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  1. Miguksaram is offline
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    Day Tripper/Dream Weaver

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    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:02am

    supporting member
     Style: Shorei-ryu & Kumdo & TKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    For the parents...advice needed

    Ok here's the situation,

    My 11 year old just got into a fight with a former friend of his. In a nut shell he whooped him. From what I was told, my son got slapped by him and then he retaliated with a punch to the face, kicked in his knee and then elbowed his friend in the jaw, cracking his tooth, which ended it and incidently prompted a phone call from the kid's parents to me (which is how I heard about the whole incident in the first place). Lucky for me it was a baby tooth on the kid, which is why the parents aren't going totally ape **** on me right now. Though they are still wanting me to pay his dental bill.

    Anyway, I now find out that his ex-friend is spreading the rumors that he beat my son and has rallied a several other kids to jump him. This of course is what I am hearing from my son who has been trying to find excuses not to go to school and has not had any appetite lately because of this. When I talked to him about it last night, I found out why he was so upset. He told me that he is really scared to fight becuase he is afraid he might really hurt someone. He was shooken up by the fact that he hurt his ex-friend like he did and now he is scared that if these kids jump him he may end up really hurting one of them.

    He asked me to tell the school about the threat. Which I did today (still waiting on the phone call back). I told him to avoid them if possible but defend yourself regardless. I even told him to rally his friends and hang in a group to possibly deter the other group from jumping him. So my question to the parents, is what would you tell your kid given the situation?
    Jeremy M. Talbott

    Quote Originally Posted by Phrost
    "Bullshido isn't just a place to hang out when you're browsing the net. We really are trying to accomplish something fucking extraordinary here that nobody's ever had the balls to do before."
    Quote Originally Posted by D.Murray
    "Which is better, to learn the truth, or to enjoy the illusion of being right when you are not?"
    Quote Originally Posted by hangooknamja88 View Post
    My definition of Ki is our energy. it's rather hard to explain it in words. It's not some mystical type of energy like white people...


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  2. CMS is offline

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    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:13am


     Style: FMA, JuJitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Tell him to apologize... and watch his back.
  3. FictionPimp is offline

    Sexiest Punching Bag Alive

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    Oct 2005
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    Indiana
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    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:17am


     Style: BJJ/Judo/Boxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I lived my middle school/high school life like that. tell him that if he is attacked find the biggest kid in the group, make him cry. I got attacked by 8 kids once on the way home from school. I broke the biggest kids nose, the rest scattered. I would of lost if they would of kept comming, but thanks to that kids nose I only got a black eye.
  4. Miguksaram is offline
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    Day Tripper/Dream Weaver

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    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:20am

    supporting member
     Style: Shorei-ryu & Kumdo & TKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by CMS
    Tell him to apologize... and watch his back.
    Even though it was the friend that started this ****?
    Jeremy M. Talbott

    Quote Originally Posted by Phrost
    "Bullshido isn't just a place to hang out when you're browsing the net. We really are trying to accomplish something fucking extraordinary here that nobody's ever had the balls to do before."
    Quote Originally Posted by D.Murray
    "Which is better, to learn the truth, or to enjoy the illusion of being right when you are not?"
    Quote Originally Posted by hangooknamja88 View Post
    My definition of Ki is our energy. it's rather hard to explain it in words. It's not some mystical type of energy like white people...


    SUPPORT BULLSHIDO!
  5. Miguksaram is offline
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    Day Tripper/Dream Weaver

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    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:23am

    supporting member
     Style: Shorei-ryu & Kumdo & TKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by FictionPimp
    I lived my middle school/high school life like that. tell him that if he is attacked find the biggest kid in the group, make him cry. I got attacked by 8 kids once on the way home from school. I broke the biggest kids nose, the rest scattered. I would of lost if they would of kept comming, but thanks to that kids nose I only got a black eye.
    I've already told them that they must be scared of him if the only way they can come at him is with a group. I also told him not to fight the group but to fight them one at a time, if it went down. It sucks just sitting here and not really being able to help him.
    Jeremy M. Talbott

    Quote Originally Posted by Phrost
    "Bullshido isn't just a place to hang out when you're browsing the net. We really are trying to accomplish something fucking extraordinary here that nobody's ever had the balls to do before."
    Quote Originally Posted by D.Murray
    "Which is better, to learn the truth, or to enjoy the illusion of being right when you are not?"
    Quote Originally Posted by hangooknamja88 View Post
    My definition of Ki is our energy. it's rather hard to explain it in words. It's not some mystical type of energy like white people...


    SUPPORT BULLSHIDO!
  6. samadhi_fire is offline

    Registered Member

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    Singapore
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    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:32am


     Style: Kyokushin Karate

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by miguksaram
    Even though it was the friend that started this ****?

    Well... I'm with CMS on this. Sometimes, an apology will save alot of trouble. It's true that the friend started it but it was your son who kinda went overboard. Deep down inside, he knows it - that's why he's scared he's gonna hurt someone again. By apologising and taking responsibility for his actions, it'll give him the necessary closure and he'll be the better man for doing so.

    Loss of face > doing something your son may regret for the rest of his life or worse, turn him away from MA forever. =(
  7. CMS is offline

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    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:37am


     Style: FMA, JuJitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by miguksaram
    Even though it was the friend that started this ****?
    Yup. Focus on ending the ****, not who started it. He's already sent the message that he's not someone to be triffled with. Apologizing is a lot less trouble than dealing with the bs.
  8. daGorilla is offline

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:51am


     Style: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by miguksaram
    Even though it was the friend that started this ****?

    Who the hell cares who started it? This is a clear example of why moral/ethical lessons should NOT be removed from martial arts training -- at least when you're talking about kids.

    Regardless of who started it, it sounds like your kid handled himself well in the fight -- but probably over-reacted. Also, how did he handle himself before the actual swinging of blows started? Did he have a chance to walk away? Did he jump into action more quickly than he should have?

    Kicking the knee alone can inflict serious, life-long (Read: sue your ass into oblivion) injuries. You're probably lucky a dental bill is all you might be facing. If little johnny is a potential soccer all star, I bet his parents could potentially sue you for all kinds of ****.

    Apologizing (i.e. getting the two kids to sit down and 'work it out') is probably the best way to potentially mend the situation (perhaps with an adult present to help mediate) before it escalates into a senseless series of more fights. As the old saying goes, violence breeds more violence -- and hopefully some idiot won't get it in his head to "bring dad's gun to school..."

    Anyway, I'm not blaming you or your kid for anything -- but life just not so simple as "he started it and deserved to get the **** kicked out of him." In real life (particularly adult life) that's the attitude that lands your ass in jail, gets the **** sued out of you, or gets you dead when an ego-bruised ass wipe (whose ass you just kicked in a bar after he "started something") goes out to his truck, grabs his gun, and shoots your ass dead. Sometimes the best way to "win" is to "lose" (or compromise).

    If nothing else, I suspect your kid will come away from this with a valuable lesson.

    -daGorilla
    Last edited by daGorilla; 11/04/2005 10:53am at .
  9. Ming Loyalist is offline
    Ming Loyalist's Avatar

    solves problems with violence

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    NYC
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    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:55am

    supporting member
     Style: Judo, Hung Family Boxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    he's learned the most important lesson in MA:

    1) the person left standing at the end of the fight gets blamed.
    "Face punches are an essential character building part of a martial art. You don't truly love your children unless you allow them to get punched in the face." - chi-conspiricy
    "When I was a little boy, I had a sailor suit, but it didn't mean I was in the Navy." - Mtripp on the subject of a 5 year old karate black belt
    "Without actual qualifications to be a Zen teacher, your instructor is just another roundeye raping Asian culture for a buck." - Errant108
    "Seriously, who gives a **** what you or Errant think? You're Asian males, everyone just ignores you, unless you're in a krotty movie." - new2bjj
  10. KhorneliusPraxx

    Guest

    Posted On:
    11/04/2005 10:59am


     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Even though it may have been overkill, I don't know about the apology.
    I bet the other kid will think twice about smacking somebody in the future.
    At this point definitely get the school involved. I would meet with whoever is in charge of this sort of thing at his school, at my sons school it is the Vice Principal. MOST IMPORTANTLY, keep them posted on ALL developements. If your son hears the slightest rumor, make sure he tells immediately. Make sure that the school knows that you will do anything to avoid an incident, but if there is no other option, your son has you blessing to defend himself by whatever means necessary.

    My son switch to public school last year and immediately had a bully taking money from him in the school yard using nothing more than the threat of violence. I asked if he told anyone he said that he didn't. I told him to tell the Vice Principal EXACTLY what happened and that if that happens again, he will refuse and defend himself. The day he did it, he was wearing his The Thai Boxing Association of the U.S.A t-shirt, for extra emphasis. :icon_rr: The kid was warned by the VP and he has never started anything. Personally, I told my son if someone is just picking on you, trying to get under your skin, stay calm and don't fly off the handle. If somebody says, "Give me money or I will hurt you", that is attempting "STRONG ARMED ROBBERY" and at that point, blast him in the noses as hard as you can. I have no sympathy for criminal thugs. :eusa_snoo
    Last edited by KhorneliusPraxx; 11/04/2005 11:03am at .
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