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  1. New is offline

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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 1:07pm


     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    PROOF: Systema no-touch Chi stuff really does work

    Physics stuff that's probably all wrong anyway

    Does anyone remember the Apollo missions? I certainly don't, seeing as I hadn't been born, and wasn't even close to being born. But the Apollo missions had a serious problem to overcome. You see, the Command Module (that cool funnel type thing that they came back to Earth in) only had enough fuel and supplies for about 2-3 hours independant flight.
    Now that may not seem like a problem until you start thinking about the makeup of the Earths atmosphere. You see, if you hit the Earths atmosphere at, or close to, escape velocity you will just bounce off. Kind of like when you throw something really really hard at a pool of water, and rather than sink it bounces like Pammies tits during the Baywatch title credits.
    Of course, Apollo had already done a burn to slow down by the time it hit the atmosphere, but it was going fast enough that if it hit at the wrong angle it would just skip across the surface of the atmosphere (like a stone skimming over a pond) and would end up taking around 2-3 days to reach the ground. And when you've only got 3 hours oxygen, 3 days is perhaps a shade too long.

    Here is a very quick attempt at a pictorial representation of what happens when you hit the Earths atmosphere travelling at escape velocity:



    As you can see, slap bang and that motherfuckers off to places new.

    But how does this all apply to Systema? And why the hell do you care??

    First things first, I guess I might aswell look at the application in regards to Systema.
    Now, I'm sure it hasn't escaped your attention that Mikhail Ryabko is a really fat fucker. Cue a whole load of generic fat jokes:

    "When he goes to the cinema he sits next to everybody!"
    "If he wants to fly, a C4 Hercules is the only plane with a door large enough, and even that's a tight squeeze."
    "He's so fat he has smaller fat people orbiting around him."

    Hold on, that last one very nearly hit the nail on the head. Because not only is he so fat that smaller fat people orbit him, but he is sooooooo fat that he has developed his very own atmosphere, and I mean atmosphere in the the very real, very ionosphere definition. And all of a sudden things become clear.

    Remember the earlier picture of what happens if a spaceship hits the Earth's atmosphere travelling too fast?? Well, here's another, only applied to Ryabko, the fat fucker.



    As you can no doubt see, the net result is the same.

    But how on Earth is it possible to go at Ryabko at escape velocity when that's Mach 25?

    Simple, by using extremely twisted logic. You see, the escape velocity for the Earth is Mach 25. But because Ryabko is a little bit smaller his escape velocity is going to be a lot slower. And because of the power of Systema he has developed ways of making his escape velocity a NEGATIVE velocity. Oh yes, even if you are moving away from Ryabko he has the POWER to turn your away movement against you and still cause you to bounce straight off of his atmosphere.

    Little Known Fact

    The Russian Space Agency is completely bust - no money whatsoever. So how do they launch all of those space tourists into orbit?? SYSTEMA. Yes, our mate Mikhail gets paid in Vodka and Scotch to stand close enough to the rocket that he can use his amazing skills of negative velocity to make the thing bounce off his atmosphere so hard that it flies into space. I know it's hard to believe, but it is true. A Systema student told me so.

    How can I develop my own atmosphere, so I too can learn "th3 r34l Syst3m4"?

    Well, you need to get, errrm, seasonably plump. Otherwise known as really fat fuckeritis. The best way to do that is to eat lots of this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBSp6QrXHew

    Final thought

    I wish you all a lot of luck in your pursuit of atmospheric perfection. Just remember, chicks dig guys with atmosphere.


    **edit: getting the pictures to actually display
    ***edit: how many spelling mistakes did I make? oh well, all fixed now
    Last edited by New; 1/31/2007 3:34pm at .
  2. Plasma is online now
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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 1:12pm

    supporting memberforum leaderstaff
     Style: 柔術

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Clever. So Peter Griffin from family is a Systema master?
  3. WT_Noob is offline

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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 1:16pm


     Style: EBMAS WT ,Latosa Escrima

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    pics don't come up, hosted by angelfire.com

    edit: did you try right clicking, going to properties and copy the address?
  4. New is offline

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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 1:31pm


     Style: Judo

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    fuckin things, i'll find somewhere else to host them
  5. saturnjunkie is offline
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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 1:40pm


     Style: FMA & judo-ultra noob

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Your logic is awesome.
  6. New is offline

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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 2:00pm


     Style: Judo

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    plasma, from what I have heard Peter Griffin is one of the grandmasters of Systema. But seeing as he is currently involved in a major lineage war with Ryabko there is some debate as to whether or not Griffin has "th3 r34l" Systema. According to Ryabko, Peter Griffin's atmosphere is merely a result of watching too much TV. And we all know that no-one can learn an MA purely by watching TV.
    Of course, Griffin says that it doesn't matter how one develops the correct atmospheric conditions, and it is purely the amount of gravitational x atmospheric forces that determine whether or not something is Systema. However, to try and avoid frivolous lawsuits, Peter Griffin has changed the name of his art to distinguish it from Mikhail Ryabko's Systema, Griffin calling his Systaymer instead.
  7. rw4th is offline
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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 2:59pm


     Style: BJJ,MT,RBSD (on hiatus)

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by pl4zM4
    Clever. So Peter Griffin from family is a Systema master?
    You misunderstand the concept I beleive: while Griffin is a large enough mass to generate the gravitational pull required for orbit, only dedicated Systema eating and flatulence practice can build up the required atmosphere :qgaraduat
  8. OnceLost is offline
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    Here's looking at you, squid.

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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 3:21pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Ke?po, MMA ultra-newb

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Holy ****, that was funny!! I had to admit that I was a little tentative about reading this thread, but it was SO worth it. It also goes a long way toward explaining why systema practioners all bow toward Ryabko several times a day - it's simple gravitational pull.
    "Reason is a choice. Wishes and whims are not facts, nor are they a means to discovering them. Reason is our only way to grasping reality -- it's our basic tool of survival. We are free to evade the effort of thinking, to reject reason, but we are not free to avoid the penalty of the abyss we refuse to see."
    - Terry Goodkind, "Faith of the Fallen"
  9. sochin101 is offline
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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 4:19pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: No gym currently.

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    My only comment is that the tag near his ass should read "Ryabko's Poisonous Atmosphere".
    Where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence.

    Gandhi

  10. Neildo is offline
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    Posted On:
    1/31/2007 4:37pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: FBSD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    So he's like Venus? Smaller than earth but hundreds of times more gassy?
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