Steven Seagal's Weightlifting Routine

[DanSevering]

Any questions? :D

[noodles]

Do donuts count as weights?

[SLJ]

How many chin-ups can Steven do ?

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The story of a woman on the morning of a war,
Remind me if you will exactly what we're fighting for.

[Squall]

this fat ass doesn't lift weights; he tries to lift jenny mcarthy's dress.

Absorb what is useful reject what is useless.

[Gezere]

Lay off Seagal he is a reincarnated warrior, TULKU. He will lay the smack down on your collective candy asses. All the while talking as if he has down syndrome.

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Xiao Ao Jiang Hu Zhi Dong Fang Bu Bai (Laughing Proud Warrior Invinsible Asia) Emporer of Baji!!! THE FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE AGAINST THE UNITED AUSSIE FRONT!!


"I love you Asia" - I Give BJJs Posted - December 25 2002 : 10:40:09

[Gezere]

Lay off Seagal he is a reincarnated warrior, TULKU. He will lay the smack down on your collective candy asses. All the while talking as if he has down syndrome.

______
Xiao Ao Jiang Hu Zhi Dong Fang Bu Bai (Laughing Proud Warrior Invinsible Asia) Emporer of Baji!!! THE FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE AGAINST THE UNITED AUSSIE FRONT!!


"I love you Asia" - I Give BJJs Posted - December 25 2002 : 10:40:09

[SLJ]

I got it the first time :)

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The story of a woman on the morning of a war,
Remind me if you will exactly what we're fighting for.

[Ken Oh]

Does each chin-up count double if you have a double chin?

[SLJ]

Depends which chin you pull up to, if it's the top one yer I suppose we could give extra points.

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The story of a woman on the morning of a war,
Remind me if you will exactly what we're fighting for.

[sakurabafan]

8.5 for the spinoff. More points would have been awarded if you had gone into details for example...

Training with Stevie Segal, Martial Arts fraud, liar, and loon.....
Mon,Wed,Fri -Weight Training, always go until exhaustion which isn't very much cause I'm a fat, lazy bastard
3 sets : Declined Presses of 10 doughnuts reps while siting on couch (remember to firmly press the fried dough into your mouth, proper form is the key)
2 sets : 1 rep Chin Ups to McDonalds counter for Happy Meals, though sometimes it will take more than one try (additional cardio for playing with toy inside)
2 sets : Squats 2 reps over the toilet (this part usually comes right after the Presses and Chin Ups)
1 set: Deadlifts 1 rep, this exercise I perform by lifting scripts to my enourmous head to see if there is a part that can revive my dead career. Note to self try to find more black rappers to partner with in Movies for street cred.
3 sets : 12 oz. curls of Soda 4 reps, drink Soda
4 sets: Clean and Jerk 1 rep, I've been doing this execrise ever since I was twelve, It's how I built up my tremedous forearm, and grip stregnth.
Rest afterward, remember rest is important as a famous Buddhist monk I have never ever met once told me "hey fat boy, move your big ass out of the way of the TV", reflect on this

Tues, Thur, Sat -Cardio, the most important aspect of my training, as you can tell from my tremendous physique and my huff, huff, wait a minute, I'm out of breathe, hold on, I've got to lay down, keep reading you unenlighten fool

Warm Up :Jog slowly 1 to 2 seconds (this is really the key to building good cardio, a proper warm up)
Distance training: Run as far as you can, for as long as you can (for me this takes the greater part of a half minute, usually I get to the end of the driveway
Sprint Training: Interval training 2 to 3 paces, rest and repeat for up to ten times (remember here you are sprinting so go as fast as you can, I measure my speed against my pet turtle George, somedays I even out-sprint him)
Remember when running for Cardio I always stress proper form...Remember to flop your arms around like a girl, and run with weak mincy stride, and always run with you hips forward. The proper form should remind onlookers of a spastic having a fit.

Sunday- Flexibility and Mental Conditioning, this part of my training is especially important to me as both a fraud and a liar.
Streching: I do an total body strech that loosens my muscles, and increases my flexibility.
Eye Squints: 1 hour, use a mirror, when you can no longer see yourself, you've got it right.
Posturing: 2 hours, proper posture is important for your health, remember arms held 3 times wider than your body with your chest puffed all the way out
Touch toes: Can see my toes, don't do 'em
Wrist rolls: You'll need loose wrists for the clean and jerk exercises in the weight training part
Meditation: What can I say, meditation is crucial, it helps to focus, and calm your troubled soul. Many people like to find a quiet spot to close their eyes and meditate, not me, I'm a master and have learned to meditate in front of the TV while watching gay porn. Watching this has the additional benefit of helping me work on my acting skills, man those guys can act. I do this for about six or seven hours, and it always reminds me of something a wise Himalayian Yogi I imagined would say to me "Focus on your breathing, empty your mind and Stevie move your big fat ass out of my way, I'm trying to watch the porno." Those Yogis are a wise bunch.

Well, thats just a little bit of my training regime, next time we will cover, diet and nutrition, martial arts techniques, and how to lie effectively. I know that if you follow my exhaustive training regime than you too can be a fat, useless, unemployed, liar who abuses those who are weaker and disadvantaged that nobody likes or respects. Good luck to you in your training and keep these words of wisdom that Vishnu himself told me when he appeared before me dressed like my father said in your mind and in your heart "Stevie move your big fat ass out of the way, I'm trying to watch a movie."