Matt Furey's Primate Power - LOL

**Beatdown Richie** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 2:13am

Just saw a thread on this on MMA.tv, check this out:

http://www.mattfurey.com/primate_power.html

Later today movie theatres all over the world are going to be PACKED for the release of the new and improved KING KONG. As a society we are mesmerized by the power of primates -and Mr. KONG is no exception. Even if he's make believe.

But the POWER of PRIMATES doesn't need to be exaggerated.

...

Real Men Develop Superior Strength by Training Like Primates

There is no substitute for moving like a monkey and doing ape exercises just like they do in the jungle. If you think you can get gorilla strength from the bench press or the barbell curl, you're sadly mistaken. These are unnatural exercises for which we have no biological basis for doing. But we do for moving like primates. You see, within our DNA is programmed the genetic urge to develop our bodies like an ape.

....

To get you there, Matt Furey and I have designed a course called The Primate Power Super Strength System. The sole purpose of this system is to give you the power of the apes. This program will give you true primate strength, no matter what your present level is. This is your opportunity to possess a functional power no one else has. A power which at times will make you feel invincible.

...

The total amount for the entire Primate Power Super Strength System - which includes the course manual, three DVDs, beginner, intermediate and advanced workout programs plus the two live teleseminars - is only $349.00, a mere pittance to reclaim your manhood. Think about it. That's just $0.96 a day for an entire year, less than the price of a Coke and bag of blubber-inducing chips.

**Paul Genge** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 3:01am

Oh dear............

**elipson** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 3:03am

Ahahahahahahaha!!!! 350!!!! ahahaha!!

Anyone stupid enough to pay for that deserves what they get!

**black mamba** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 8:01am

Guys dont take it too seriously its just marketing

**PEtrainer** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 8:05am

Wow... As someone who has deadicated his free time and half of his professional life (for the last 15 years) to human stregenth training, this just floors me.

Primates have totally different joints and muscle bellys. They are 10x overbuilt compared to ours. Their ligaments and tendons would be like comparing nylon rope to dental floss.

What an ass.

**Shawarma** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 8:07am

Primate Power? He's really sunk low, hasn't he? I wonder what'll be next. 'Tard strength training programs? Prison Rape Conditioning? Combat Masturbation?

What's the URL for his terrorist defense program anyway? I seem to recall he was peddling one.

**Shawarma** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 8:08am

I wonder if his next DVD series Primate Pugilism will teach you how to throw **** at potential agressors and climb trees to escape muggers.

**PirateJon** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 8:27am

Originally Posted by Shawarma

I wonder if his next DVD series Primate Pugilism will teach you how to throw **** at potential agressors and climb trees to escape muggers.

It'd work too. Who's going to mug the guy in the loincloth flinging poo at a wall while masturbating?

**Porrig** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 8:36am

This is the fuckin' funniest thing I've seen in ages. Geez, what a flaccid knobend.

**Beatdown Richie** · Posted On: 12/16/2005 8:43am

I wonder what'll be next.

The logical next step is to argue that elephants are actually even stronger than primates, and have no natural enemies.

"Learn to become truly unbeatable through this innovative, never-seen-before set of exercises and nutrition plans that includes trotting through the savannah, mauling trees with your teeth and eating prodigious amounts of green leaf!"