That, or you have no testicles. Just sayin'.
Originally Posted by Omega the Merciless
Chaos? Panic?... Disorder??
.........................My work here is done.
izze still driving that soccer mom van???
Originally Posted by syberia
Originally Posted by humanzee
Originally Posted by Omega the Merciless
Now, I could be mistaken but I don't believe you posted the funny one. At least not in this thread. I might be wrong but then of course I get ripped into little pieces by everyone here for disturbing this threads resting place.
But uh... if I am wrong... any more stories? I mean like, I'm not addicted... I just want more... one more story man, just one more... please?
I thought I put it up in another thread.
I want the story here, and I am not leaving till I get it!!
*tosses Goju a can of ravioli and a sleeping bag*
Originally Posted by Goju - Joe
You might need these...
nom nom nom
mmmm Chef boyardee!!!
*steals the sleeping bag and prepares for a very long camp out*
So this happened some time last year summer. Well after this thread went dead. I decided not to put the story up for legal reasons but now the time has past:
I was working late night security at a hotel. Usually a peaceful job, not much work involved, lots of internet time. I had barely been there an hour when we shocked to reality by a man yelling at this woman and abruptly slamming the door and storming off into the parking lot.
I made a mental note of this. A few hours later the man came storming back yelling as he walked into the parking lot. I sighed a bit as domestic disturbance is probably the worst scenario you can encounter. As I made the decision to walk over to calm the situation down the man came half way out of his room yelling at, who I found out to be later, his wife. I cautiously approached the guy and told the gentleman that he needed to keep it down because he's disturbing the rest of the hotel.
He quite frankly told me to "**** off" slam the door and walked away angrily. I then calmly knocked on the hotel door and informed the woman inside that I was going to have to have her vacate the room; explaining that we can't keep having this happen for the rest of the evening. At this point the next door room opened up and an older gentleman came out and asked me what was going on.
He had a look of genuine concern on his face and didn't want to get him involved. He then informed me that the other gentleman was his son and that they were in town for a wedding. The woman had a baby girl inside the room and the story started to pluck at my heart strings (They're small but still there) and I told them that they could stay in the room but the son could not return. They were fine with that compromise.
Several hours rolled around and a little after midnight the gentleman showed up again. He started pounding on the door (I might have failed to mention that this room was right next to the main lobby, and now you know). As I walked up I could hear the wife pleading for him to go away as they did not want to get kicked out of the hotel. I then told the guy the situation. After a nice yelling group of colorful metaphors were thrown my way he went back to banging on the door. I then signaled my co worker to call the police.
I then told the guy to step away from the door, the police had been called and he really needed to just stop while he was ahead. With a look that basically said "Oh yeah?" he went back to banging on the door. I took a step forward stating that's a bit childish of him and on cue he threw a wild hook to my head.
I had already predicted this and was already into duck mode. I spun him around and threw him in a rear head lock (think RNC guys). He then proceeded to try to hammer fist me in the groin. I decided I had about enough and spun him over into a front face lock and locked in a standing guillotine; again he tried to kick and hit me in the nuts. My co worker ran out of the lobby holding the door open asking me if I was okay. I told him I was fine and started whispering to the guy "ssshhhhhh, it's okay go to sleep, it's okay," and his body went limp.
My co worker's mouth dropped "Oh my god, did you just knocked him out?"
I shook my head no and quietly counted 3 Mississippi in my head. I asked my co worker to step back as I gently laid the guy on the ground, placing my right knee on his left arm and left knee on his chest.
My co worker started panicking "Is he okay".
"Yeah, he's fine, he's just exhausted". I looked down at him to check how his body was reacting. "He'll be awake any second, did you call the police?"
Finally the guy started to come around. "Are you okay"
"Yeah" he said groggily.
"Do you know where you are?"
"Yeah" as he looked around at the lobby. "I'm in the hotel lobby"
"Do you know how you got here?"
"YEAH, I FUCKING KICKED YOUR FUCKING ASS AND TOOK YOU DOWN"
"Are you sure that's what happened?"
"YEAH, NOW FUCKING GET OFF ME"
At this time I pinned his right arm as he was starting to become a bit more coherent, "So, when the police get here are you going to tell them that?"
"YEAH NOW GET THE **** OFF ME!"
"Okay, now we can do this two different ways..."; it was my thought I could calm the guy down and he could go sit over on the coach.
At this point he tried to take a swing upward at me. I let the punch go upward and re pinned his hand. "Well that decides that".
His father had come out of his room at this time. At first I thought the worst and prepared myself. Instead his father started lecturing his son to calm down. After a brief Freudian exchange between the two of them his father asked if I would let him up. I explained that he had already taken several swings at me already, so no.
The guy then got even more macho on me "I can bench over 300 lbs you're lucky I haven't slammed you off of me already".
"Yeah man I'm not the one who's bleeding".
I looked up at my co worker "I'm bleeding?" and my co worker nodded.
I reached up with my right hand to see if I could find any blood and my coworker guided me to the spot and sure enough I was cut open. I took a deep breath. I looked down at him "Go ahead and throw me off of you tough guy"
The guy went to throw me off of him and I slapped a series of submissions on, armbar, forearm choke, american and farside armbar. I leaned over and whispered in his ear "Do you understand how fucked you are?".
At this point I tried to council the guy on the appropriateness of his behavior. Somewhere in the middle of my lecture the police walked in. "Frank is that you?"
"You know this guy?" I asked the police officer.
"Yeah, we pulled him over earlier told him to go home."
The police helped the guy up and placed him on one of the seats. They started to do their report and as the police officer interrogated Frank, he surreptitiously flipped me the bird several times....
Well I've run out time and it'd be fun to finish but you got the general gist. The dad gave me $50 for not completely trashing his son and not pressing charges even though the kid was flipping me off.
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