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  1. Secco is offline

    Registered Member

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    Oct 2005
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    Posted On:
    11/14/2005 11:15pm


     Style: Muay Thai

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Article from The Onion

    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42384

    I'm Very Interested In Hearing Some Half-Baked Theories

    By Roberta Foit
    November 9, 2005 | Issue 41•45

    As an ill-informed pseudo-intellectual with a particular interest in the unverifiable, I'm always on the lookout for some partially thought out misinformation. So, if you have an uninformed solution to a dilemma that doesn't actually exist, don't bother double-checking your information. I'm all ears.

    However, I must warn you: If you want to convince me of anything, you better be prepared to back up your claims with rumor, circumstantial evidence, or hard-to-make-out photographic proof. I may also need friend-of-a-friend corroboration or several signed testimonials all written in the same unmistakably spidery handwriting. I'm a quasi-critical-thinker. Things have to add up more or less in my head before I let myself be taken in by some baloney story.

    Take Atlantis, for example. When I first heard about this lost civilization, I was suspicious to say the least. But then someone made a good point: Prove that it didn't exist. I was hard-pressed to find a comeback to that.

    But if Atlantis really did exist, then where did it go? It couldn't have just disappeared without an unreasonable explanation. I was about to give up on the whole matter when suddenly it hit me: It probably washed away, and it's too deep underwater for scientists to find it. All it takes is a little supposition mixed with critical theorizing and you can easily stumble on a tenuous half-truth that really makes you think.

    Over time, I've also learned that slapdash research is key before jumping to any conclusion. While I've always postulated the existence of gnomes, it wasn't until I researched the topic on AskJeeves.com that I realized it's a well-documented medical condition.

    As important as research is, it's all about common sense in the end. If you can't cool your apartment by leaving the refrigerator open, how's it keeping all that produce fresh? Think about it. If you can't really read the world's great works of literature in only five minutes using a system peddled on TV, how do you explain that gentleman on the infomercial who aces those tests? Would extraterrestrials travel millions of light years just to abduct a non-trustworthy human for their series of intrusive tests? Yes.

    And there's a reason liars like James Randi have never been anally probed.

    Now, if you have a half-baked theory that you'd like to disclose, please be so kind as to skirt around the issue. I'll only listen to your elaborate webs of presumption and hearsay if you promise to veer unexpectedly and pointlessly off course at every opportunity. Prose density is part of what makes a half-baked theory fascinating.

    Only last week, my friend Janet gave me a book that teaches how, through a diet of salmon and romaine lettuce, you can shave 20 years off your appearance. However, before we got to the hard-core salmon-and-lettuce, face-lifting theory, I was taken through a series of anecdotes, solicited testimonials, and long-winded circular logic proving the author's qualifications by citing the medical establishment's fear of his simple brilliance. It was an eye-opener.

    I encourage people endowed with a gift for half-baked theories to inform as many unsuspecting strangers as possible. That's how I'm most interested in being exposed to shaky new ideas. At the bus station, on the street corners, wherever strikes your fancy. If you don't have the courage to approach people in this way, I recommend a stiff drink or a lifetime of crippling mental illness.

    Only then will we continue to safeguard the free exchange of erroneous fallacy so vital to maintaining a freethinking, uneducated society. Thank you.
    _______________________________________________

    Who else thought of rad ki while reading this?
  2. MEGA JESUS-SAMA is offline
    MEGA JESUS-SAMA's Avatar

    **** you math class

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    Posted On:
    11/15/2005 12:07am

    supporting member
     Style: TKD, Ballet, Archery

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Only last week, my friend Janet gave me a book that teaches how, through a diet of salmon and romaine lettuce, you can shave 20 years off your appearance.
    Say you're twelve and you did this. What would you look like?
  3. BenwaMandelbrot is offline

    Lightweight

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    Posted On:
    11/15/2005 12:59am

    supporting member
     Style: BJJ, Boxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    There's a Rinzai Zen koan that asks "show me the face you had before you were born."

    I'm not sure, but I think the answer is something like "BuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRGH".
  4. CanucKyokushin is offline

    He'll flip ya!

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    Posted On:
    11/15/2005 1:17am

    supporting member
     Style: Not.....working

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Just to let you know that many scholars had made some connections to the Island of Santorini and Atlantis. There was even some possibility that the tsunami caused by the eruption on that island that may have caused it to hit the northern shores of Egypt. At just about the same era that a large group of ex-slaves had begun their trek out of Egypt. And these ex-slaves had used their wild story of how A god had saved them from a cruel Pharaoh.

    How have these scholars and archeologist have come-up with these theory's. By studying the evidence left behind in the ruins and the stories that have survived after ...what? 3 millennia's.Passed down thru generation and geration.

    Peole make their own conclusions with what they see right in fron of their eye's.Instead of seeing it for what it really is.
    Last edited by CanucKyokushin; 11/15/2005 1:19am at .
  5. Olorin is offline
    Olorin's Avatar

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    11/15/2005 1:58am

    supporting memberhall of fame
     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Once again Olorin, the self-proclaimed historian of Bullshido, will tell step into the breach and tell you all about Atlantis. The “Ancients” were a hyper-advanced alien civilization. They were part of an alliance of four races, the Ancients, Asgard, Nox, and Furlings. They were the original “gate builders.” The evil Wraith destroyed the Ancients but not before some ascended to a higher plain of existence and some traveled back to Earth to establish an advanced outpost that allowed Stargate SG1 to defeat a Goa'uld invasion fleet lead by Anubis. While the Ancients have moved past our ability to contact them, their intergalactic legacy could prove the key to defeating Earth’s new enemies the Wraith and the Ori.
  6. Dio is offline

    Registered Member

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    N.E. Texas
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    Posted On:
    11/15/2005 9:31am


     Style: TKD & BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Olorin's making me want to start watching Stargate now...
  7. MrMcFu is offline

    Badness will not be rewarded

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    Montreal, Canada
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    Posted On:
    11/15/2005 9:36am

    supporting member
     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Awesome. The best part of it is that they can't leave well enough alone. They KNOW they are wrong, so they go out of their way to try and convince others (yes even strangers), that they are right. This gives them a pleasant, albeit shallow sort of confirmation.
  8. A.D.D is offline
    A.D.D's Avatar

    Welterweight

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    Posted On:
    11/15/2005 9:43am

    supporting member
     Style: Fish Oil

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/...811260-1731803

    I am sorry but if you are Irish you are from Atlantis.
  9. Toby Christensen is offline

    Martial mediocrite

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    Dec 2002
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    Australia
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    Posted On:
    11/15/2005 10:05am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Using bag as aggro outlet

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by MrMcFu
    Awesome. The best part of it is that they can't leave well enough alone. They KNOW they are wrong, so they go out of their way to try and convince others (yes even strangers), that they are right. This gives them a pleasant, albeit shallow sort of confirmation.
    Yes, like with religious preachers :tard:
    What am I?:

    I am ignorant, thieving, lying, hypocrital, violent and thoroughly self obssessed. I steal from others to make myself look better, only to make the item or information worse.

    I go on and on and ON about how brave and strong and brilliant and wealthy I am, but in the end I'm all mouth and no trousers.

    That's right children, I'm your average AMERICUNT! and I exemplify AMERICA!:911flag:

    :occasion1

    JohnnyCache's "retort" proving how much he knows about medicine and geography and First World countries:
    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/show...=78188&page=22

    Yes, through persistent lack of work and the cultivation of ignorance, he is a true American.
  10. patfromlogan is offline
    patfromlogan's Avatar

    Heavyweight

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    Hilo Island of Hawaii
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    Posted On:
    11/15/2005 10:32am

    supporting member
     Style: Kyokushinkai / Kajukenbo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Oh, The Onion is very respected in my home.
    "Preparing mentally, the most important thing is, if you aren't doing it for the love of it, then don't do it." - Benny Urquidez
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