A SHINING example of kung fu BULLSHIdo (warning: long)

**CrashStitches** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 12:52am

My pops used to tell me about this kung fu roommate he had back in the day, and how he was super-deadly, and ripped hearts out. Well, tonight we were chatting, and the subject came up.

This is how these myths are perpetuated, dammit.

ME: you should come join my judo class
MY DAD: NOT
ME: there's a few old farts in there, you wouldn't be alone ;-)
MY DAD: JUDO IS *****
ME: you gotta be kidding me
MY DAD: NO
MY DAD: NOT KUNG FOO THOUGH
MY DAD: IF I COCK MY 357 THERE WILL NOT BE ANY TALKING ****
MY DAD: I LIVED WITH A GUY THAT WAS A 5TH DEGREE BLACK BELT IN KUNG FU .IT IS A RELIGION
ME: could he fly?
MY DAD: IM NOT SURE BUT YOU COULD BARELY SEE HIM MOVE
ME: heh
MY DAD: VERY DEADLY
ME: I bet
MY DAD: JUDO IS MORE DEFENCIVE
ME: one of those guys who could rip your heart out and show it to you, right?
MY DAD: WRESTLING
MY DAD: YES
ME: did I mention that it's impossible?
MY DAD: THEY TRAIN WITH ANIMALS
MY DAD: YOU ARE WRONG
MY DAD: BET
ME: ok :)
ME: I'm wrong.
MY DAD: YES YOU SAID IMPOSSABLE
MY DAD: YOU JUST DONT KNOW
ME: a guy is not going to rip through your sternum and pull your heart through it
MY DAD: THAT IS WHY IT IS ILLEGAL IN THE U.S.
ME: that's a huge, thick plate of bone
ME: what's illegal?
ME: ripping people's hearts out?
MY DAD: YOU JUST DONT
MY DAD: KUNG-FU
ME: kung fu is not illegal
MY DAD: ITS AGAINST THE LAW IN THE U.S. TO TEACH
ME: yes, I do know, pops
MY DAD: NO YOU DONT
ME: kung fu can be learned in no less than 3 or 4 places on this side of town
MY DAD: NOT TRUE KUNG FU
MY DAD: I WILL BET
MY DAD: A FORM THERE OF
ME: sounds like your roommate fed you a lot of ****...
MY DAD: RIGHT
ME: seriously, dad
MY DAD: YOU GO AND ASK THEM THEY WILL TELL YOU
MY DAD: NOT TRUE KUNG FU
ME: of course they will, they have long-term contracts to sell
MY DAD: NO RELIGION
ME: they have the mystical art to uphold
ME: kung fu is not a religion
ME: the monks that “invented” kung fu were buddhist
MY DAD: IT IS AGAINST THE LAW . IT IS TO DEADLY
ME: untrue
MY DAD: LIKE A RELIGION
ME: hitting people with bats is illegal, it's also deadly
ME: they teach swordplay in lots of japanese schools...that's quite legal and deadly
MY DAD: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND
ME: I understand perfectly
MY DAD: YOU THINK
ME: you were duped by your roommate
MY DAD: YOU ARE DUPED
ME: no way, I know what's real and what's not
MY DAD: YOU JUST THINK
ME: there are no forbidden and illegal martial arts in the US
MY DAD: I HAVE SEEN
MY DAD: YES THERE IS
ME: Many different schools teach many different styles, many weapons, etc. These are all legal and deadly. Why would these “special” kung fu styles be illegal?
MY DAD: TRUE KUNG FU
MY DAD: DEADLY
ME: ok
ME: we're not getting anywhere
MY DAD: ALL OF THE MOVES
ME: we'll just have to agree to disagree
MY DAD: YOU DONT HAVE TO BELIVE ME
ME: good :)
MY DAD: ITS AMAZING

**Left-Hook** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 12:59am

were you and your dad drunk?

**stoogejitsu** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 1:04am

My dad always has stories like this, it reminds me of the movie "Big Fish," I think the older you get the more you exaggerate.

**CrashStitches** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 1:11am

Originally posted by Left-Hook
were you and your dad drunk?

What would make you say that? :cool:

Besides, when I was a kid, it sounded really impressive...

**Antagony** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 1:12am

I totally want to get drunk with CrashStitches' dad!

**CrashStitches** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 1:25am

Originally posted by Antagony
I totally want to get drunk with CrashStitches' dad!

Bring some Crown. You'll make a friend for life. Until he starts walking around with his robe on and a Glock tucked into the belt. Then it's time to vacate the premises.

**Transcendent Sunchips** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 8:03am

Your dad's an asshole for typing in caps.

**Chupacabra** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 8:05am

Originally posted by KayDeePee
Your dad's an asshole for typing in caps.

lol

**Chupacabra** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 8:10am

that whole heart ripping out thing isn't totally bullshit......well at least not exactly.........

I think it could be possible if you had some freddy cruger gloves on and you stabbed into someones gut then when you got into it you slid your hand up BEHIND the rib cage i think it could possibly work..... i think it has to be trained on animals though..... maybe humpback whales or panda bears.

**Blad3** · Posted On: 6/18/2004 8:11am

LOL at that script, excellent.

A lot of the time he would just completely ignore what you were saying and continue with a pseudo argument of his own (no offence.) Parents, eh? :S

You could make that into a movie scene lol.