The Art of Parody

**Year Zero** · Posted On: 7/04/2005 2:02am

I had never heard of Phil Elmore until I came here. After reading his site, and in particular that idiotic reponse he has to would be "challengers" I realized that there is only one way to deal with idiots like this- parody. Ever since I started spending time reading about these RBSD "arts" my mind starts coming up with satirical ideas. For example:

Start a website advertising RBSD with the following features:

1. The name has to be some accronym that sounds really cool like K.I.L.L. or M.A.I.M., or for maximum hyperbole make it something really long like S.U.R.VI.I.V.E.

2. The martial art needs to have some military tie in-

EXAMPLE: The Actual Fighting Techniques of the Waffen SS! The Fighting Art of North Korean Special Forces! Fighting system of the French Foreign Legion!!!

3. As an alternative to the above, you could claim the art is a compilation of "real" techniques from around the world, rattling off a list of various military organizations from the Khmer Rouge to the Swiss Guards.

4. This is the best part- after creating a fake "Dojo" background, demonstrate some techniques, all for painfully specific types of attacks, and no technique has less than 18 steps to complete.

5. All the text on the site should mirror the same kind of crap Phil and his ilk would say e.g. This is for REAL COMBAT, it's too deadly for the ring, etc.

6. Link the site to Phil's site. I believe there is no legal reprecussion for doing this.

7. Create links to several parody sites featuring other totally bullshit "arts", create as many arts until you are satisfied- I even thought of creating an "art" that is entirely based on the LETHAL techniques of classic fighting games. I mean how many times has Gracie ever had to dodge a fireball or dragon punch? THOSE techniques are too deadly for the ring!

The end result is that as people run across these sites, they basically laugh their ass off and might learn a lesson about RBSD in the process. If they follow the link to Phil, they will assume he is a joke too. By the time they figure out that he is serious, it will just make him look that much more idiotic. If you can't beat him, JOIN him!!!

MY 2 CENTS ON RBSD... just for the record.

I don't have a lot of MA experience, but I do have military experience- these hucksters trying to sell "The official unarmed combat methods of Insert-obscure-special-forces-organization-from-random-country-here". Are way outside of the bounds of reality. First off, you learn some basic self-defense moves in army basic. Then they tell you never to use those techniques in a fight, that most fights go to the ground(especially in combat), and then you wrestle in real time in the sand pit- so there is real time sparring to a degree. Of course the rigors of combat and the load you would be carrying is such that if you were ever to go hand to hand with somebody, you aren't going to be pulling hip-throws, seoi nage, or even throwing punches. If you throw a punch against another soldier, all he has to do is duck so that your fist smacks into solid steel or kevlar. If you are trying to key lock someone on the ground, you are likely to be shot.

People simply assume from movies that the more "elite" a particular unit is supposed to be, the more advanced their martial arts training is, and that it must be some lethal system because hey, they're ELITE SOLDIERS! It doesn't really work that way. Sure they are taught counters to all sorts of armed/unarmed attacks, but because of the conditions of combat they are unlikely to work- and of course those "lethal" or disabling tactics are not taught at full speed. If you end up in a CQC situation, you will most likely fall to the ground with your opponent, and you should be using every possible weapon available.

One more thing for those "Navy SEAL/SF/Ranger/Israeli special forces martial artists" who don't believe in "sportfighting"- There is a way you can prove your dangerous techniques- by simply disregarding safety altogether. Russian soldiers often practice Russian Martial Art at full speed with minimal safety rules and equipment(sometimes none at all). They also tend to lose teeth, suffer serious injuries, and even die due to this training. So if being a badass is so important to such people, they can try their "crippling" techniques at full speed and deal with the pain.

**Poop Loops** · Posted On: 7/04/2005 2:06am

You're saying what we're all thinking. That's boring.

I say instead of that, we should just make a website, put ALL of Phil's ORIGINAL pictures on there, with no words or anything.

PL

**Porrig** · Posted On: 7/04/2005 3:51am

Phil doesn't need parody. He's enough of a joke all by himself.

**JKDChick** · Posted On: 7/04/2005 10:42am

Still, I like the effort you put in here. Welcome to Bullshido.

**Year Zero** · Posted On: 7/04/2005 10:58am

Originally Posted by JKDChick

Still, I like the effort you put in here. Welcome to Bullshido.

Thanks. If I ever get any of these parody sites off the ground I'll be sure to provide links.

**Wounded Ronin** · Posted On: 7/04/2005 11:47am

Heh, on the subject of your initial rant...

If you click on some of the adds, you can turn up some real hyper military CQC death pages. There's one that shows a normal guy looking in a mirror, and reflected in the mirror is a guy with facial camo and a black super special ops sweater. It's really funny.