong Fang Bu Bai (Laughing Proud Warrior Invincible Asia) Dark Emperor of Baji!!!
Didn't anyone ever tell him a fat man could never be a ninja
You can't practice Judo just to win a Judo Match! You practice so that no matter what happens, you can win using Judo!
The key to fighting two men at once is to be much tougher than both of them.
Posted On:5/25/2006 10:02am
Style: Gracie Barra Jiu Jitsu
Maybe your in the wrong career.
Eduardo "Why'd you stop."
Me "I was kicked in the head by the guys sparring next to me."
Eduardo "Ino what happened but i didnt say you could stop."
Me "Um.. I guess I keep going."
Eduardo "You dont stop until i say stop, you dont get tired until i say your tired, keep going."
Originally posted by Ralek
My cousin gave me some tapes of him doing tkd. I learned from those tapes. When I beat up an Akido instructor, and made him take rest breaks, I used TKD. I learned Bjj from watching ufc and pride and then I copied them and wrestled my cousin for practice. I choked him out and he tapped.
Posted On:5/25/2006 10:08am
Pray for those you hate. Worked for me as a C.O.
Posted On:5/25/2006 10:25am
Style: BJJ, wrestling
You need someone to talk to, and I don't mean a bunch of people on a forum. I mean a person sitting in front of you. Find a therapist, priest, older cop, whatever. Make sure this person has had experiences similar to yours. IOW that they have been down in the **** at some point in their life. This makes all the difference in the world.
I needed someone to talk to after Desert Storm. I found that I wasn't comfortable talking to people who had never had any experience with the military and the high stress situations that go along with being in the service. So I found a counselor who was retired military. I could talk to this guy because he knew where I was coming from.
Whatever you do, don't let your current mental state fester. Whether you realize it or not, the internal pressure is building. Don't wait until you go off on some poor slob. Take care of this ASAP. The longer you wait, the worse it will become. Unfortunately it will neither be easy nor quick to deal with this kind of ****, but the alternative sucks more. Believe me, I know.
I know of a number of older LEO's and ex-military who are divorced now and well on their way to an advanced case of cirrhosis because they were too stubborn or stupid to seek help. Don't be one of these guys.
Shut the hell up and train.
Posted On:5/25/2006 11:31am
Lord Asia thanks... it seems like the suck times 10 He was a fucking kid, scared to death, full of adrenalin...on the run, fight or flight... he could've just dropped it. I was cleared but I feel like ****. I'm far from the only one, some brohers have two and even three, but they're oldtimers. They told me there was no choice and at the time there wasn't. He wasn't my first but he wasn't a soldier either. Why the **** is it so different? Fucking scumfuck... I try to give it to God but this is different. Soldiers have a pact with God, this was a fucking kid. I protect people for ****'s sake. This isn't how it was meant to be.
Dark Overlord of the Bullshido Underworld
Posted On:5/25/2006 11:36am
Style: Taai Si Ji Kung Fu
Go see someone NOW. Don't wait.
If you don't like them, FIND SOMEONE ELSE. Don't delay.
KEEP GOING BACK. Don't **** around.
Calm down, it's only ones and zeros.
"Your calm and professional manner of response is really draining all the fun out of this. Can you reply more like Dr. Fagbot or something? Call me some names, mention some sand in my vagina or something of the sort. You can't expect me to come up with reasonable arguments man!" -- MaverickZ
"Tom Kagan spins in his grave and the fucking guy isn't even dead yet." -- Snake Plissken
My Bullshido fan club threads:
Tom Kagan's a big hairy...
Tom Kagan can lick my BALLS
Tom Kagan teaches _ing __un and bigotry?
Tom Kagan: Serious discussion here
Lamokio asks the burning question is Tom Kagan a ***** or just cruising for some
I'm Dave the gay Kickboxer from Manchester and I have the hots for Tom Kagan
TOM KAGAN, OPEN ME, THE MKT ARE COMING FOR YOU ! ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH TO MEET ?
ATTN TOM KAGAN
World Dominator 'Kagan' in plot to lie about real Kung Fu and Martial Arts
Tom Kagan just gave me my third negative rep in a day
I am infatuated with Tom Kagan
Tom Kagan is a fat balding white guy.
Valiant Monk of Booze & War
Posted On:5/25/2006 12:03pm
Agreed with Tom.
You need to see someone soon.
I can understand not wanting to see the shrinks you've likely been assigned, but see someone.
Posted On:5/25/2006 12:09pm
Style: Japanese Jujutsu / aikido
Originally Posted by Bizzaro Root
Maybe your in the wrong career.
That's just what i was going to say, maybe you should find something that dosen't have you walking around with a gun at your side.
Posted On:5/25/2006 12:23pm
Style: BBT/Flinging poo
Dude, PTSD doesn't effect only soldiers. It's sounding like you really need to talk with someone about this. find somone that has experience with PTSD cases.
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