Co-Founder, Retired Admin
Posted On:3/01/2003 3:09pm
Style: BJJ, Karate,
The first thing I notice is how they're trying to make Ken Shamrock a commentator. Maybe thats why they exhumed him to fight Tito Ortiz in the first place. Maybe Zuffa wanted to introduce Ken to the new UFC viewers before they stuck him in a chair. They knew there was a very little chance Ken would come out of the fight in a coma or with mental retardation and even if he DID a retard wouldn't care about contracts anyway. So here he is. After geting the azz beating of his life and biitchsmacked around the ring by a shiit talking punk.
Nice to see you Ken! Say hello to LDW for me!
And you KNOW Ken needs this job right? He sure as hell dosesn't really want to fight again. Not unless its some weirdo "old time grudge match" with Tank Abbott. He wants to show Zuffa he's a capable commentator or at LEAST not fukk up TOO much.
I'm thinking ALL of this as I hear Ken Shamrock stutter and butcher peoples names as his horrified partner looks on in dismay. I dont know HOW MANY times he called Lindland "Lawless". There are 14 year old MMA fans who would NEVER make that mistake. How can you not know the names of the guys fighting? AND its your JOB!
Well this is going to be a fun night already!
The Janitor vs. Pedro "The Catatonic" Rizzo
Rizzo has been fighting like a retard lately. The guy has GREAT hands and feet and can sprawl almost as good as Chuck Liddell. He just enters this weird coma state in the ring. Maybe he's not going to do that tonight, yeah?
Vladamir shoots but Rizzo has a really good sprawl. Rizzo is a hard guy to takedown. Vladamir shoots eventually get him to the ground. Rizzo is defensive in the guard. Valadamir is working to pass. Ken Shamrock strikes again as he describes what Vladamir should do to pass the guard and says, (He has to) "....push his hand to his ass and break the guard.". They trade standing up, Rizzo looks lethargic. Rainman in the ring. The 2nd round Rizzo starts throwing some leg kicks. He's using his sprawl and stopping Vladamir from taking him down. He even manages a couple of takedowns againt the janitor but its not enough. Vladamir consitently takes him down and imposes his will.
Rizzo starts to come on stronger in the later rounds with striking but its just not enough. "The Janitor" cleans up Rainman.
Phil Baroni vs. Matt Lindland
Baroni is such a fukking dikk. Everyone hates this azzhole. Just looking at him makes me mad. And he's been talking shiit like you wouldn't believe. His post fight comments was "...I'm gonna beat the ugly out of him." He's such a cocky arrogant fukk. I personally think he's going to wreck Lindland. Lindlands only advantage will be he takedown. And if Baroni has been doing his homework he should be able to pull off a Chuck Liddell and beat Lindland with some well placed punches.
Lindland looks to be in good shape. He's a WEIRD looking guy too. What the fukk? I can't tell exactly what it is thats weird about him. He's just disturbing. Baroni walking in like he's the fukking Pope. Every gay guy watching just got a hard on.
They're feeling each other out. Lidland drops but Baroni sprawls and lands some little shots. Lindland DRIVES Baroni into the fence. OH BOY hes in Baroni's half guard hitting him in the mouth. Baroni gets back up. Good punches by Baroni but Lindland is a HELL of alot tougher than he looks. HUGE takedown by Lindland. Throws Phil right on his azz. Baronis on th floor, up against the fence. Lindland pounding him. Rd. ends.
They start off trading punches. Even exchanges too. The clinch and trade takedowns, Lindland takes down Baroni and gets full side control. Lindland has a sweet keylock. Baroni twists his arm out. Baroni cant do SHIIT from th bottom. Chump. Ha Ha. Baroni rolls to his feet. akedownagain by Lindland in full side control. He's beating the SHIZNITZ out of Baroni from the top. Elbows and punches by Lindland. Baroni is saved by the bell.
Right about now Zuffa is wetting their undergarments because their little poster-boy in training is getting his azz handed to him by a goofy looking old man. They CANNOT be happy about this.
Long feeling out. BIG straight right hand by Baroni, dead on the chin. Lindand is TOUGH though. Lindland gets the takedown. Has Baroni up against the fence. POUNDING him. Matt Lindland is making Phil Baroni his BIITCH. BOOM. Take that junior. THE FUKKING REF RE-STARTS THEM!?! Zuffa is trying to screw Lindland. Trust me. they're PRAYING Baroni gets the knockout and puts this ugly fukk to rest. That was a HORRIBLE restart. Lindlanf was in CLEAR control and throwing blows. Boosheet. Lindland shoots. Baroni sprawls hard. Up against the fence. Baroni in top sprawl position. DRILLING Lindland with kidney punches. DAMN. Left, right, left, right..... I cant believe Lindland can take this! He's going to be fukked up after this fight. He gets the single leg.
Matt Lindland made Baroni his BIITCH. He wins and proves ME wrond, thats for sure. But when he's in the hospitol because his kidneys are bruised to all holy hell he can thank ZUFFA for that cheesy restart just so their golden boy could have a chance at beating him.
BJ "The Crybaby" Penn vs. Caol Uno
This should be a good fight. BJ is always overrated but he's still got skills. Uno has good standup and crazy stamina on the ground. Uno comes into the ring and does his weird fukking lay down and play dead routine. BJ comes in all hard. He things hes the bay boy all of a sudden. BJ is staring down uno from across the ring. BJ is one flaky guy. He's as weird as Uno looks.
They start and Uno attempts to touch gloves but BJ "The crybaby" wont do it. Either he thinks Uno is beneath him(probable) or he's in one of his BJ zones and is thinking random thoughts and is completely unaware that Uno even attempted to touch gloves with him. Uno starts the round off with a good takedown. BJ makes it back to his feet. They trade takedowns. BJ gets a good double leg and Uno turns his back. BJ Penn takes Uno's back. BJ working the choke but Uno can defend REALLY well. Uno get to his feet and throws a good leg kick. Takedown Penn into full side control. BJ takes Uno's back AGAIN. BJ punching while on Uno's back. Uno defends the rear mount well and BJ cant finish him by the end of the 1st round.
The second round is similar to the first. Trading takedowns, Uno is using his leg kicks very effectively. Uno puts BJ up against the fence and gets a nice sweep, Uno lands in BJ's half guard. Bj gets back to his feet and Uno throws his again into half guard. The round ends with Uno in control of Penn.
Uno tries again in the 3rd to touch gloves and BJ just waves him off. Why would HE, BJ Penn, want to touch gloves with a filthy mortal SCUM like Caol Uno anyway? He's BJ Penn! Good standup by Uno. Uno is OWNING Bj on their feet this round. Uno throws a wild spinning back kick and misses but gets a takedown ino BJ's half guard. BJ gets to his feet and eats a leg kick before getting a good double on Uno and full side control for Penn. Uno turns his back again but Penn cannot finish him. Uno gets within BJ's guard. Good punches. BJ's defense from he bottom does not look too good. Round ends.
The round starts with more solid leg kicks from Uno. Uno is controlling the standup. Takedown by Penn into Unos half guard. Uno turns and sits up giving BJ his back AGAIN. Uno is cut over his left eye. He rolls BJ off his back and into the full guard, BJ on bottom. They get to their feet. Another good low kick from Uno. Penn with the takedown, takes Uno's back yet AGAIN! This guy keeps giving his fukking back, but Penn cant finish him. Back to their feet. Bj punches, BIG takedown by BJ Penn at the bell.
Last round and I can't help but listen to Ken Shamrock babble about how BJ is the champ and Uno must defeat him convincingly. I wonder if this brain dead idiot realizes that BJ is NOT the champ ad this fight is FOR the belt. His dimwitted associate is trying to bail him out in the comment dept. but is failing miserably. Bj punches at Uno. Uno gos for a single leg but is denied. Good punches by BJ. Uno is bleeding. Uno is fearless. He's walking at BJ Penn and not backing down. They go to the mat and BJ Takes Uno's back again. Uno fights out and they get to their feet. They are trading blows standing. The bell sounds. Very close match. The only thing I have to say is that BJ is Booooooriiiiiiiiing....... He stands in the middle of the ring like a fukking catatonic and hopes his opponent leaves himself open. I wonder what kind of wacky azz speech he's going to give this time. Fukking weirdo Hawaiin goofball mothefukker. Judges bring back a decision or 38-37 for Uno, 38-39 for Penn and 38-38 even. The match ends in a DRAW.
Bj does not lok happy. Uno shows Crybaby's corner respect and shakes all of their hands. Uno's corner tries to show BJ respect but he basically blows them off like the little prikk that he is. Fukk BJ Penn. I have more fun watching MOSS grow than watching this defensive crybaby stand idle in a ring and pray his opponent makes a huge mistake.
Tank Abbott vs. Frank Mir.
I like Tank. I really don't think he has any superb skills and would be WAY better as a commentator. they should have HIM and Shamrock commentating. THAT I would pay to see. Tank's hilarious. Mir walks into the ring looking fit and ready. Tank comes in like he just lifted his fat azz off the bar stool. This should be fun.
Tank comes out swinging but Mir shoots. Tank has a decent sprawl and ends up punching Mir fromthe top. Mir goes for an Uma Plata shoulder lock. Tank isnt rolling. His arm is bent though. Mir is LONG, he goes for Tank's ankle. Mir cranks on a GOODtoe hold. A GOOD toe hold. DAN he's cranking that shiit! Tank taps. 45 seconds into the first round. Mir is talking shiit in the ring about how Tank is going to go to the hospital. Tank says he's walking just fine and will see Mir in the bar later. Tank is a funny guy, but he's old. Stick him next to Kenny and let them run commentary.
Ricco "I love myself" Rodriguez vs. Tim Sylvia
Ricco is one of the most overrated fighters in the world, next to Josh Barnett of course. Neither of them would last 1 round in Pride. Silvia is a BIG BOY. He looks like he's in good shape too. Ricco is staring across the ring all piss and vinegar. He's bouncing and the blubber is following suit and bouncing along for the ride. Let me ask you a question: Who the fukk in their right mind gave Sylvia the nickname "The Maniac"? I hope he loses his job for that. Its idiotic. And how many times is fukking wet end Shamrock going to call this guy "Silva"? Maybe Ken should comment for Pride. Dumb azz.
They open up with some punches. they clinch and Silvia THROWS Ricco Suave to the canvas HARD. Silvia is in Riccos guard. Ricco tries to move some of his fat in for an armbar, Silvia picks him up and drops him on his head for the trouble. Ooooooooooh, Silvia is punching pretty boy in his face. They stand up. They trade on their feet. HUGE punch by Silvia sends Ricco into the fence. DEVESTATING punch to the head on the way down from Sylvia. Ricco is OUT. The ref stops the fight and rightfully so.
Man I'm tired now. There are a couple of other matches ut I really couldnt give a shiit less about them. Yves Edward is fighting and he's always good, but nothing is going to top Lindland beating the arrogant SNOT out of Baroni. I'm going to end the night on THAT note. I hope serra wins because I dont want ALL of my picks to go wrong.
I've been talking to these damn cultish strikers for so long that they are starting to draw me into their strange cult. I picked most of the strikers when I should know better. Oh well. Fukk Phil Baroni. I'm glad I didn't be on his stuck up steroid ridden azz. The talks ALL THAT **** and then makes a FOOL of himself! Gets his AZZ KICKED HAHAHAHA!!!!! Thats the fight of the night as far as I'm concerned and I've never been so happy to be wrong in my life.
Thank you Matt Lindland
Edited by - PeedeeShaolin on March 01 2003 14:10:58
"All warfare is based on deception." -Sun Tzu, ca. 400BC
Reverse punch Kiaii!!!
Ad Hominem rocks.
Posted On:3/01/2003 3:33pm
Style: BJJ, mma
As someone who doesn't have PPV, I thank you PD.
Someone should do this for every major event, Pride and UFC.
"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind"
The Man with No Neck
Posted On:3/01/2003 4:29pm
Style: submission wrestling
Let me ask you a question: Who the fukk in their right mind gave Sylvia the nickname "The Maniac"?
Sylvia is from Maine, hence the nickname "Maine-iac". Just listen to him in his post-fight interview ("I hit him haaad!"). Jesus, he has a thick accent. Of couse, after watching what he did to Ricco, I wouldn't want to be the one to point that out.
"Go cry about it Vargas. Aren't you late for your shift at McDonald's?"
"I had once talked to Billy Conn, the boxer, about professionals versus amateurs - specifically street fighters. One had always heard rumors of champions being taken out by back-alley fighters. Conn was scornful. "Aw, it's like hitting a girl," he said. "They're nothing."
- George Plimpton
Posted On:3/01/2003 4:38pm
PD, it's funny you should go off on Ken for mispronouncing names when you spelled Sylvia's name wrong 7 times <img src=icon_smile_tongue.gif border=0 align=middle> Otherwise good review.
Posted On:3/01/2003 9:36pm
PeeDee -- tell them about your prediction for the Lindland/Baloni fight...
Pedro "the catatonic" ..I like that.
The man they call FoM
Posted On:3/02/2003 4:47pm
Nice writing PD, didn't realise you were a good recapper.
And yeah, I'm glad Baroni got his ass handed to him. He only went the distance because they've got rounds, otherwise it would have been much quicker as well.
Make friends with them until they beg for mercy.
The Wastrel - So attractive he HAS to be a woman.
Posted On:3/04/2003 10:25am
PeedeeShaolin: why do you think people care about the UFC? Most people in the world don't! There are no real "stars" in the UFC. It's simply a new sport without much backing behind it. The competitors are bland guys. There's not a single UFC fighter with even 1/2 the charisma of a Mike Tyson or a Roy Jones Jr (by the way Roy is certainly the best boxer in the world). You see that's the problem, no charisma! I'm not totally against the UFC and they can fight, but who really cares? The UFC has been reduced to the rank and file of the wrestle mania idiots. Think about it.......
They call me:
"The Money Shot Guru"
Posted On:3/04/2003 11:58am
Hey Balloon, if you don't like MMA venues, don't watch 'em. I watched the Roy Jones fight. I thought it was kind of boring myself. Compare that to the recent Shamrock/Ortiz or Lindland/Baroni fight. By the way, being full of yourself and acting like a spoiled brat (RJJ) or acting like a total fucking idiot (Tyson) is not charisma. Having class and presence and inspiring people is charisma. I consider very few athletes to be charismatic. The only MMA fighters I would label 'charismatic' would be someone like Sakuraba, Genki Suko, maybe Carlos Newton. Frank Shamrock had a little, but not enough to make an impression.
"Go cry about it Vargas. Aren't you late for your shift at McDonald's?"
Posted On:3/04/2003 2:37pm
Believe me Vargas, I don't watch them. I hate the whole attitude that lays behind them! UFC types are a bunch of macho idiots. As far as your other comments go.... you know NOTHING!!!
They call me:
"The Money Shot Guru"
Posted On:3/04/2003 4:45pm
Balloonknot: most people don't care about boxing either.
UFC's a new sport thats growing. People care about it, including most people on this forum.
Make friends with them until they beg for mercy.
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