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  1. BlackFyre is offline

    Registered Member

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    Feb 2005
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    74

    Posted On:
    5/20/2005 9:11pm


     Style: Tae Kwon Do, Aikido

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    A "True" Story!

    Actually, no it isn't. At least I HOPE it isn't. In any case, it's still pretty funny.

    This has appeared in rec.martial-arts:

    EVIL TAI CHI


    Greeting, fellow martial artist. Please allow me introducing myself.

    I am Dr. Yang Sze, EVIL MASTER OF CHI!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!


    Allow me relate you this story young man who visit my kwoon. He come my kwoon wear Brazil jiujitsu t-shirt and he say his name Gichoke. He asking me I teaching grappling technique. I say no, young Blowchunk, I teaching taichi chuan. He getting mad and say my name Gichoke not Blowchunk, then he disrespectful taichi chuan. He say taichi for old man like me, then say his Brazil jiujitsu technique beat my technique.

    I say young Fudgepoke, you make me laughing, MWAHAHAHA!!!! So he again getting mad and say my name Gichoke not Fudgepoke and challenge me to fighting. I say you silly little high school boy, go back rolling around on floor with other boy. MWAHAHAHA!!!! My evil-style taichi chuan is most best combat system, if proper technique no can defend! Only practicing chi powers making TRUE MARTIAL ARTIST and you young Sheeppoke are weak in ways of chi! But silly little boy insist so we go into my training room. He ask where mat for floor because my kwoon floor hard wood. I say no mat for evil-style taichi young Gijoke! MWAHAHAHA!!!! Now he getting afraid but he too stupid to leave. So I say you attacking me now, young Gispunk! And he try to shoot under my arms and taking me to floor, but I using internal strength technique from evil-style taichi and bitchslapping Gichunk into wall! MWAHAHAHA!!!! Many time he attacking and many time I bitchslapping silly boy. But silly boy still attacking so I change to deadly dimmak technique. Only using one finger striking and only touching Gichoad now, but every time he attacking and every time he falling to floor scream in pain and silly boy crying about hard wooden floor! MWAHAHAHA!!!! So now I using deadly pressure-point chinna grappling technique and flipping silly boy into air and landing on hard floor. I say now I demonstrating more weakness Brazil jiujitsu system. I say now I demonstrating Chinese animal style kung fu, and my style is dog-style kung fu. So I blow whistle and my attack dog Fang coming into kwoon! Fang attacking young Gichimp and Fang biting silly boys arms and face. I say Brazil jiujitsu not complete martial art, can no defend against dog! MWAHAHAHA!!!! But stupid boy saying **** you, so I kicking silly boy in head while he wrestling Fang. So I say see young Gipoke Brazil jiujitsu technique no can defend multiple attackers! MWAHAHAHA!!!! After silly boy bleeding long time I tell Fang go away. So I asking young Gipuke you believing in chi powers now? He say no, so I say I now using ancient Chinese secret art of feng-shui against him. Stupid boy asking what is feng-shui? So I say feng-shui most ancient art of manipulate chi power by rearrange furniture. Very powerful system, can no defend! So silly boy laughing and say you will defeat me using interior decoration?

    Then he disrespectful feng-shui so I demonstrating. I kicking coffee table into silly boys knee, then I move chair behind silly boy, then kicking Gijoke against chair. Silly boys head is flying into desk corner and cracking head open. So I say see silly boy this furniture position much worse for your chi! MWAHAHAHA!!!! But STILL stupid boy no give up, so now I using most deadly technique of no touching chi power KONG JING!!!! So I saying you call your name Gichoke so now I showing you CHI CHOKE! MWAHAHAHA!!!! So I standing across kwoon from silly boy but I using kong jing power and choking stupid young Gispunk.

    After silly boy waking up I asking now you believing chi powers? Gichunk get down on hands and knees and begging forgiveness, asking please me teaching him secrets of evil-style taichi. He finally learning that Brazil jiujitsu technique no can defend against chi powers!!! So I saying young Gipunk, you are weak in ways of chi but you have demonstrating much willpower in our combat. So I teaching you evil-style taichi!!! EMBRACE DARK SIDE OF CHI, AND WE CAN RULING WORLD TOGETHER AS FATHER AND SON!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! So Gispunk becoming Dr Yang Sze first American student and giving up silly Brazil jiujitsu!

    But I no am teaching Gichoad true secret of evil-style taichi! When silly boy knocked out from hitting desk, I using ancient Chinese secret. No Dr. Yang not using Calgon! MWAHAHAHA!!!! I using hypnosis on silly boy so when I doing phoney kong jing technique silly boy thinking he choking! Now I renaming Gichoke as new name Chijoke, and he serving Dr. Yang as personal slave! MWAHAHAHA!!!! I teaching Chijoke fen shou technique, making silly boy to cleaning my toilet with bare hands! MWAHAHAHA!!!! And in return I teaching Chijoke phoney taichi techniques I learn from David Carradine video tapes and exercise I saying is chi kung really from Richard Simmons "Sweating To The Oldies" videos! MWAHAHAHA!!!! And Chijoke paying $200 dollar every month for phoney taichi, and if silly boy asking about technique not effective I say take twenty year to master. And if young Chijoke doubt power then he remembering back to him choking with kong jing power!!! Silly boy mind very weak easy to manipulate! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
    So you maybe asking why I doing terrible mean things to young Chijoke?

    Because I am Dr. Yang Sze, EVIL MASTER OF CHI!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
  2. Kistrael is offline
    Kistrael's Avatar

    Noob: Reloaded

    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Montgomery County, PA
    Posts
    1,105

    Posted On:
    5/20/2005 9:20pm

    supporting member
     Style: MT nub, Ex-Tang Soo Do

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    You mean you can't tell that it's fake?
    DIDN'T YOU KNOW?! The Chinese know everything! And they knew it 4,000 years before YOU did!

    "Yes. Yes I am. I'm clearly illiterate and dictating this post to a squadron of several dozen trained jumping beans I've coearced into living on my keyboard, each named after a letter or character, which bounce up and down as I call their names." -JohnnyCache
  3. DCS is online now
    DCS's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    4,036

    Posted On:
    5/20/2005 9:25pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: 柔道

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I think i had a deja-vu.
  4. JohnnyCache is offline
    JohnnyCache's Avatar

    All Out of Bubblegum

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    10,471

    Posted On:
    5/21/2005 12:12am

    supporting memberforum leader
     Style: MMA

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Dude. You know what kind of Deja-vu problems I've been having . . .

    There's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you. I've gone to great lengths to expand my threshold of pain. I will use my mistakes against you. There's no other choice.
  5. Kistrael is offline
    Kistrael's Avatar

    Noob: Reloaded

    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Montgomery County, PA
    Posts
    1,105

    Posted On:
    5/21/2005 12:34am

    supporting member
     Style: MT nub, Ex-Tang Soo Do

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Siffle and Ollie, holy crap. *Flashback*
    DIDN'T YOU KNOW?! The Chinese know everything! And they knew it 4,000 years before YOU did!

    "Yes. Yes I am. I'm clearly illiterate and dictating this post to a squadron of several dozen trained jumping beans I've coearced into living on my keyboard, each named after a letter or character, which bounce up and down as I call their names." -JohnnyCache
  6. slavegan is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    a couple of hours away from blashyrk
    Posts
    63

    Posted On:
    5/21/2005 4:10am


     Style: Kickboxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    this one is old. i read it years ago but still its quite funny.
  7. Namrepus221 is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    240

    Posted On:
    5/23/2005 12:38am


     Style: None

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by JohnnyCache
    Dude. You know what kind of Deja-vu problems I've been having . . .

    You have some serious ass Deja-vu having problems
    Last edited by Namrepus221; 5/23/2005 3:26pm at .
  8. JKDChick is offline
    JKDChick's Avatar

    Senior Administrator

    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    8,131

    Posted On:
    5/23/2005 1:41am

    staff
     Style: JKD, BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Someone should give the guy a job writing comedy.
    Monkey Ninjas! Attack!
  9. BaguaMonk is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    301

    Posted On:
    5/24/2005 3:43am


     Style: Alien Cosmic Chi Quan

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Sounds like it was written by a BJJER who has no understanding of Taiji, and decides to go off on it with 8th grade humor. I could be wrong. I've never met any taiji practicioner who trains to develop "chi powers."

    Funny I guess.
  10. feedback is offline
    feedback's Avatar

    UAAAH!

    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    4,082

    Posted On:
    5/24/2005 3:47am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Muay Thai

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Ok cool thanks for the story, it was ****.
    Tough is not how you act, tough is how you train.
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