resident sick ****
Posted On:5/19/2006 10:58pm
Style: Being a total psychopath
1. 23; That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken you to read this sentence.
2. Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest
in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black
screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
3. Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through
4. Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity.
Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
5. The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever
recorded in human history.
6. Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
7. Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six
of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure
gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was
killed in the pilot episode.
8. Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can
triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold
chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
9. When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk
gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
10. Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
11. If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of
12. Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
nothing but T's.
13. During one of his frequent time-traveling adventures, Mr. T was
accosted by a horde of frenzied Olde Englishmen who believed he was "Mr.
Tea" and that he was going to supply them with all the tea and crumpets
they could possibly desire. With a single blow, Mr. T knocked the entire
mob unconscious. To this day, English people still have gnarly-ass teeth.
14. The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase
"We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft
of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
15. Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big
16. Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead
mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T
17. Small animals find Mr. T irresistable and can be found playing in his
mohawk. Mr. T tolerates them because "they don't give me no lip."
18. Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't
take up much room.
19. When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no
20. Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.
21. Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but
only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up
to be Gary Coleman and Webster.
22. Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive,
it's because Mr T loves you.
23. Mr. T can count past infinity
24. Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that
you can't do ****, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one
can stop that crazy fool.
25. Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting
26. When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better f-ing run.
27. Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.
28. Mr.T does not grow a mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair
trying to give you the finger.
29. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12
minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.
30. Mr. T was the first man on the moon, and claimed it by carving a
gigantic "T" stretching from horizon to horizon. In his wisdom, he carved
it on the dark side, as a warning to any aliens who might even think of
Posted On:5/19/2006 11:07pm
Style: Dancing the Spears
If this spreads, and people start making lame Mr T jokes in the same vein as the lame chuck norris jokes and ninja jokes, i'm killing you.
Posted On:5/19/2006 11:09pm
Style: In Transition
Funny. Where did you steal them from?
Posted On:5/19/2006 11:10pm
I also posted threads about the awesome ninja jokes. Someone got to Chuck Norris before me. 2 out of 3 is good enough for me.
Originally Posted by War Phalange
Funny. Where did you steal them from?
I forgot and it was only 5 minutes ago. Damn internet.
Posted On:5/19/2006 11:18pm
That's old. Very old. They are ACTUALLY older than the Chuck Norris jokes and from the same site. They just never caught on in the way that the Chuck Norris ones did.
And they were at one point funny but now I've about had it up to the optical orbs with the "________ is so awesome he once ________'d a _________ with(or without a _________ all the way in his __________"
There are also some decent Jack Bauer ones.
Posted On:5/19/2006 11:21pm
Except that Jack Bauer is like a shitty Solid Snake, so he can go to hell.
Posted On:5/19/2006 11:22pm
I second that notion.
Posted On:5/20/2006 1:39am
Style: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
There's also Vin Diesel facts, in case that deaf blind guy over there in the corner doesn't know about them.
"No. Listen to me because I know what I'm talking about here." -- Hannibal
Posted On:5/20/2006 10:17am
"I pity da foo' dat make a bad joke about Mista T."
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