Thread: I'm Considering Suicide
4/12/2006 11:15am, #1
I'm Considering Suicide
So, early yesterday morning, as I continued the inevitable battle with insomnia, I got an IM from a screen name I had never recongnized.
Now...I ain't gonna name name's here...but...
Please, just keep in mind that I suffer from insomnia.
Durnk108: you tell me
Deedeedee: the moon
Durnk108: you're kidding, right?
Deedeedee: it is where I am
Deedeedee: on earth
Deedeedee: Are you in space?
Durnk108: Something like that
Deedeedee: did you see the Crescendolls?
Deedeedee: I hear they passed by
Durnk108: Been busy with other stuff
Deedeedee: Trying to handle my left arm
Deedeedee: it's pissing me off because I can't train now.
Durnk108 : What did you do?
Deedeedee: y'see, it's unresponsive to heavy weight.
Deedeedee: I mean, my hand is awesome. it's in perfect shape, but if I try to lift of 5 lbs I struggle.
Durnk108 : What did you do to it?
Deedeedee: Nothing other than Defranco's Training routine.
Deedeedee: This thing here.
Deedeedee: It's worked for a lot of people and **** was going great up until some guy suggest I try dips.
Deedeedee: ...turned out to be an infinitely bad idea for some reason and my left arm went dead on me after that.
Durnk108: That's nice
*Right about now I slowly begin to lose patience.*
Deedeedee: I think I gave myself carpal tunnel syndrome since that's my main typing and gaming hand, and the extra work happened to be the last straw..
Durnk108: Is that the hand you you use to pleasure yourself as well?
Durnk108: Cuz I'm sure that would just suck
Deedeedee: other hand.
Deedeedee: And it isn't numb, neitha.
Deedeedee: Just the arm.
Deedeedee: The hand's fine.
Deedeedee: Or else I wouldn't be able to type
Durnk108: Wow...It's funny
Durnk108: I just can't seem to bring myself to give a rat's ass...
Deedeedee: So, uh, why'd you ask, again?
Deedeedee: aaanyway, some time from now, I'll be back at the clinic getting a diagnosis.
Durnk108: For your STDs?
Deedeedee: For the arm. STD's are beyond me
Durnk108: Right...in order to have STDs you would have needed to engage in sexual acts with someone other than yourself
Deedeedee: and that just is not going to happen while my mom still has to drive me around...
Durnk108: And you're here bothering me....because?
Deedeedee: Because you seem to be the number-one cool guy(tm) on the boards.
This fool as no respect for LORD ASIA (long may He reign).
Durnk108: And you say that because?
Deedeedee: Because you're AZN and have an AZN sister, lyke omg.
Durnk108: I'm white
Deedeedee: Oh, ****.
Durnk108: My sister is Asian
Deedeedee: You deceived us.
Durnk108: No I didn't.
Deedeedee: okay, well, it doesn't detract from your Cool Points(tm).
You should have seen me.
I danced for joy.
Like in Legends of the Fall.
The one with Brad Pitt.
Greatest movie of all time.
Durnk108: I'm thrilled.
Deedeedee: No, seriously. You represent the paradigm of what everyone from 4chan would like to be.
Durnk108: And what the **** does that mean?
Deedeedee: You're 4chan's role model.
Deedeedee: I went back to 4chan bearing news of a modern Valhalla, you see. One filled with mighty warriors and great men. People saw it and were amazed. As a matter of fact it caused a stir up unril the 6 Million Get, which made everyone forget about it.
Durnk108: What the **** are you talking about?
Deedeedee: But I think we agreed that you represent everyone's ideal role model on there. Condensed version: I told people of 4chan about bullshido, they spazzed out over it and patted me on the back over it until the froums were refreshed. further condensed: they think you along with a few others are awesome.
Durnk108: Why was I chosen as a role model? Why me?
Deedeedee: Everyone thinks the 1812 Overture plays when you post.
Durnk108: Tell them it's Bach's Toccatto Fugue in D Minor or nothing else
Durnk108: Give me a link
Deedeedee: That's what played whenever V blew **** up in V for Vendetta - 4chan's official movie.
Durnk108: Sorry, didn't see it
Deedeedee: Feel free to poast away, if any of them still care about you.
Deedeedee: It was back before the 6 Million Get.
Durnk108: No, I wanna link to where they're talking about me
Deedeedee: Which caused a massive fucking upheaval.
Deedeedee: Oh, well you see, 4chan works like this. Threads aren't saved.
Deedeedee: They are bumped off the board by new threads.
Durnk108: So it's no longer there?
Deedeedee: It's been gone for weeks but I've occasionally posted facts about you on the board.
Deedeedee: Chuck Norris - style.
Deedeedee: Nowadays though the battle is on between the Gaston sympathizers and the Suiseiseki forces.
Durnk108: Like what?
Deedeedee: Idiocy in the style of Vin Diesel facts.
Durnk108: Such as?
Deedeedee: Dude, I love you as much as 4chan might, but I'm not going to pull one of those out at this moment. I used to give those a lot of thought and care.
Durnk108: So...why am I considered so cool by your geek tribe?
Deedeedee: We want to be like you.
Deedeedee: Besides, it's just not you.
Deedeedee: Other people as well.
Durnk108: And why do you want to be like me?
Deedeedee: Mostly the heavy hitters of bullshido.
Since when was I heavy hitter?
Deedeedee: Besides, your sig tipped them off.
Deedeedee: So that we can then (as a 4chan member put it) go Hokuto no Ken on people
Durnk108: So you can what?
Deedeedee: You ask GSX, he said it.
Durnk108: I'm asking you
Deedeedee: That's what he said. Don't ask me, great one, because I didn't get it either.
Durnk108: Tell me this whole thing is a troll.
Deedeedee: What whole thing?
Durnk108: OK, stop speaking in 4chan riddles. Your Great One wants answers.
Durnk108: Why do you all want to be like me?
Deedeedee: Fine. We think you as well as other bullshidotards can kill people with your fists.
Deedeedee: Note that getting punched by a geek is like getting a massage to any of you guys.
Deedeedee: I happened to be one of the hairless monkeys that got dropped out of the jungle into the Valhalla.
Durnk108: I'm sorry to hear that
Deedeedee: So now, I'm training in the gym and in Enshin karate for the good of 4chan and the 4chan deities.
Deedeedee: I will forge my body and become the prodigy of Aus.
Deedeedee: Then I can become the ultimate 4chan member.
Deedeedee: (known as /b/tards.)
Durnk108: Sorry. I've already got a prodigy.
Deedeedee: OH ****!
Durnk108: He sold me a cute Hmong girl who's crazy between the sheets.
Deedeedee: I bring you, Lord, the 666.....th's post!
Durnk108: What do you got for me?
Deedeedee: THE LEGENDARY GET
Deedeedee: *back on topic*
Durnk108: What the **** is a legenday get?
Deedeedee: A legendary post number.
Deedeedee: So, in closing, I'm trying to emulate you all.
Deedeedee: To become the 4chan God.
Deedeedee: I'd like to rise above and beyond the wapanese fucks for...
Deedeedee: ...great justice.
Thank God I finally fell asleep.
I woke up this morning thinking it had all been a bad dream...but no...
4/12/2006 11:24am, #2
What the **** am I looking at? Is that Wataru Akiyama?
All I can say is that I'm glad that I decided not to post any of my various screen names in my profile on bullshido."No. Listen to me because I know what I'm talking about here." -- Hannibal
4/12/2006 11:26am, #3Originally Posted by Garbanzo Bean
Originally Posted by Garbanzo Bean
Originally Posted by Garbanzo Bean
4/12/2006 11:27am, #4
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Wilmington, NC, USA
Now, DerAuslander, the appropriate response is not suicide. It's a well planned and executed preemptive strike on the fucktard.
Seriously, I have insomnia too. PM me for a better list of things to do then deal with online fucktards.
4/12/2006 11:29am, #5
What would be the abridged version of the entire conversation?That civilisation may not sink,
Its great battle lost,
Quiet the dog, tether the pony
To a distant post;
Our master Caesar is in the tent
Where the maps are spread,
His eyes fixed upon nothing,
A hand under his head.
- W.B. Yeats
4/12/2006 11:31am, #6
- Join Date
- Jul 2003
First, while suicide seems a bit radical, you SHOULD punish yourself for posting chat logs, especially logs as strange as that one.
Secondly, +rep for Conrad reference.
What is 4chan? Some forum for Japanophiles, manga-nerds?
4/12/2006 11:31am, #7Originally Posted by WingChun Lawyer
4/12/2006 11:33am, #8
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- South Shore, LI
Note: I wasn't overly serious about the AZN thing because the abbreviation AZN is used for wapanese and people who have 1% asian blood in them in most of my circles.
In closing, the point is that you guys are all really awesome dudes that those of us who happened to run by this website, this Valhalla of the Internets, happen to worship.
That is, if we haven't already found new gods to unite under. 4channers are fickle.
4/12/2006 11:33am, #9Originally Posted by Shawarma
Originally Posted by Shawarma
Originally Posted by Shawarma
So why am I their idol (among other unnamed BS posters)?
4/12/2006 11:33am, #10Originally Posted by DerAuslander108