God needs your help!

**DAYoung** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 1:05am

HI THERE HEATHEN, GOT A MOMENT?

Here at Spruiking For God, we want to show you how Yahweh is 'The Only God You'll Need.'TM

WANT PROOF?

Zeus killed his father - God got to His son first!

Egyptians had to die to see their Gods - you can see God in a taco!

The Greeks were pansy-arsed faggots - God is womb-expanding *****-fucker!

The Hindus have countless little deities - God is just plain God!

God is the best choice for you and your family!

CALL 1-800-SPRUIKINGFORGOD NOW!

**Moleculo** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 1:51am

Dear SPRUIKINGFORGOD, my daughter wants a baby real bad but doesn't want to go to the time and mess of having actual sex with a sweaty teen boy.

Is there any way you could arrange a divine porking? (preferably as she slumbers in the velvety contours of her vestal mattress)

**DAYoung** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 1:54am

Originally Posted by Reese

Dear SPRUIKINGFORGOD, my daughter wants a baby real bad but doesn't want to go to the time and mess of having actual sex with a sweaty teen boy.

Is there any way you could arrange a divine porking? (preferably as she slumbers in the velvety contours of her vestal mattress)

Done. I appeared to your little Danae as a glistening stream of semen.

*smokes cigarette*

**Moleculo** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 2:02am

You idiot! you impregnated my FOUR YEAR OLD???

**DAYoung** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 2:07am

Originally Posted by Reese

You idiot! you impregnated my FOUR YEAR OLD???

Don't call your Lord an idiot. 'Idiot' is Greek, and I speak Hebrew (I had the New Testament translated). Plus, I'm actually very civic-minded.

**Moleculo** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 2:10am

Little Danae is actually a bassett hound.

All the puppies will be named Jesus.

**DAYoung** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 2:14am

Originally Posted by Reese

Little Danae is actually a bassett hound.

All the puppies will be named Jesus.

Jesus: sniffing out sinners since the year 1AD.

"If you **** on the floor one more time I'll nail you to a cross."

**Moleculo** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 2:17am

did your how to be funny kit break in the mail before it reached your mountain retreat?

**DAYoung** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 2:25am

Originally Posted by Reese

did your how to be funny kit break in the mail before it reached your mountain retreat?

Fucking eBay.

**king of seals** · Posted On: 5/01/2006 6:10am

"Jesus, after training His crucifix defense for almost two thousand years, is ready to kick your asses. He won't fail this time... The Holy Bible Episode CCCXXXIII: Return of the Christ, now in Churches."