How to be a vigilante

**jubei33** · Posted On: 9/19/2012 3:55pm

Originally Posted by Permalost

Do you have any openings in evil anthropology? Looting face-melting arcs and such?

We do not involve ourselves in petty discrimination between majors. Such is a child's view of how the world works. We also recognize that education is a intensely personal endeavor, an incremental improvement of the soul, which does not always occur within a classroom, but when or wherever personal limitations are faced eye to eye and overcome tooth for tooth. We will always have a place for those motivated individuals.

That said:
Q1: Two 2.5 cm stainless steel prongs are located several inches apart and are connected to a very large tesla coil applying a sufficiently high voltage. These are deviously connected to the light switch in a 10x15X10 room. If the negative terminal prong is held in place by a large dish, what finely powdered metal would one need to use to illuminate the room with a shocking wicked witch green? Hades red?

Q2: My neighbors dog has been barking at night for the last week. What means would you suggest for taking care of this problem?

Q3: An irate customer is at the counter. You would: a) tell him you'll be right back. b) shoot him with the osmotic hypertonicator. c) release the dogs. d) not make eye contact or acknowledge he exists. d) demand a back and foot massage. e) Talk with a well mannered and reasonable tone, setting him at ease. Try to work together to solve the issue, then call in the sky harpees. f)Open a live culture of S. pyogenes and place it in front of the fan. g) offer him some delicious brie and a glass of nice merlot, before serving him his dog. h) call the police i) throw your handkerchief at him as a distraction, then jump the counter. j) tranquilizer gun. k) commune with the animal spirits before solving the problem. l) use tesla coil on the stainless steel counter top. m) trap door lever. n) Suggest that a healthy dose of gamma radiation may solve the problem. o) Tell him the before the problem can be solved, the 'pumps must be cleaned', then leave the office in drag complete with 10 inch stiletto heels. p) Tell him that the Bell's palsy will almost assuredly wear off, that is as soon as he apologizes for "it" q) Did you get that thing I sent you? You remember--last friday--I sent it last week? r) Tell him his wife is hot with a wink, then offer to repair his AC. s) ask him to ask you why you're not wearing any pants. t) release the balloons for the 100,000th customer surprise, then tell him the prize is a hotwheels 'split decision' custom cruzer.

**jubei33** · Posted On: 9/19/2012 4:15pm

Originally Posted by Styygens

I don't have to fight fair -- I'm a vigilante!

Yeah, I know how you feel.

**Permalost** · Posted On: 9/19/2012 4:35pm

Originally Posted by jubei33

We do not involve ourselves in petty discrimination between majors. Such is a child's view of how the world works.

DOOM has spoken!

We also recognize that education is a intensely personal endeavor, an incremental improvement of the soul, which does not always occur within a classroom, but when or wherever personal limitations are faced eye to eye and overcome tooth for tooth. We will always have a place for those motivated individuals.

Word.

Q1: Two 2.5 cm stainless steel prongs are located several inches apart and are connected to a very large tesla coil applying a sufficiently high voltage. These are deviously connected to the light switch in a 10x15X10 room. If the negative terminal prong is held in place by a large dish, what finely powdered metal would one need to use to illuminate the room with a shocking wicked witch green? Hades red?

Barium? Strontium?

Q2: My neighbors dog has been barking at night for the last week. What means would you suggest for taking care of this problem?

Confront him with a person who is, or appears to be, a law enforcement officer, as to avoid him going to the police, which is a likely outcome in a lot of other scenarios.

Q3: An irate customer is at the counter. You would: a) tell him you'll be right back. b) shoot him with the osmotic hypertonicator. c) release the dogs. d) not make eye contact or acknowledge he exists. d) demand a back and foot massage. e) Talk with a well mannered and reasonable tone, setting him at ease. Try to work together to solve the issue, then call in the sky harpees. f)Open a live culture of S. pyogenes and place it in front of the fan. g) offer him some delicious brie and a glass of nice merlot, before serving him his dog. h) call the police i) throw your handkerchief at him as a distraction, then jump the counter. j) tranquilizer gun. k) commune with the animal spirits before solving the problem. l) use tesla coil on the stainless steel counter top. m) trap door lever. n) Suggest that a healthy dose of gamma radiation may solve the problem. o) Tell him the before the problem can be solved, the 'pumps must be cleaned', then leave the office in drag complete with 10 inch stiletto heels. p) Tell him that the Bell's palsy will almost assuredly wear off, that is as soon as he apologizes for "it" q) Did you get that thing I sent you? You remember--last friday--I sent it last week? r) Tell him his wife is hot with a wink, then offer to repair his AC. s) ask him to ask you why you're not wearing any pants. t) release the balloons for the 100,000th customer surprise, then tell him the prize is a hotwheels 'split decision' custom cruzer.

A through T in sequential order?

**TheMightyMcClaw** · Posted On: 9/19/2012 5:52pm

Originally Posted by W. Rabbit

You guys realize Phoenix (AKA Ben Fodor) gave up crimefighting and is an undefeated MMA pro, right?

I want his fade soooo badly, but I could never pull that **** off.

Jones is still fighting crime as much as ever. I ran into him last month (I run in very interesting circles).

**jubei33** · Posted On: 9/19/2012 6:09pm

Originally Posted by Permalost

A through T in sequential order?

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**TheMightyMcClaw** · Posted On: 9/19/2012 6:28pm

Oh holy crap, I finally read the rest of this thread.
Anyways, wandering around the city with a shotgun and taking people's money doesn't make you a vigilante, it just makes you a mugger.
The best recreational crimefighting strategem I've encountered was from a Real Life Superhero Group in NYC. They would have one girl walking alone, pretending to be drunk. They'd have another 2 or 3 people in street clothes tailing at a distance on skateboards; far enough that they didn't seem to be part of her group, close enough that they could close the gap quickly. The whole party would then go through unsafe neighborhoods late at night.
They'd wait for someone to try and mug/sexually assault/whatever the faux-drunk girl, and then the whole gang would come in to beat the **** out the attackers.
You'll note that at no point do any of them dress like Batman.
Also bullshit on the you can't balance fighting crime and having a job. Pheonix Jones has a day job, a pro MMA career, AND plenty of time left for recreational crimefighting.

**Mr. Machette** · Posted On: 9/19/2012 7:43pm

Originally Posted by TheMightyMcClaw

Pheonix Jones has a day job, a pro MMA career, AND plenty of time left for recreational crimefighting.

He's also appartently super human.

Look how many times that drunk chick hit him with a shoe? Nada. He just flinched and went about his heroics.

He can also run in his skin tight outfit without sucumbing to heat exaustion. Inconcievable!

And did you see that high top?

Mr. Fodor is no ordinary man.