secret kung fu styles revealed!!!

**Jenfucius** · Posted On: 7/08/2004 7:40pm

do you practice a secret kung fu style? if so, please share.

**CleanShave** · Posted On: 7/08/2004 7:44pm

I didnt realize there was such a thing...now you have my curiosity peaked.

**Jolly_Roger** · Posted On: 7/08/2004 7:49pm

I practice Wank-Off-Fu...
From the hand of the master to the hand of the disciple, the secret lotion line has never been broken.

**OneWingedAngel** · Posted On: 7/08/2004 8:53pm

I give this thread 12 posts before trollshido.

**Leodom** · Posted On: 7/08/2004 9:13pm

My style is so secret I don't even know what it's called.

My Sifu will show up at my house un-announced, blindfold me and take me to a secret location. I am then drugged so I won't remember anything. After that, I am (apparently) taught some secret technique which I will be able to use without realizing it.

When I awaken I am back home and sore. (as if I worked out, a**hole, get your mind out of the homoerotic gutter, it's not sore there). Then, inexplicably a large sum of money is removed from my bank account.

I have now received 3 belt (sash) promotions. The sashes arrive by UPS with no return address.

I am TH3 D34DLY (I think??!?!)

**CleanShave** · Posted On: 7/08/2004 9:33pm

Do you have Chi blistes around your anus that itch and burn? That's the calling card of a good sifu.

**Leodom** · Posted On: 7/08/2004 9:44pm

Well, they were diagnosed as hemmorhoids but now that you mention it....

**Depth** · Posted On: 7/08/2004 9:47pm

sure, why not. I used to teach at Temple Kung Fu (one of thousands I'm sure). So I'll share the "secret" technigue that we taught everyone before they can move up to a yellow belt. Read on...

After you take your test for a yellow belt (or was it before being grant the "privilege" to pay them money to be in the Kung Fu club? I don't remember)... anyway. The instructor teaches you to get into a left forward leaning stance with you hands at your sides. You then pull yourself upright so that your are standing on only your right leg while tucking your left leg up to, presumably, block a kick to the groin. Your hands come up into a boxing position. Then move back into a left forward leaning stance and swing your arms in a windmill type motion downward in front of you, stopping the fists in hammer-like blows just in front of you.

That's not the secret part.

After you take the main part of the test your instructor takes you aside and tells you that you can now learn a secret. He shows you the same motion you learned above but this time instead of stopping the fists in front you allow them to continue on through. There you go.

That's the secret.

You then demonstrate this to the judges, proving that you can learn quickly and you are secure in knowing that if you just give them a bit more money that will continue to give you even more secret sauce to put on your Kung Pow chicken burger.