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  1. Mr. Jones is offline
    Mr. Jones's Avatar

    resident sick ****

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    Dec 2005
    Location
    Dallas
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    Posted On:
    5/19/2006 10:58pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Being a total psychopath

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Mr. T Says I Pity The Fool

    1. 23; That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
    taken you to read this sentence.

    2. Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest
    in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black
    screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

    3. Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through
    doors.

    4. Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity.
    Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

    5. The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
    What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever
    recorded in human history.

    6. Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
    around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.


    7. Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six
    of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure
    gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was
    killed in the pilot episode.

    8. Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can
    triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold
    chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
    9. When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk
    gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.

    10. Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
    prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

    11. If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of
    the Sun.

    12. Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
    genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
    nothing but T's.

    13. During one of his frequent time-traveling adventures, Mr. T was
    accosted by a horde of frenzied Olde Englishmen who believed he was "Mr.
    Tea" and that he was going to supply them with all the tea and crumpets
    they could possibly desire. With a single blow, Mr. T knocked the entire
    mob unconscious. To this day, English people still have gnarly-ass teeth.


    14. The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase
    "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft
    of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.

    15. Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big
    Bang.

    16. Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead
    mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T
    wants.
    17. Small animals find Mr. T irresistable and can be found playing in his
    mohawk. Mr. T tolerates them because "they don't give me no lip."

    18. Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't
    take up much room.

    19. When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no
    reason.

    20. Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.


    21. Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but
    only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up
    to be Gary Coleman and Webster.

    22. Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive,
    it's because Mr T loves you.

    23. Mr. T can count past infinity
    24. Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that
    you can't do ****, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one
    can stop that crazy fool.

    25. Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting
    pain.

    26. When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better f-ing run.

    27. Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.

    28. Mr.T does not grow a mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair
    trying to give you the finger.

    29. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12
    minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.

    30. Mr. T was the first man on the moon, and claimed it by carving a
    gigantic "T" stretching from horizon to horizon. In his wisdom, he carved
    it on the dark side, as a warning to any aliens who might even think of
    attacking.
  2. Anna Kovacs is offline
    Anna Kovacs's Avatar

    Spear Sister

    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Las Vegas, NV
    Posts
    6,421

    Posted On:
    5/19/2006 11:07pm

    supporting membersupporting member
     Style: Dancing the Spears

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    If this spreads, and people start making lame Mr T jokes in the same vein as the lame chuck norris jokes and ninja jokes, i'm killing you.
  3. Poop Loops is offline
    Poop Loops's Avatar

    OOOOOOOOOOAAARRGGHH RLY?

    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Americastan
    Posts
    10,025

    Posted On:
    5/19/2006 11:09pm

    supporting member
     Style: In Transition

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Funny. Where did you steal them from?
  4. Mr. Jones is offline
    Mr. Jones's Avatar

    resident sick ****

    Join Date
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    3,309

    Posted On:
    5/19/2006 11:10pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Being a total psychopath

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I also posted threads about the awesome ninja jokes. Someone got to Chuck Norris before me. 2 out of 3 is good enough for me.
  5. Mr. Jones is offline
    Mr. Jones's Avatar

    resident sick ****

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    Dallas
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    3,309

    Posted On:
    5/19/2006 11:10pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Being a total psychopath

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by War Phalange
    Funny. Where did you steal them from?
    I forgot and it was only 5 minutes ago. Damn internet.
  6. Binary is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Chattanooga Tennessee
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    339

    Posted On:
    5/19/2006 11:18pm


     Style: Kali

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    BWHAHAHAhahahaohgodIhatetheinternet.


    That's old. Very old. They are ACTUALLY older than the Chuck Norris jokes and from the same site. They just never caught on in the way that the Chuck Norris ones did.

    And they were at one point funny but now I've about had it up to the optical orbs with the "________ is so awesome he once ________'d a _________ with(or without a _________ all the way in his __________"

    There are also some decent Jack Bauer ones.
  7. Poop Loops is offline
    Poop Loops's Avatar

    OOOOOOOOOOAAARRGGHH RLY?

    Join Date
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    Location
    Americastan
    Posts
    10,025

    Posted On:
    5/19/2006 11:21pm

    supporting member
     Style: In Transition

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Except that Jack Bauer is like a shitty Solid Snake, so he can go to hell.
  8. Binary is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Chattanooga Tennessee
    Posts
    339

    Posted On:
    5/19/2006 11:22pm


     Style: Kali

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I second that notion.
  9. Cassius is online now
    Cassius's Avatar

    Moderator

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    6,987

    Posted On:
    5/20/2006 1:39am

    supporting memberforum leader
     Style: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    There's also Vin Diesel facts, in case that deaf blind guy over there in the corner doesn't know about them.
    "No. Listen to me because I know what I'm talking about here." -- Hannibal
  10. Neildo is offline
    Neildo's Avatar

    Senior Member

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    Location
    Vancouver BC
    Posts
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    Posted On:
    5/20/2006 10:17am

    Join us... or die
     Style: FBSD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!


    "I pity da foo' dat make a bad joke about Mista T."
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