Page 1 of 2 12 Last
  1. #1
    DerAuslander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
    Posts
    18,449
    Style
    BJJ/C-JKD/KAAALIII!!!!!!!
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    The Incredible Edible Auslander!!!

    OK...so I'm not a newbie.

    We didn't have this Newbietown thing when I showed up, so I never got to explain my greatness to everyone here. I mean, really, I'm just great.

    Not only that...but I never got an Omega Welcome! What the heck?!? I feel soooo unloved, guys. I got flamed by JFS, threatened with a Gongsau by Bud Shi Dist, and told my Taekwondo sucks by MaverickZ (boy did I prove him wrong), but it was nowhere near as satisfying being anally raped by Omega, Master of Anal, would be.

    So, yeah, my background....ummmm...I'm short, bald, and kind of teddy bear like, at least that's what the ladies tell me. I'm a ravenous fan of bad kung fu movies. I was born in the Year of the Sheep. I like long walks on the beach, cuddling by the fire, and cunnilingus.

    I've studied Taekwondo for17 years, and I think it sucks for the most part, but it's gotten me where I am, and I like where I am. There are tons of cute girls where I am. That's a good thing.

    I love doing forms. Love it! In fact, I practice Taekwondo's deadliest form every day!

    My existential philosophy in regards to bacon is that bacon is an inferior meat product.

    All you need is SPAM.

    And just to make this an official Auslander post...

    This is why I do Taekwondo:



    Peace!

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    9,910
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Are they provided as part of your dojo's services? Is that why you pay $500 an hour for "instruction".

  3. #3
    DerAuslander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
    Posts
    18,449
    Style
    BJJ/C-JKD/KAAALIII!!!!!!!
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Samuel Browning
    Are they provided as part of your dojo's services? Is that why you pay $500 an hour for "instruction".
    No.

    You have to earn the right.

    You must first learn the secret Woman Pleasuring 108 Step Form of Shinanju.

    Too bad most women pass out after step 32.

  4. #4
    broken fingers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Arlington, Tx
    Posts
    1,213
    Style
    mixed
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    yes, but can those girls put you in a mean triangle, Mr. cunnilingus?

  5. #5
    DerAuslander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
    Posts
    18,449
    Style
    BJJ/C-JKD/KAAALIII!!!!!!!
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Given that Ha Jiwon is a black belt in Hapkido, I wouldn't doubt it.

    Which would be fun...cuz then I could find out if she had TEH REAL HAPKIDO.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    West Coast
    Posts
    24,129
    Style
    Chinese Boxing
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108
    OK...so I'm not a newbie.!
    Yes you are...

    We didn't have this Newbietown thing when I showed up, so I never got to explain my greatness to everyone here. I mean, really, I'm just great.
    We don't care about your porn career.

    Not only that...but I never got an Omega Welcome! What the heck?!? I feel soooo unloved, guys. I got flamed by JFS, threatened with a Gongsau by Bud Shi Dist, and told my Taekwondo sucks by MaverickZ (boy did I prove him wrong), but it was nowhere near as satisfying being anally raped by Omega, Master of Anal, would be.
    It was be kind to retarded animals week when you joined.

    So, yeah, my background....ummmm...I'm short, bald,
    like my penis
    and kind of teddy bear like after my dog ate it and **** it out
    at least that's what the ladies tell me.,
    It's okay we still think your the **** *pun
    I'm a ravenous fan of bad kung fu movies.
    and a Saquil O'neil movie buff
    I was born in the Year of the Sheep
    . No that's too easy....

    I like long walks on the beach, cuddling by the fire, and cunnilingus.
    ew....
    I've studied Taekwondo for17 years, and I think it sucks for the most part, but it's gotten me where I am, and I like where I am.
    Having your head up your ass is comfortable...?

    There are tons of cute girls where I am.
    Internet porn doesn't count.


    I love doing forms. Love it!
    Do that **** in private man...!
    In fact, I practice Taekwondo's deadliest form every day!
    Left hand Masterbation with 9' dildo up your ass? Damn only a TKD master would attempt that!!!!!! (remember 9' width not length)

    My existential philosophy in regards to bacon is that bacon is an inferior meat product.
    You shouldn't talk about your penis that way.

    All you need is SPAM.
    Is that where you get your lube?

    And just to make this an official Auslander post...

    This is why I do Taekwondo:


    You're a cross dresser???!!???:tongue2:

  7. #7
    wagamichi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Alaska
    Posts
    1,405
    Style
    wagamichi shorei kempo
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108
    My existential philosophy in regards to bacon is that bacon is an inferior meat product.

    Ok Aus! I would like o point out your blasphamous jargon and call you out for the philistien you are.

    4 Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. 5 On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days."

    31 The people of Israel called the bread(bacon) manna. [d] It was brown like cedar wood and tasted like meat made with honey. 32 Moses said, "This is what the LORD has commanded: 'Take an omer of manna and keep it for the generations to come, so they can see the bread (bacon) I gave you to eat in the desert when I brought you out of Egypt.' "


    It is interesting to note that due to human error, The term manna came o be known as "bread" The discovery of the dead sea scrolls shows that the hebrew word for manna is infact crisp yummy bacon.
    Last edited by wagamichi; 4/08/2006 1:01pm at .

  8. #8
    DerAuslander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
    Posts
    18,449
    Style
    BJJ/C-JKD/KAAALIII!!!!!!!
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    Yes you are...
    Well, comparitively, yes. But then again, the crap I **** last night was new, but if you consider that all the elements in that **** existed at the dawn of time, it was not new ****, but merely **** in a new formation, part of the interbeing of ****.

    I gotta stop hanging out with Buddhist monks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    We don't care about your porn career.
    Weren't you involved in that Thai midget porn? I passed that one up. Felt it was beneath me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    It was be kind to retarded animals week when you joined.
    I thought the best way to be kind to a retarded animal was to take it out back, shoot it, skin it, and toss it on the grill.

    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    like my penis
    Your penis is short and bald?

    I knew it.

    You're a pedo, aren't you?

    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    No that's too easy....
    I'm from Maryland, not West Virginia.

    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    Having your head up your ass is comfortable...?
    Hey, Taekwondo gave me the flexibility to do that! Can you stick your head up your ass? I don't think so, Mr. Bad Ass.

    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    Internet porn doesn't count.
    Porn bores me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    Left hand Masterbation with 9' dildo up your ass? Damn only a TKD master would attempt that!!!!!! (remember 9' width not length)
    Fear me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    You shouldn't talk about your penis that way.
    Hey. You're the one saying yours is short and bald.

    Quote Originally Posted by Omega
    Is that where you get your lube?
    Makes them squeal like a greased pig, every time.



    Quote Originally Posted by Omega


    You're a cross dresser???!!???:tongue2:
    Only when she asks nicely.

  9. #9
    DerAuslander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
    Posts
    18,449
    Style
    BJJ/C-JKD/KAAALIII!!!!!!!
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by wagamichi
    Ok Aus! I would like o point out your blasphamous jargon and call you out for the philistien you are.

    4 Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. 5 On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days."

    31 The people of Israel called the bread(bacon) manna. [d] It was brown like cedar wood and tasted like meat made with honey. 32 Moses said, "This is what the LORD has commanded: 'Take an omer of manna and keep it for the generations to come, so they can see the bread (bacon) I gave you to eat in the desert when I brought you out of Egypt.' "


    It is interesting to note that due to human error, The term manna came o be known as "bread" The discovery of the dead sea scrolls shows that the hebrew word for manna is infact crisp yummy bacon.
    That was only because God hadn't invented SPAM yet.

    You're a Lutheran boy, you should know better.

    There's a clear difference between Law and Gospel.

    That was Law, and now, the Law having been fulfilled in Christ, means that we can eat SPAM.

    Quote Originally Posted by Acts 10: 9-16
    9About noon the following day as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the roof to pray. 10He became hungry and wanted something to eat, and while the meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. 11He saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. 12It contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air. 13Then a voice told him, "Get up, Peter. Kill and eat."

    14"Surely not, Lord!" Peter replied. "I have never eaten anything impure or unclean."

    15The voice spoke to him a second time, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean."

    16This happened three times, and immediately the sheet was taken back to heaven.
    What is not commonly known, is that the sheet that was lowered before Peter was actually covered in cans of SPAM.

    The Lord has blessed us with SPAM. Blessed be the Lord.

  10. #10
    wagamichi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Alaska
    Posts
    1,405
    Style
    wagamichi shorei kempo
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108
    That was only because God hadn't invented SPAM yet.

    You're a Lutheran boy, you should know better.

    There's a clear difference between Law and Gospel.

    That was Law, and now, the Law having been fulfilled in Christ, means that we can eat SPAM.



    What is not commonly known, is that the sheet that was lowered before Peter was actually covered in cans of SPAM.

    The Lord has blessed us with SPAM. Blessed be the Lord.

    Ok, i looked it up in Luthers large catachisim. it was not in the small. I also just found out that there was a 99th thesis at witenburg...seems bacons out and spams in.

Page 1 of 2 12 Last

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Log in

Log in