Thread: Those wacky martial artists...
7/27/2002 10:27pm, #1
2000 Darwin Award Nominee
A 23-year-old bar-brawler who had been escorted out of the Turtle Club in Florida by a
bouncer, sneaked back in and leaped off a staircase, aiming a kick at another man, but
was killed when he landed on his head.
Last edited by Kungfoolss; 10/08/2004 2:47pm at .Kungfoolss, Scourge of the theory-based stylists, Most Feared man at Bullshido.com, and the Preeminent Force in the martial arts political arena
7/27/2002 10:32pm, #2
From the webpage of Ripley's Believe It or Not!
Karate Chimp - (Animal nugget) – Charlie the Chimpanzee practices karate. He used
to watch his owner, Carmen, practice karate, so Carmen decided to teach it to the chimp.
He now helps raise money for the nonprofit "Monkey Business Rehabilitation Center"
that his owner established.
Edited by - Kungfoolss on July 27 2002 23:09:37Kungfoolss, Scourge of the theory-based stylists, Most Feared man at Bullshido.com, and the Preeminent Force in the martial arts political arena
7/27/2002 10:48pm, #3
BBM article - (1993) Dickson, TN- The sun peeks above the horizon and starts to warm the
Florida morning as the twin-engine airplane makes its way across the sky toward the jump
site. Inside the aircraft, Dale Kirby feels his stomach tighten and his heart begin to pound
as he prepares to skydive while holding a samurai sword.
Kirby, 45, snaps back to reality and focuses his mind on the jump, breathing deeply as he
relaxes his body. I am a modern samurai, focused and relaxed he thinks to himself. He
envisions executing the jump perfectly, and thinks to himself I know I can do this.
By the time the plane reaches 13,000 feet, Kirby has put all of his fears and [common sense]
behind him. Kirby - who jumps without a helmet to allow his samurai headband to show and
his long hair to flow in the 120-plus-miles-per-hour wind - leaps from the plane and executes
as many sword maneuvers and forms as he can in the 70 seconds it takes to fall to Earth.
Fellow [moron] Sam Williams records the [stupidity] with a video camera and still camera
attached to his helmet. Williams controls the cameras by manipulating cables in each hand.
Williams and Kirby are careful not to bump into each other during the fall, and Kirby -
a classical Okinawan weapons "expert" and a black belt in wado-ryu karate, kenjutsu, and
aikijutsu - makes sure he does not stab himself or drop the sword when it comes time to
open the parachute. "We are talking a multimillion dollar lawsuit if that sword falls through
someone's roof," Kirby notes.
Last edited by Kungfoolss; 10/08/2004 2:48pm at .Kungfoolss, Scourge of the theory-based stylists, Most Feared man at Bullshido.com, and the Preeminent Force in the martial arts political arena
7/27/2002 11:07pm, #4
krav maga Stooges...
Krav Maga Forum
The official discussion forum for the Israeli Self Defense and Fighting System, Krav Maga
3:32 pm on 7.13.2002
There was a KM student at our school who went with the instructor to a movie theater demo
a few years back. While the instructor was talking to some people, this guy randomly starts
throwing kicks and punches... almost shadow boxing. Then, out of nowhere, he throws a
spinning kick or back kick, and knocks a women's popcorn clean out of her hands and all over
the floor. I don't think she signed up!
Phil the Heat
5:50 pm on 7.13.2002
This happened earlier this week. I was working out with some fellow Black Belts. One of
them invited his yellowbelt student to the workout, because he is going to his 1st tournament
soon. I was sparring the yellowbelt and was going to hit him with an axe kick. The way I throw
it a lot of times is to let my support leg slide forward as I kick to cover distance. This helps if
your opponent runs. Well, my support leg came about an inch off of the floor and I really
thrusted my hips forward and extended. The next thing I knew, I was laying on my back. I just
looked up and asked what happened.
Master Phillip Poe
WIF Martial Arts Hall of Fame &lt;---(Chuckling)
Edited by - Kungfoolss on July 27 2002 23:08:00
7/29/2002 1:56am, #5
Subject: News article titled, "Secrets of the NINJA"
Source: Midweek June 19, 2002 edition (Midweek is a free newspaper delivered to all
island residents weekly)
"....Mark Saito...the grand master of a family tradition of ninjitsu, the fighting art of the ninja,
which stretches back 30-odd generations in the Saito clan, according to family legend. Saito
ninjitsu, says its grand master, stays faithful to the early forms, eschewing the showy kicks
of chinese styles and the straight-ahead fisticuffs of karate. It's a more fluid style geared
toward neutralizing an opponent in close quarters with a deft dodge and a fusillade of short,
sharp, frighteningly well-placed punches that "allow you to take a man apart at the seams."
...Saito demonstrates these moves in a hypothetical fight with his assistant, a human prop
whose job is to wade into his masters trap and absorb the inevitable blows. The 50-year-
old Saito clearly relishes each wallop, stopping at one point to declare, "I love this art" as
he clinically maps out a combination of punches starting at the neck, moving down the torso,
and culminating in "the killing blow" to the testicles of his adversary, which "scrambles his
"I can teach you to do some miraculous things, if you stay with me long enough," Saito,
with a gleam in his eye, tells his admiring pupils. Apparently one of those incredible skills
is Saito's ability to keep a straight face when recounting some of the legend surrounding
the family art. As good as delivering an entertaining sales pitch as he is delivering a punch,
Saito recounts how an angel bestowed the magical prowess of the ninja on his clan
generations ago in northern Japan, how they learned other fighting techniques form
benevolent mountain demons, and how past Saito family members have been able to rise
up and fly through the air.
As if suddenly realizing he was talking to a skeptical reporter, Saito admits that all that was
"probably 95 percent legend." But he insists he's seen traces of the old magic in his father.
A carpenter by day, Saito recalls once walking high up along ceiling joists at a work site
with his father when the elder Saito dropped all the way down to the floor and then rose
effortlessly back up through the air again to where he had been. "I've seen my father do
some incredible things. Incredible."
Kungfoolss, Scourge of the theory-based stylists and the Dominate Prevailing Force in the martial arts political arena
7/29/2002 2:35am, #6
BBM article- "...to so many people, the martial arts are at best a joke and at worst sadism
dressed up to look like a philosophy. It is because of these attitudes that I sometimes
wish no one knew I was a martial artist.
No one likes to be considered a joke. To many people, we martial artists are just that, [clowns].
In their eyes, we have an infantile fixation on comic-book ideals and kung fu movies. If a
well-meaning friend delcares at a party that I am a martial artist, the best response I can hope
for is silence. Otherwise, it means enduring jokes about pulling peoples hearts from their
chests and disappearing in a puff of smoke. It means witnessing the same tired old Bruce
Lee pantomimes accompanied by sorry imitations of his high-pitched battle yowl.
Then, if my luck completely runs out, I'll be asked to perform. "Aw, c'mon!" they indignantly
demand. "Do some of that karate stuff for us!" It's as though I were a trained seal. Even more
taxing, though, are those who find the martial arts laughable because they believe they are
obsolete. They believe it is their duty to remind us that guns exist, as though it had never
occured to us. "My answer to all that kung fu crap," they usually say, "is a Smith & Wesson."
The strain here comes from suppressing the urge to beat the gun-advocate into oblivion as a
counterargument." (1999 - Keith Vargo)
Kungfoolss, Scourge of the theory-based stylists and the Dominate Prevailing Force in the martial arts political arena
7/29/2002 4:12pm, #7
- Join Date
- Jul 2002
your post are great!!!! keep them coming hahaha I love this stuff :)
7/29/2002 6:04pm, #8
- Join Date
- Jun 2002
7/29/2002 11:09pm, #9
ttt lol good stuff"Training = pain." - I said that.
PizDoff when drunk: "I'm actually MOST pissed that my target for the evening got drink...then I gave her my Bullshido Canada hoodie like a gentleman because she was outside with not much on...did I mention she barfed twice when I got our jackets...steaming barf is kinda fascinating..." - PizDoff.
7/30/2002 1:10pm, #10
Monday, 12 November, 2001, 14:38 GMT
Farce amongst gravity
The Northern Alliance are more used to serious fighting than martial arts displays
By the BBC's Ian Pannell
The scene was the garden of the governor's house, which by the time we arrived was packed
with most of the commanders of the local opposition Northern Alliance and sage-like
turbaned tribal elders. The loudspeaker crackled away with Afghan music and the crowd
sat solemnly waiting for the proceedings to start.
Our translator explained that first of all there would be a display. After an interminable
welcoming speech, the local karate team, dressed in various shades of white, emerged from
behind a sequined curtain to demonstrate their particular interpretation of the ancient art.
First came the hand and foot thrusts coupled with the prerequisite cries. There was polite
applause. After more than an hour of this, another troupe of martial arts experts stormed in,
this time a Tae Kwon Do group dressed in black. An assortment of pots and planks were
wheeled onto the stage. These, clearly, were to be smashed as part of the display.
But first, there was a very un-martial squabble on stage as the whites had only reached their
400th maneuver and clearly felt there was much airtime left to fill. One could not help but
think that the whites were probably the only ones among the 300 or so of us who felt that
this was a premature end. Before the two groups came to blows, a compromise was agreed
and a group of greased-up but somewhat flabby body-builders were ushered centre stage
to engage in five minutes of sumo-like grimacing and grunting.
Having witnessed what could only be described as a somewhat mixed display of skill,
perhaps now we were to be entertained by the real experts. Perhaps, but then again perhaps
not. First came the compulsory display of kicks and punches, accompanied by a quaintly
different vocabulary of hyaahs and hees. Unfortunately one of those chosen to fill the key
front row position had neither mastered the art of telling his left from his right nor indeed of
any recognisable form of martial art.
After making contact with one of his colleagues rather than the air he was unceremoniously
hyaa-ed to the back row. If it was not a great day for the whites, it was about to go spinning
out of control for the blacks, in particular for their hapless black-belted master. Pot after pot
refused to smash, plank after plank refused to splinter, and body after body began to break.
One of the team came forward to leap over two of his kneeling colleagues, jump through a
crepe hoop with the words "death to terrorists" scrawled across it and smash an earthenware
pot being held on the other side by the master. His heroic leap fell rather short. He landed
foot first in that part of the body that gentleman prefer to leave to more tender attentions.
Having thrown the master back a good few paces, he let go of the earthenware pot which
finally smashed on his head and body, sending blood gushing from his scalp and wrist.
Still with no sign of a press conference, the Tae Kwon Do team pressed on into dangerously
unchartered ground with their audience warming to the entertainment. A pot full of burning
oil was brought centre stage. Another hapless member of the Keystone Tae Kwon Do team
came forward and smashed it. For once that was the easy bit. Snuffing the burning flames now
engulfing his lower arm was not. Exit brave fighter stage left.
It is always dangerous to think things cannot get much worse when they clearly can. Having
endured a bruised groin and severe lacerations, with blood dripping all over the stage, the
master was clearly failing to share the audience's mirth. With a very shaky hand, he was
given a long rusty sword and a man on the verge of a premature visit to the toilet was invited
to kneel on the stage. A kind of pumpkin was placed on his head and the master was
blindfolded. The pumpkin fell off. Sword at the ready. The pumpkin fell off again. The
trembling of the volunteer was clearly not helping. The audience tittered and gasped.
Arm raised, a pause and a strike. The tiniest shaving came off the top of the pumpkin and
the volunteer leaped to his feet clapping and crying Allah Akba, and dashed off stage.
God indeed is great and somewhat merciful.
And so to the grand finale. An urn was held over one person's head and after a good few
flailing and failing kicks it finally broke, sending a flapping mass of feathers crashing to the
ground. It was a pigeon, with the Northern Alliance flag attached to its leg. It was meant to
soar into the sky, full of symbolism. But the clearly dazed bird had no intention of leaving
terra firma. Someone tried to give the pigeon encouragement by throwing it way up into the
air. It came back to earth with a deathly thud and was hastily removed.
Clearly unconcerned about either the bird or this obvious symbolic failure, the previously
sombre crowd was now roaring with laughter. There was no press conference. After two
more hours of equally amusing disasters, it became clear that this was some kind of
sadomasochistic sports day, far more entertaining than yet another tedious press conference.
It was not so much Enter the Dragon as Exit the Pigeon.
Last edited by Kungfoolss; 10/08/2004 2:49pm at .