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  1. #1

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    Books with Aeso - Volume 1

    Welcome to the first edition of Books with Aeso. Over the coming weeks I will be exploring the martial arts shelves of my local book stores and compiling my finding.

    ----

    Allow me to be direct: Internal martial arts are gay.

    I am not talking about effectiveness or anything like that. We already know that's a joke. I'm talking about how through all of the BJJ instructional books I have read, I have yet to run across multiple illustrations of a man's anus and scotum, which cannot be said of IMA.

    Oh, you think I'm joking. Then feel free to check out some of the IMA titles yourself:

    Baguazhang (Chinese Internal Martial Arts) by Shou-Yu Liang, Wen-Ching Wu, Jwing-Ming Yang

    By chance, upon flipping to a random page, the first words I read out of this book were the following:
    In Chinese martial arts or Qigong in order to lead the Qi inward and store it in the bone marrow, you must know how to coordinate your breathing and the anus (i.e. grain path).
    (pp. 106)

    The text just keeps going on and on about how important it was to teach the peasantry to practice "anus lifting" to help cultivate chi in their Huiyin cavity. Maybe we just don't appreciate the finer points of martial arts, but I can't say I've ever read anus cooridination instructions in BJJ material.

    What's this Huiyin cavity? I'm glad you asked.



    Huiyin Cavity (Fig. 2-9, pp. 107)

    I felt obligated to faithfully recreate this illustration for you, just so I'm not the only person forced to look at crude renderings of a man's anus and scotum by IMA.

    This illustration can also be found in one of Ashia Kim's books. I think it was Iron Body Ninja.

    Chin Na in Ground Fighting: Principles, Theory and Submission Holds for All Martial Styles by Al Arsenault, Joe Faulise

    This did not start too badly. They want to help me learn to use chin na in whatever style I might study. I was heartened to learn that some dumpy white guys wanted to help me learn to poke my thumbs into eye sockets while rolling. I can respect that.

    Suddenly, without warning, naked men. Full frontal and rear nudity. (pp. 98-100)

    The artist even took care to ensure the scotum to hung unevenly and that the head of the penis really caught your eye.

    The following pages contained similarly nude men, but they had Ken doll crotches. Why then would they feel the need to draw the male genitalia with such careful detail on this first man?

    Shaolin Chin Na by Jwing-Ming Yang

    Opening this book, I was greeted by a strapping young white male in tight white underwear.

    What, what, what?

    Oh, okay, the chapter is entitled "Massage", and tells me of the importance of a healthy body in martial arts. That makes sense, right?

    Right?

    What followed were pages and pages of Jwing-Ming Yang's skinny hands rubbing his almost bare ivory body.

    Hands running up the back of his thighs, then gripping firmly his buttock before pressing his closed first straight between his quivering cheeks. (Fig. 18-22, pp. 60)

    Hands caressing his rippling upper body, stopping to grab his chest, palms pressing against his undoubtedly hard nipples. (Fig. 33, pp. 62)

    Nearing climax, hands trace their way up his inner thigh and pressing deeply into his loins, his tight white underwear bulging at the intimate touch. (Fig. 37-38, pp. 63)

    I want this imagery to burn brightly in your mind's eye the next time you start make a "BJJ is ghey" joke.

    Feel free to visit you local book store and open a BJJ book against an IMA one, and see which is the first to mention the need to cultivate your anus.

    ----

    I hope you enjoy this first edition of Books with Aeso. You can look forward to my upcoming research into the genital crushing Japanese martial arts. OR NOT.
    Last edited by Aesopian; 1/12/2006 12:55pm at .

  2. #2
    feedback's Avatar
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    Thread delivers
    Tough is not how you act, tough is how you train.

  3. #3
    Shuma-Gorath's Avatar
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  4. #4

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    Are you in the closet? It's totally cool if you are dude. It's just a little weird for a straight man to spend so much time freaking out over a couple of nude drawings and the word 'anus', imo. Probably you're just really, really immature.

    Or maybe all the gay jokes bjj guys seem to attract have made you super-sensitive?
    "It does not matter who the master is. It does not matter what the face looks like. The masters are of the Qimen school of qigong/meditation which is related to Zen. The master wears white robes, and the predecessor master wears bright gold robes. The qimen school travels the univers and is not restricted to what paradise they live in. It has many masters" -Serious Harm

  5. #5

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  6. #6
    Founder/GrandSensei of Joint British / Papua New Guinean Non-contact Lawn Bowls Jiu Jitsu Committee
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    By your definition, medical books are also gay? Books on anatomy?

    Most IMA advocate some kind of anus lifting to engage the muscles that connect your body above and below the waist. It aids in coordination. Ballerinas also do it.

    Then again, ballet is teh ghey right?
    Imports from Japan, Shipping Worldwide! Art Junkie, Scramble, BJJ Spirits, Reversal...
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  7. #7

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    Regardless, I still thought it was very funny.

  8. #8

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    You people are tragically unfunny.

  9. #9
    ravenink's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aesopian
    You people are tragically unfunny.

    Strangely that was the funniest thing in the whole thread.

  10. #10

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