Just between us girls....

[Jaguar Wong]

I think I'll try to use my prehensile monkey-like toes to grab a patch of lower back hair to see if this will work in a no-gi environment. I'll report back on Monday, but I'll keep it on the down low...

[JohnnyCache]

Baby oil? You wouldn't even be able to taste the . . .

Nevermind.

1. I won't tell anybody

2. I'm not actually remotely concerned with self defense. Anyone who tries to mug me will get a a wallet-sized reward for bolas giganticos. Sadly, they will find said wallet empty. I am far more interested in any and every dirty trick that will keep me alive in a rapidly approaching tourney I am manifestly unprepared for.

[NSLightsOut]

In competition it's different. I've been mounted in every tournament I've been to, and in each case the mount never lasted for more than a couple seconds. It's not because I have outstanding explosiveness, or because I never let my opponent settle into position. It's because I know a perfect, foolproof mount escape that, so far, has both a 100% success rate and gets hilarious looks from your partner.

I don't have pictures, so you'll have to bear with me:

STEP 1: My opponent is mounted on me.

STEP 2: I slide my foot behind his belt and kick him off.

STEP 3: Miller time.

So far this move has never failed me, and the look on their face as you launch them off you is priceless. Most people have never seen it, so they have no idea why you're sitting up into them and grabbing their belt. Doesn't he know he should keep his head to the mat?? Does he WANT me to Ezikiel choke him?? After this match you and I are going to have a very stern talk about your basics, young man! >:-()

Might I be the first to suggest that you are competing in a white belt division, and hence your opponent could not and will not be able to hold mount in a decent fashion for a good deal of time yet.

Firstly, your opponents (if they do indeed fall for this):

- Suck at mount
- Suck at grappling
- Chupar muito caraliu

Honestly, with the application of a little correct posture, and a moderately loose belt, your escape becomes irrelevant, even if it in fact wasn't illegal under CBJJ rules.

And I'm just a blue belt. Who escapes black belt mounts with those upa escapes you so deride. Whether you project your own secret desires onto my prose or not will not change the fact that your escape is merely the move of a viadinho, someone who does not even deserve the status of full viado.

[Boyd]

You're just bitter you wasted all that time working hard on your precious bridging drills when I completely circumvented the position with a single move. I was hoping you'd be happy for me sir, but if you'd like to play the jealous card you're more than welcome to.

[NSLightsOut]

You're just bitter you wasted all that time working hard on your precious bridging drills when I completely circumvented the position with a single move. I was hoping you'd be happy for me sir, but if you'd like to play the jealous card you're more than welcome to.

Not really. My issue is how it is tested. You see, I've seen your move in action. I've had it used on me, and it's worked.

Once. And then I figured out how to counter it. Hence getting better at mount.

You seem to be judging the effectiveness of your technique on the basis of "fantastic, I'm omgwtfPwning my white belt opponents with it! This move must be golden!"

Here are my questions to you: How does your move work on good blue belts? purple belts? brown belts? black belts? Does it work on people with very good mounts?

[Boyd]

I think a better question would be, how did the Nazis fare when I stormed the beaches of Normandy with it?

[relytjj]

I actually pulled this off in my second match at the Gracie Worlds two weekends ago. As soon as he hit mount I went straight for it. Not any delay at all. The shitty part was, that after I lifted him up I missed grabbing his ankles with my hands to complete the sweep and he tackled me back to the mat. However, I now had guard!

It so completely suprised the **** out of my opponent that during the match while he was in my guard he said that after the match I'd have to show him whatever the hell I just did to him. Him talking to me during the match kind of startled me, because I was totally not expecting that. So we were 1-1 on the surprises.

Afterwards I felt a bit dirty for using this escape, but when your pressed for time in a match and you're mounted it just calls to you. It's so easy and cheap. It's my favorite 'white belt' move, just ahead of the strengthmura. Screw technique!

[NSLightsOut]

I think a better question would be, how did the Nazis fare when I stormed the beaches of Normandy with it?

I'm sure your craptacular mount escape was similarly responsible for the Black Plague, the fall of Constantinople to the Crusaders, and Syphilis. You still haven't answered my question, however.

[Darkpaladin]

A purple (who also happens to be bigger and stronger than me) did this to me last week and I managed to land in side mount. I don't think it's perfect.

Also, no gi.

Also, if you're at all concerned about self defense, you probably shouldn't rely 100% on a tactic that involves your opponent wearing a belt that you can jam your foot under.

But dude, think about it...have you ever seen anyone in the str33tz without a belt of some kind on??

Dude, this **** should go in every self defense book ever made!

[Moleculo]

But dude, think about it...have you ever seen anyone in the str33tz without a belt of some kind on??

Dude, this **** should go in every self defense book ever made!

Perhaps phil could feature the move and also it's arch-nemesis the "breakaway belt" in the next MARTIALIST.