Pure, Unadulterated Bullshido

**Beaton Yu** · Posted On: 3/15/2006 6:58am

So I'm thumbing through the April issue of Inside Kung-Fu last night and I flip to an article about Linear Bagua. As with most of their articles it has a series of pictures showing different techniques. This load of Bullshido is so ridiculous that even my wife (who doesn't know, or care to know anything about fighting or MA) laughed out loud at it. The description of this series of moves to defend against a knife attack in the magazine will be enough to make the point without even looking at the pictures. Here goes:

1). As the attacker slashes, the defender steps to her foe's weak side and strikes to a point on the arm to weaken the heart and lungs.

By "slashes" they mean drives knife straight forward with arm locked and holds it there.

2). The bagua girl then strikes a point on the attackers arm that shuts down his heart.

Mkay...

3). She follows with a strike to a point on the neck that causes a knockout.

Apparently this guy is still going after having his heart and lungs shut down.

4). The defender explosively breaks the attacker's arm and turns inward to throw him against a car.

If you don't have a car handy a tree or rhinoceros will do.

5). She finishes him off by shattering his knee.

As if this isn't enough, the bagua girl in the pictures is wearing a traditional Kung Fu outfit with a drawing on the back of some kind of winged warlock riding a dragon.

***JohnnyCache*** · Posted On: 3/15/2006 7:42am

Can she kill a yak, with mind bullets?

**Beaton Yu** · Posted On: 3/15/2006 7:45am

Of course she can.

Can't you?

**supercrap** · Posted On: 3/15/2006 7:52am

Lol, good writeup...

(you had good material I guess...)

I love it when delusional martial artists do that...

THEN I break his neck... Then I stamp on his balls, followed up ripping his shins out with my teeth. At that point I will elbow his temples out, AND at the same time, headbutt his sphincter until it explodes. Then I slam him agains the nearest tree / leopard, and pressure point strike him in the liver causing his intestines to implode, twice. Then he dies. At which point I kill him. etc.

**FictionPimp** · Posted On: 3/15/2006 7:53am

i only have the power of flight.

Thats levitation!

**FredGarvinMP** · Posted On: 3/15/2006 7:58am

But...but....it's in a magazine....with pictures...How can it not be true?

**Teh El Macho** · Posted On: 3/15/2006 8:01am

Originally Posted by Beaton Yu

1). As the attacker slashes, the defender steps to her foe's weak side and strikes to a point on the arm to weaken the heart and lungs.

**Rhamma** · Posted On: 3/15/2006 3:19pm

I saw some bullshido video a long time ago, and the first thing out of the box was something like...

" The attaker punches, you reach up and snap his Adams apple (he does this with his index finger and thumb)... ect..."

yeah okay

The only way the techniques this guy was showing would work is if you oppenent was made out of very thin wax.

**Das Moose** · Posted On: 3/15/2006 4:11pm

Jesus some of these people really need to spar.

I was grappling against a kickboxer today, at one point ended up on my back while grabbing his right arm and he was standing, he punched me repeatedly with his left in the face. Most TMA guys seem to think this would have KO'd me. It just helped me get the triangle, and didn't hurt me at all.

Some people really need a reality check.