4/01/2006 8:40pm, #1
Operation Imapi Freedom: Mission Accomplished
Dark Overlord Phrost declares victory aboard the BSS RONIN MOD
Newsline - April 1, 2006
Amidst a cheering crowd of a few hundred seamen, His Majesty, the Dark Dictator of Martialtopia annouced that the mission to help liberate the Bullshido forums from idiocy has been accomplished.
Deep within the meeting rooms of the Bullshidagon several days ago, the decision to hunt down and expose the Weapons of Martial Distraction was made despite an ambivilent public response and general ignorance of the severity of the threat faced by the Martial Arts community.
"The war against idiocy in the Martial Arts will never be completely won", said Phrost, standing in front of a large "Mission Accomplished" banner. "As long as people desperately want to believe they can be real Martial Artists by standing in lines punching the air, learning akward choreography, or breaking boards, the war must go on no matter the cost. Other tyrants, terrorists, and teenagers will continue to seek the means to obtain or use Weapons of Martial Distraction in order to avoid actually training with sufficient contact and aliveness. We must always be vigilant regarding these threats to common sense and the proud tradition of Martial Arts as warriors, and not doughy hobbyists or oriental fantasy roleplayers."
But there is a darker side to this seemingly noble cause. Several special operations forces members were required to go to extra lengths to ensure the success of Operation Imapi Freedom. Major Greese1 of the ultra-secret Bravo Force describes his ordeal as an undercover agent as traumatic. "I thought it would be kind of fun to dress up in drag and pretend to be KickChick", said Greese1. But it wasn't just a question of putting on a wig and make-up. The special disguise technicians had to insert a 5', splintery wooden stick up his anus to complete the effect. "It wasn't enough to just look like her, which would have required little more than the wig and some pumps" he mused, "I had to actually endure physical changes in order to actually be someone like her." Commander Omega, another special operator had a similarly horrifying experience. "Assuming the role of Andy Murray was just too much for one person to deal with. That whiny Scottish, Kung-Fu hippie makes me want to vomit. To actually impersonate him took a lot of fortitude. Though wearing french-cut panties under my kilt like he does, for this operation, wasn't too unpleasant".
In other news, the infamous Kungfu-Ghraib prison has undergone its own transformation. Once known as "Trollshido", it has now been updated to serve as a museum to the tragedy of idiocy in the Martial Arts. No longer will there be scenes of people forced to perform horse stances on boxes, or subjected to wearing pajamas.
4/01/2006 8:48pm, #2
I thought this website was finally going to be about peace and love, but I see that you people can't tolerate civil discussion about the merits of _ing _un.
I'm leaving forever. Expect to see a nasty comment in my Livejournal about this!
4/01/2006 9:09pm, #3
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
My fellow Bullshidoka, the nightmare is finally over.
4/01/2006 9:26pm, #4
4/01/2006 9:38pm, #5
- Join Date
- Apr 2006
April Fools :D
4/01/2006 9:52pm, #6
Good one Phrost you got me, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
4/01/2006 10:12pm, #7
Is this a new thing or did you do it last year aswell?
4/01/2006 10:14pm, #8
In 2003 we covered a story about how Rickson Gracie was defeated by a Christian Taekwondo Instructor or something. I don't remember what we did in 04, or 05.
4/01/2006 10:57pm, #9
My morning visit to the site was glorious. Well played, sir.
4/01/2006 11:13pm, #10
The party was well served by purging all it's members who lacked the deductive reasoning skills to figure out an obvious April fool's joke.
Unfortunately, what noone in the Greater People's Prank Think-up Kolectiv realized was that still leaves us with all the undesirables who lack even the reasoning or perspective to realize that their not getting of the joke (such as it was) was cue for them to find a discussion board more on their intellectual level (SUN TZU, PIRATEJON AND HANNIBAL I AM LOOKING IN YOUR DIRECTION).
I'd ask god to have mercy on their souls if I didn't know that religion is the numbing opiate of the great controller classes, and wouldn't care what happens in Siberia even if he did exist.
"The only important elements in any society
are the artistic and the criminal,
because they alone, by questioning the society's values,
can force it to change."-Samuel R. Delany
RENDERING GELATINOUS WINDMILL OF DICKS
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST NON-EUCLIDIAN SPLATTERJOUST EVER
It seems that the only people who support anarchy are faggots, who want their pathetic immoral lifestyle accepted by the mainstream society. It wont be so they try to create their own.-Oldman34, friend to all children