How to be a vigilante

[Styygens]

A Guide to Vigilantism (WIP)

Idealogy - A vigilante's mindset is one of purpose, determination and honor. Their purpose is to protect good people who are unable or unwilling to protect themselves.

A mind for revenge is the mind of a murderer. It will get clouded by bloodlust and will make irrational choices that will only endanger themselves and others.

A true vigilante does what the do because they feel the systems in place are inadequate. This could be due to corruption, laziness, or any number of other factors.

What the vigilante must realize is that the ultimate goal is to make things better.

How to do this?

As funny as it sounds, the newest Batman films hit it on the head.

A person can be killed. Bought. Forgotten.

But if that person can become more than flesh - if they can spit in the face of a bribe, let live a murderer - if they can do this, merely their name will deter criminals.

Equipment - this is a moot point. Anything can be used as a weapon with the right mind. Ultimately the goal for equipment is to have what is needed to accomplish the objective.

Need to take down a drug dealer on a corner? Mace and a stun gun will do it. Need to take down a crooked politician? A camera and leverage will get it done.

Disguise - this is almost a moot point, as a 5'5"-6'0" medium build white male can blend into just about any environment. And ultimately that's what a vigilante wants. Leave a calling card or a symbol at the scene to spread the legend, but in all actuality be one of everyone else. The more average the better.

Transportation - again a moot point. See above.

Dear Forge;

I see you have "None" in your style field. I can fix that. Based entirely upon your obvious mastery expressed in this post I will be happy to promote you to Bujinkan shodan for the low, low price of $299.99 + licensing fees in Japan ($100, last time I checked on shodan).

I think you'll find this is better than other train-by-mail offers because it's instantaneous. No pesky training.

And then you'll be able to impress all your vigilante friends at the guild meetings by telling them that you're an honest-to-goodness ninja! Just like Batman. And the Punisher. And Wolverine. And that kid, Max, with the van who chauffers Lee Van Cleef. Everyone knows all the best vigilantes are ninjas. Even James Bond is a ninja -- although as a sanctioned agent of Her Majesty's Government, he's not a true vigilante.

Let me know...

[Styygens]

You guys are just asking for a villain to show up and battle the forces of "good".

I've already got my costume picked out.



Are you ready?

(Honestly, I was thinking a comic book lime green suit would be humorous as well, but its harder to breakdance in those baggy ass CBRN suits..)

I am. Especially if you ain't got nothin' in those pouches...

BTW, those outfits look more like generic henchmen, not sophisticated supervillain. I'm really keen on the lime green suit -- like an agent of AIM, although you need some kind of undermask to conceal your identity.

[W. Rabbit]

There is so much WIN in that video.

Drunk bitches beating a Juggalo with their heels. Drunk bitches beating on Phoenix. Vehicular assault. More drunk bitches beating Phoenix with shoes. Pepper spary vs. Douche Zombies.

Seattle RULES!!!!

You guys realize Phoenix (AKA Ben Fodor) gave up crimefighting and is an undefeated MMA pro, right?

I want his fade soooo badly, but I could never pull that **** off.

[Mr. Machette]

You guys realize Phoenix (AKA Ben Fodor) gave up crimefighting and is an undefeated MMA pro, right?

I want his fade soooo badly, but I could never pull that **** off.

Just found out reading his wiki page.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoenix_Jones

11-0-0 in amature fights.

4-0-0 pro record.

His Sherdog Profile does not reflect that, listing two losses:
http://www.sherdog.com/fighter/Ben-Fodor-45446

But still pretty badass!

Look at this guy. Is that a man or what?



Good lord! If I had abs like that I'd never need quarters for the laundry machine again. I could scrub my clothes in the bath. Or my minions of loyal comon law wives (I'd call them the Six Pack Sisterhood) could do the wash for me.

**** it. This guy should be president.

[gregaquaman]

You guys realize Phoenix (AKA Ben Fodor) gave up crimefighting and is an undefeated MMA pro, right?

I want his fade soooo badly, but I could never pull that **** off.

Wow you are right. That hairstyle. He really does have superpowers.

[jubei33]

BTW, those outfits look more like generic henchmen, not sophisticated supervillain.

Everyone knows instinctively when the boss walks in the room. Head back down to the desk, clickety-clack-clickety-clack, screen savers start up again, but network nanny knows what porn you've been hiding.

I am. Especially if you ain't got nothin' in those pouches...

I'm glad you think both of those things. That just makes my work all the more fun. The look of shock on people's faces amuses me.

To date, we have produced by transgenetic experiment (with classic E. coli as the recipient) a sex pheromone with 300 times the attractive power of blattellaquinone on the american cockroach. The effective attractive radius is well over 2 Km for a reasonably small concentration. I don't think there are too many people ready for the 'cockroach carpet'.

More so, we've taken a potent mix of muscalure and several other similar chemicals and reprocessed them using state of the art liposomal packaging methods. We've been able to produce environmentally persistent, highly attractive local concentrations of these chemicals, on the local pests. You ever see the bee beard? Well, this is the 'fly flak jacket'.

δ-n-hexadecalactone, the primary attractant of vespa hornets, has also been of similar usefulness, as even the bravest of men seem to swim in the dirtiest of river waters to avoid a pack of these angry beasts.

We could keep going up the food chain, but that would spoil the surprise I think. Some things are better left for birthday cakes and cards.

Wow you are right. That hairstyle. He really does have superpowers.

Let's hope they are significant and can battle packs of cats in heat. "WTF are these cats following me!?" "Rrrrauuuwwwrrrrr...."

[jnp]

Everyone knows instinctively when the boss walks in the room. Head back down to the desk, clickety-clack-clickety-clack, screen savers start up again, but network nanny knows what porn you've been hiding.



I'm glad you think both of those things. That just makes my work all the more fun. The look of shock on people's faces amuses me.

To date, we have produced by transgenetic experiment (with classic E. coli as the recipient) a sex pheromone with 300 times the attractive power of blattellaquinone on the american cockroach. The effective attractive radius is well over 2 Km for a reasonably small concentration. I don't think there are too many people ready for the 'cockroach carpet'.

More so, we've taken a potent mix of muscalure and several other similar chemicals and reprocessed them using state of the art liposomal packaging methods. We've been able to produce environmentally persistent, highly attractive local concentrations of these chemicals, on the local pests. You ever see the bee beard? Well, this is the 'fly flak jacket'.

δ-n-hexadecalactone, the primary attractant of vespa hornets, has also been of similar usefulness, as even the bravest of men seem to swim in the dirtiest of river waters to avoid a pack of these angry beasts.

We could keep going up the food chain, but that would spoil the surprise I think. Some things are better left for birthday cakes and cards.

You still got it.

p.s. Please don't give it to me.

[jubei33]

You still got it.

p.s. Please don't give it to me.

Well, you could join. We're accepting applications for lab assistants, customer service reps and Executive assistant 2. If you're soon to graduate college, I am proud to announce our Evil internship program. This exclusive program is only offered once per year. It pays 8$/hr, but the experience you'll get in real world training is exceptional. All other positions carry a competitive salary, benefits such as company eye, dental and health insurance, as well as day care for the kids.

what do you say? are you ready to join our network of aspiring professionals?

[Permalost]

Do you have any openings in evil anthropology? Looting face-melting arcs and such?

[Styygens]

I'm glad you think both of those things. That just makes my work all the more fun. The look of shock on people's faces amuses me. ...."

Uh-oh... He's talking a lot. I saw this in Goldfinger. He really has this Supervillain thing down. I better start thinking...

To date, we have produced by transgenetic experiment (with classic E. coli as the recipient) a sex pheromone with 300 times the attractive power of blattellaquinone on the american cockroach. The effective attractive radius is well over 2 Km for a reasonably small concentration. I don't think there are too many people ready for the 'cockroach carpet'.

More so, we've taken a potent mix of muscalure and several other similar chemicals and reprocessed them using state of the art liposomal packaging methods. We've been able to produce environmentally persistent, highly attractive local concentrations of these chemicals, on the local pests. You ever see the bee beard? Well, this is the 'fly flak jacket'.

Yuck. That sounds disgusting. This guy really is an evil genius. Okay... WWBD? Well, Batman would have some Universal Bat-Bug Repellant. But that doesn't exist. WWPD? The Punisher shoots things... Shoots things...

δ-n-hexadecalactone, the primary attractant of vespa hornets, has also been of similar usefulness, as even the bravest of men seem to swim in the dirtiest of river waters to avoid a pack of these angry beasts.

We could keep going up the food chain, but that would spoil the surprise I think. Some things are better left for birthday cakes and cards.



Let's hope they are significant and can battle packs of cats in heat. "WTF are these cats following me!?" "Rrrrauuuwwwrrrrr...."

Got it. I need to keep my distance between me and this creep. Why even let him know I'm there? I don't have to fight fair -- I'm a vigilante!