Facts you don't know about Chuck Norris!

[DARKSON]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that actually is "his" way.

One day Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at McDonalds. When the employee asked him if he wanted fries with that, Chuck Norris had sex with his girlfriend, taped it, and mailed the tape to him for Christmas.

When God kicked Adam and Eve out of the Garden, Chuck Norris stayed because God was too afraid to ask him to leave.

Chuck Norris once claimed that Clear Pepsi "was for queers." The following day, Pepsi pulled the product from shelves.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimensions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked an estimated 400,000 Viet Kong to death in 1985.

Chuck Norris is ranked 12th in the AP college football poll.

Chuck Norris doesn’t look at the toilet paper after he wipes.

Scientology is Chuck Norris' first successful get-rich-quick scheme.

The only reason World War II occurred was because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.

Chuck Norris once smoked an entire pound of dank in one sitting. When his wife refused to make him an entire 5-course meal, he gave her swift roundhouse kick to the ovaries to fling her into outer space. He the celebrated afterwards by eating three hundred chocolate snacks packs.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

[i]Taken from mma.tv[\i]

[CanucKyokushin]

Ha haha hahaha!Very funny!Oh wait a minute?This has already been posted.

[FighterJones]

Oh come on, pirates are SO much more cooler.

[DARKSON]

Oh damn, sorry.

[supercrap]

Well I thought that was hilarious.

I never knew that about Chuck. But I suspected.

[Locu5]

You got a good chuckle. AM I RITE?1?

[Neildo]

Just when i thought I'd seen 'em all...

Top 5.

#5 - "JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement."

#4 - "Chuck Norris had sex with his girlfriend, taped it, and mailed the tape to him for Christmas. "

#3 - "...and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass."

#2 - "Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. "

#1 - "...who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided."

Made my day Darkson.

[albert]

These are originally from the Chuck Norris Fact generator: http://www.4q.cc/chuck/

There's also generators for Mr. T and Vin Diesel on the same page.

[supercrap]

Somebody should do a Steven Seagal one.

That would be awesome.

[odorblocker]

These facts would work better for Segal.