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Thread: Chris Garland

  1. #31

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    Did anyone else catch that picture in the top left of the front page that demonstrated his 'defence against two aerial twirling attacks'? What is that supposed to be? Is he flipping them? Defending against two people that throw their limp bodies while flailing their arms like windmills? Horse stance defence against Capoeria ninjas? Someone help me out here, I'm confused... I also like his thoughtful gaze into the middle distance while defending.

  2. #32

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Another journalist's take on Garland:

    http://www.nashvillescene.com/cgi-bi...ws:Cover_Story

    (Sounds like this guy is the kind who might be interested in Omega's account of Garland's astonishing feats...)

  3. #33
    JohnnyCache's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Would Hawkeye or Poidog maybe know this guy based on the time he was a ranger?

    EDIT: OK, I missread the part labeled "claims" as part of his actual record. The funny thing is, like that second article says, it seems like this guy wouldn't have to lie to sound qualified...guess he just has to go that extra mile.

    Omega, how did he KO a bird?

    Edit part 2: Read how he KOed the bird. What a joik.
    Last edited by JohnnyCache; 4/23/2005 7:35am at .


  4. #34
    Yes Koto got his name changed, quit asking... supporting member
    VikingPower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DuckofDeath
    Another journalist's take on Garland:

    http://www.nashvillescene.com/cgi-bi...ws:Cover_Story

    (Sounds like this guy is the kind who might be interested in Omega's account of Garland's astonishing feats...)
    Awesome :thumbsup: That's some pretty damning evidence they have against him. This actually got a chuckle out of me:

    He trained special operations soldiers, including Navy SEALS, in Kuwait from January to May of 2003, while scud missiles were landing perilously close by.
    Only one, repeat ONE SCUD missile actually hit the ground in Kuwait and it landed outside of Doha. It never even exploded, it actually bounced because it was a dud. The others were easily shot out of the sky by our Patriot missiles. So not really a whole lot of danger there :P

    Some fun little tidbits from the article:

    At the same time, Garland says that he doesn't falsely promote himself. "Have I ever called myself a master? No," he says. But, interestingly, the domain name for one of Garland's websites is, you guessed it, MasterGarland.com.
    "I can slice a cucumber on your arm without hurting you," he says excitedly, referring to his swordsmanship.
    Shin also says that while Garland is talented, the claim on Garland's website that he made black belt in Tae Kwan Do at the age of 7 is false.

    "Every time a story comes out, people call me," the soft-spoken Shin says from his office in Bellevue. "Most of his stories aren't quite right."

  5. #35
    feedback's Avatar
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    I couldn't help but think "Garland Greene"
    Tough is not how you act, tough is how you train.

  6. #36

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    Quote Originally Posted by DuckofDeath
    Another journalist's take on Garland:

    http://www.nashvillescene.com/cgi-bi...ws:Cover_Story

    (Sounds like this guy is the kind who might be interested in Omega's account of Garland's astonishing feats...)

    Super mega points positive varrot for you. You have made my year!!!! I will put you in my Omega Hall of fame!!! Let's send that reporter a t-shirt!!!!

  7. #37

  8. #38

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    Hey Duck do you have a link to the actual thread you posted that on.

    In further news, a friend of mine just contacted me after making him aware of those news articles. He's happy and told me he also injured another "uke" during another demonstration after the one I stated.

  9. #39
    Yes Koto got his name changed, quit asking... supporting member
    VikingPower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by omega
    Hey Duck do you have a link to the actual thread you posted that on.

    In further news, a friend of mine just contacted me after making him aware of those news articles. He's happy and told me he also injured another "uke" during another demonstration after the one I stated.
    http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23506

    He still hasn't responded to anything on his forums either.

  10. #40
    It is Fake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by omega
    Hey Duck do you have a link to the actual thread you posted that on.

    In further news, a friend of mine just contacted me after making him aware of those news articles. He's happy and told me he also injured another "uke" during another demonstration after the one I stated.

    Hey, you just leave him alone. It isn't his fault the bird didn't exhale on the strike out.

    Dolly Parton wrote a song for him so STFU!!

    http://www.cmt.com/artists/news/1486...on_dolly.jhtml

    "One of your stealth songs here that keeps sneaking back to haunt me is "I'm Gonna Miss You." What's the story there?

    I wrote that just for this album. There's a guy named Chris Garland who is a martial arts expert in Nashville, and he is so great. He had trained with the martial arts masters in the Orient. He is [country fiddle legend] Vassar Clements' grandson. He trains soldiers at Fort Campbell, and they just shipped him back last night to Afghanistan to do special training there. I got to know him because of Vassar. The first time he went over when the war first started he told me, he said, "I doubt that I'll ever come back from this, and so I want you to write a song and sing it at my funeral." And that really made me upset. Because I said, "Don't talk like that. You're gonna be comin' back. I don't know that I could sing a song at your funeral. You're a good friend, and I would have trouble with that." I can't get up and sing at funerals, if it's family and close friends. I can if it's strangers. But he begged me to write a song. Just as soon as he left the first time, I thought, you know what? If he does die, I won't be able to write it after he's dead, so I'd better get right on this. So that very night I thought, well, I'm gonna write this song just in case. I wrote it for him. Just the other day when he told us that he was being shipped out again, he said, "Well, now that you wrote the song, if I don't make it back this time, I want you to sing it at my funeral." So, that's how that came about. I think it says what a lot of families feel."

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