Posted On:11/10/2005 11:52am
Style: currently xingyi
Don't do anything, It is her life, she is dealing with the situation in a way it makes her comfortable.
Sure it is not good if women don't report and go after the bastards that behave like this, but is it worth the cost of her life, happyness and sanity?
If you want to be a true friend in this situation, just mention filing a report, and leave it at that.
Reccomend therapy or support groups and tell and show her you are there to talk to, if all you do is pester her she will become frustrated with you and not want to talk to you anymore.
It's her life, let her deal with it, if that means putting it behind her and forgetting it happened then that is her decision, not yours.
Ask yourself, is your "revenge" for her benefit, or for yours?
Posted On:11/10/2005 4:38pm
Style: kickboxing, judo
i personally think that it would make feel any woman who has been raped better if she would know that the guy who did it got his **** ruined for it ... for a lifetime
Posted On:11/10/2005 8:19pm
Style: BJJ and then some
Originally Posted by Samfoo
She didn't tell anyone for a couple months and didn't file a police report. She won't tell my roommate (she's better friends with him) and I who did it, so we can't go kill him... or at least make sure he doesn't touch another girl again without hurting. I'm really frustrated and pissed off right now. I don't understand the mentality of not trying to make him pay. GOD I _hate_ that there are guys out there who are going to continue to be sexual predators.
I am also assuming you're both young. In that case, at least she got it over with and still has enough time to heal from it. The funny thing about sexual assault is that it's going to happen to most of the women that you know. I generally am not friends with women (too catty for my taste, usually), but I recently started working somewhere where the employees are mostly women. And as I've gotten to know them, we've all talked about the time(s) we were raped or molested. Lisa was molested at 10 years old, Caitlin was raped by her brother for years, Jane was assauted in high school, Kirsten was raped in college, and so was I. Granted, we're all pretty good friends at this point, but when we mention it, it just rolls out like how we would explain how old we were when we finally got our driver's licenses.
So, on the bright side, your friend has time to get over it. And she now knows what to look out for. That's the thing. It's easy to get raped once, because you don't expect it. The majority of sexual assaults come from someone you know, when you expect that you'll be randomly attacked in the parking garage at midnight. It throws you for a loop. You don't think to fight back, because here is someone who was your friend, and you can't hurt your friends. Your mind goes through all sorts of horrible thoughts, and by the time you realize just how terrible this event is, it's done. By the time you think to fight back, he's left you on the roof, wrapped in a blanket. You crawl back to wherever you can stay safe, sleep on it, wake up forgetting anything even happened, and then you notice that your panties are covered in blood.
At this point, what do you do? Do you tell your friends? They probably have heard by now that you fucked some guy like a slut, and they may or may not believe that you were raped. Maybe they'll feign sympathy for now, but once you tell them that it was their own boyfriend's best friend, she'll choose him over you. Do you tell your mother and break her heart? Do you tell your father and risk having him sent to jail for several years because he feels bound to protect you, even if that means purchasing a hand gun with the intent of killing the assholes that raped you? Do you talk to the cops? Do you really think your word is going to count against a whole group of frat brothers who wouldn't snitch on each other, even if it meant the moral decline of their own souls? There are other authorities. If the attacker and victim both attend the same school, you could tell the school. So the judicial affairs office finds out, and then what? You have to interview with person after person, you're expected to tell people you've never met about the single most horrible event of your life. It's not easy. They'll ask you the same intimate questions over and over again. You'll have to use sterile, bland, medical terminology to explain something that a linguistic re-creation couldn't even touch.
And then, a few months later, there will be no aftermath. There will be no justice. The guys who put you through the worst emotional pain ever imaginable will be let off to do whatever they want to do. There will be a demand that they write an essay explaining why they are so sorry for what they did, but they won't be expelled. They won't have their degrees revoked. They won't be put on probation, they won't be required to attend bullshit sensitivity seminars. You'll see them out with their girlfriends, and you'll see them in business suits on their way to fellowship interviews.
You will feel lost and impotent. Your boyfriends, if you tell them, if you have to explain why, occasionally, certain things remind you of a past event, they will want to go and kill those guys. Maybe they'll get quiet and sad, thinking of all the women they've known with similar stories. Or maybe you'll have to stop them, with their gun tucked into their waistband, knowing that murder isn't going to solve the issue. You'll show them the spot where it happened as you drive by sometime, becuse it's on a busy street and you can't always avoid going past. They'll feel the urge to return the next day with a can of gasoline and a book of matches. You'll have to plead with them to stay home with you.
But maybe, what you'll realize some day is that yes, revenge is well deserved. But what you really need is a revenge of your own. Having your boyfriend go and do it for you will not be much of a relief. Sure, the bastards will never do it again to another girl, but you, you'll feel just as helpless as you were when you were lying there and taking it.
What gets me through it is knowing that someday, I will destroy that fucker's life. And I refuse to let any of the men in my life interfere with that plan.
So, Samfoo, I understand what you're thinking. And if you're thinking it for the right reasons, I'll have to commend you. But this is her issue. This is her rape. It is also her revenge, should it be necessary for her to act on it. Don't take that away from her.
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