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  1. #1
    LAVATORR's Avatar
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    THE CENTER OF THE EARTH
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    106
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    THE ULTIMATE GIMMICK THREAD

    LET ME BEGIN BY SAYING I HAVE DEEP RESERVATIONS ABOUT STARTING THIS THREAD. AS MUCH AS IT WOULD PLEASE MY MIGHTY PALATE TO SIMPLY JUMP INTO THE LAVARIFFIC GIMMICKRY, I FEEL AS HOUGH I HAVE A CERTAIN OBLIGATION AS A BJJ BLUE BELT AND, CONCORDANTLY, UNQUESTIONABLE LORD AND MASTER TO 99.9 PER THE CENT OF POSTERS HERE. I'VE SEEN ENOUGH FOOTAGE OF YOU GUYS TRYING TO HEEL HOOK YOUR WAY OUT OF A TRIANGLE THAT I FEEL I MAY BE DOING THIS COMMUNITY A SEVERE DISSERVICE BY ACTUALLY ENCOURAGING THIS SORT OF NONSENSICAL BEHAVIOR. BUT THEN, I DID DANTE'S PEAK A SEVERE DISSERVICE BY BOILING 2 SKINNY DIPPERS ALIVE! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA! AHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA AHAHHA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA! H! A! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! XA XA XA XA XA XA XA XA XA XA!

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AHA! AHA! BWA HA HA HA! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA! *LOL* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

    HEE HEE HA HEE HE HAW HA HA HA GWA BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HA HA HA HA HA GWA HA HA HA! HO HO HO! HA HA! DISSERVICE! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

    BUT SERIOUSLY, I DID FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AND VOLUNTEERED AS A WATER PURIFIER AFTER KATRINA. WE ALL GOTTA DO OUR PART.

    ANYWAY, THE POINT IS THAT ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT BJJ IS ALL THE RETARDED LITTLE SIDE QUESTS YOU CAN GO ON WHEN YOU NEED A BREAK FROM LEVELING UP YOUR ARMBAR FROM THE GUARD. MOSTLY, YOU INVENT CREATIVE WAYS TO MOLEST THOSE NOT AS GOOD AS YOU OR, IN EXTREME CASES, THOSE BETTER THAN YOU. THE MORE ELABORATE AND IMPRACTICAL THE TECHNIQUE, THE FUNNIER IT IS WHEN YOU PULL IT OFF. IT IS IN THIS SPIRIT I OFFER YOU A LIST OF GIMMICKS I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY PULLED OFF IN CLASS OR IN TOURNAMENTS. LIKE THE "WORST TECHNIQUES..." THREAD, THIS IS A CONTINUALLY-UPDATED LIST.

    IMPORTANT: WHILE THE FACT THAT MOST OF THESE MOVES WILL ONLY WORK AGAINST PEOPLE LESS SKILLED THAN YOU IS A GIMMIE, THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY SHOULD BE PRACTICED AGAINST 120-POUND TWO WEEK WHITE BELTS. NO, NOT BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF HURTING THEM OR ANYTHING. BECAUSE IT'S JUST NOT CHALLANGING. GIMMICKS ONLY COUNT IF YOUR OPPONENT HAS AT LEAST 8 MONTH'S TRAINING AND IS ROUGHLY YOUR WEIGHT OR HEAVIER

    --CRUCIFIX GUARD: YOU'RE IN GUARD ON YOUR OPPONENT'S SIDE, PAST THEIR ARM AND ABOUT TO TAKE THEIR BACK, WITH ONE HOOK IN. INSTEAD OF PUTTING THE OTHER HOOK IN AND GOING FOR BACK MOUNT, SLIDE YOUR ANKLE OVER THEIR NECK AND HOOK YOUR INSTEP UNDER THEIR ARMPIT. THE LEG THAT WAS ALREADY "HOOKED" IN NOW SLIDES ACROSS THE BELLY. YOU CAN GRAB THEIR BELT TO CONFIRM THE POSITION AND STOP THEM FROM SCAMPERING OUT THE BACK DOOR, WHICH IS THE MOST COMMON ESCAPE. ONCE IN, THE CRUCIFIX GUARD OFFERS MYRAID ATTACK POSIBILITIES. THEIR ARM IS ISOLATED AND DANGLING IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE, LEAVING IT OPEN FOR A VARIETY OF ARM BARS AND SHOULDER LOCKS. THE LEGS ARE IN EXTREMELY CLOSE PROXIMITY TO BOTH THE TRIANGLE AND OMOPLATA, AND THEIR BASE IS COMPLETELY BROKEN DUE TO THE LEG CLAMPING DOWN ON THEIR NECK, SO IT'S HIGHLY DIFFICULT FOR THEM TO POSTURE OUT OF EITHER. AND THE FIRST TIME I DISCOVERED THIS POSITION, I USED IT TO TAP OUT A BROWN BELT IN MMA SPARRING, SO I KNOW IT WORKS AGAINST NON-RETARDS.

    --ONCE A JUDOKA TOLD ME YOU COULDN'T DEADLIFT YOUR WAY OUT OF AN OMOPLATA. I LET HIM OMOPLATA ME, DEADLIFTED OUT OF IT, THEN SPUN INTO BAS RUTTEN'S POTATO SACK.

    --FLYING REVERSE OMOPLATA. GOT INTO THE TRIGGER POSITION BUT OPTED NOT TO GO FOR IT SINCE I'D PROBABLY BREAK MY PARTNER'S ARM.

    --MOONWALKED INTO A ROLLING KNEEBAR

    --ARMBARRED A GUY FROM STANDING BY GRABBING HIS WRIST, GRABBING HIS ELBOW, AND PUSHING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.

    --ACTUALLY APPLIED A GENERIC STANDING WRISTLOCK SUBMISSION FROM KARATE

    --FAILED YOKO GURUMA TO FLYING HEEL HOOK

    --GOT A SUPINE ARMBAR LOCKED IN ALL THE WAY, LET GO OF THE ARM, WENT FOR THE ANKLE LOCK

    --NO FAIL MOUNT ESCAPE: SLIDE YOUR FOOT UNDER THE OPPONENT'S BELT AND KICK OFF. RETARDEDLY SIMPLE, BUT I'VE USED IT EVERY TIME I GET MOUNTED IN A TOURNAMENT AND IT'S NEVER FAILED ME. PLUS THE LOOK ON THEIR FACE IS HILARIOUS.

    --WRIST LOCK COUNTER TO FLYING GUILLOTINE

    --MOUNTED GOGOPLATA

    --HAVE SO FAR SUCCESSFULLY PULLED OFF 3 OF THE TRADITIONAL BJJ SELF-DEFENSE TECHNIQUES: STANDING ARMBAR IN RESPONSE TO HAVING YOUR SHOULDER TOUCHED, OVERHOOK SHOULDER CRANK, WRIST LOCK AGAINST LAPEL GRAB

    --ROMOPLATA: TRIANGLING SOMEONE WHILE BEING OMOPLATA'ED.

    --YOU KNOW THAT ONE SWEEP WHERE A GUY IS PASSING YOUR GUARD, AND YOU PUNCH HIS WRIST TO HIS CROTCH, GRAB HIS BELT, PULL NORTH-SOUTH AND ROLL HIM OVER? DID THAT. FROM STANDING.

    --SHIN LOCK FROM MOUNT

    --FLYING REAR COLLAR CHOKE, PERFORMED BY SPRINGING OFF A WALL, GRABBING HIS NECK, AND SWINGING AROUND TO BACK.

    THAT'S IT. FOR NOW.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Oct 2011
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I'VE MADE CATCH WRESTLING WORK SO I AM AN AUTHORITY IN HOW IT STILL SUCKS.

  3. #3
    Shuma-Gorath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
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    6,607
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    ANTLERS REMAIN ON IN THE PRESENCE OF A SENIOR GIMMICK

    I bore witness to the creation of Mata Leo w/ Foot. Like the absurd sequence of events that inspired the creation of Knuth's Arrow, the move was invented due to poor wording in the CBJJ rules meant to express "toe hold".

    *ANTLERS OFF*
    ALSO, SIDE-CONTROL GUARD TO TAKING THE BACK USING ONLY ONE TENTACLE

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Oct 2011
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I ONCE TAPPED A 250 POUND BODY BUILDER WITH BODY TRIANGLE FROM GUARD WHILE GUILLOTINING HIS ENTIRE TORSO.

  5. #5
    Shuma-Gorath's Avatar
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    Apr 2003
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    REVERSE TRIANGLE + TOE HOLD FROM THE TOP OF NORTH-SOUTH

  6. #6
    Phrost's Avatar
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    Jun 1998
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    Cow Town
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    19,137
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Trolling aside, I actually tried to tap a 150 lb TKD guy with a body scissors once (I actually intentionally transitioned from the mount to the position in order to try.) The moment it didn't work I started coming around to Aeso's views on Catch.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Oct 2011
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    SUCCESSFULLY CREATING A GUARD FROM UNDER SIDE CONTROL BY REACHING OVER THEIR SHOULDER GRABBING MY OWN LEG. REVERSING BY SIMPLY COMING TO MY KNEES AND ROLLING THEM OVER. GRAPEVINING THEIR ARM FOR A SUBMISSION FROM UNDER SIDE MOUNT GUARD.

    SUCK IT PIZDOFF.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Oct 2011
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    COMBINING THE ELBOW-KNEE AND BACKDOOR MOUNT ESCAPES TO INVENT A MOUNT ESCAPE THAT GOES DIRECTLY INTO X-GUARD.

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Oct 2011
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    SWEEPING INTO SIMULTANEOUS UPPER AND LOWER BODY SUBMISSIONS WITH A KIMURA AND KAKIKAZE CALF CRANK FROM HALF GUARD.

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Soviet Canuckistan
    Posts
    353
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    When their belt comes off from prolonged grappling, wait until they roll over it, then quickly loop it around their feet...when the reach to defend with a WTF kinda look, grab the hand and you've got a three limb hog-tie. Makes for a great finish.
    The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
    ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

    Whether it is a good thing or a bad thing, smashing things up is sometimes very pleasant.
    ~Fyodor Dostoyevsky

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