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  1. #1

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Should I change BJJ gyms?

    So, I was thinking today while trying not to tap out to a triangle choke from a blue belt that there's a very important element that's missing in the training that goes on at BJJ gyms. Sure, I have my black gi with the "Ninja" kanji patch on it (but I don't tell anyone what it says because being a ninja is supposed to be a secret). Sure, during warm-ups we do rolls to be able to go over stationary bokken at knee height and hip escapes so we can stealthily make our way underneath cars to evade samurai guards. I even go the extra mile and drop into a deep Ichimonij No Kamae when we start rolling from standing just so they know that I can run away at any time! Nobody else in class does this so I'm sure I'm way ahead of the game and Professor just keeps forgetting to give me my brown belt (I've already been training for almost a year).

    The thing is, though, that the training at my gym seems to be lacking in Shuriken training. If I had a Shuriken with me while I was in that triangle, I could've stabbed the blue belt in the eye with it and won the fight!! I'm starting to wonder if this is something that Professor isn't actually well-versed in. He's a black belt in Judo and in BJJ. He's even competed in EBI and MMA! I'm pretty sure they don't allow shuriken in EBI or MMA, though, since they're sports and not real fighting. Should I instead look for a BJJ gym that focuses more on shuriken or should I smuggle some in and challenge Professor to a no-rules match. I bet if I stabbed him with the tip (JUST THE TIP) of a shuriken he'd see the error of his ways and start letting me teach the Fundamentals class instead of letting that purple belt talk about "proper guard passing" like some kind of arrogant samurai.






    (No joke, though. We did some Judo today in the morning class and it was totally rad.)

  2. #2
    Raycetpfl's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by kendamu View Post
    . He's a black belt in Judo and in BJJ. He's even competed in EBI and MMA! I'm pretty sure they don't allow shuriken in EBI or MMA, though, since they're sports and not real fighting. Should I instead look for a BJJ gym that focuses more on shuriken or should I smuggle some in and challenge Professor to a no-rules match. I bet if I stabbed him with the tip (JUST THE TIP) of a shuriken he'd see the error of his ways and start letting me teach the Fundamentals class instead of letting that purple belt talk about "proper guard passing" like some kind of arrogant samurai.
    If you're gonna try to "Ninja" your bjj teacher I recommend you read all the ninja scrolls regarding removing a ninja star that's been turned sideways from your anus.

  3. #3

    Join Date
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Raycetpfl View Post
    If you're gonna try to "Ninja" your bjj teacher I recommend you read all the ninja scrolls regarding removing a ninja star that's been turned sideways from your anus.
    The fact that he even knows Sideways Shuriken Anus No Jutsu and he doesn't share it with the rest of the class is just absolutely insane!! I deserve every advantage I can get when I sneak around on the nearby golf course at night honing my ability to one day break into a heavily-guarded compound to assassinate the Black Star Master and avenge my Richard Van Donk VHS collection!!

  4. #4
    Michael Tzadok's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by kendamu View Post
    Should I instead look for a BJJ gym that focuses more on shuriken or should I smuggle some in and challenge Professor to a no-rules match. I bet if I stabbed him with the tip (JUST THE TIP) of a shuriken he'd see the error of his ways and start letting me teach the Fundamentals class instead of letting that purple belt talk about "proper guard passing" like some kind of arrogant samurai.

    (No joke, though. We did some Judo today in the morning class and it was totally rad.)
    You should totally set up a no rules challenge match, but before you do here is a to do list to make sure you have all your bases covered:

    1) Set up a twitch channel with auto-archive turned on so that you can live stream it and it will be around long after for others' viewing pleasure.
    2) Don't forget to turn on the auto-archive feature on your twitch channel. You may not realize it now, but this will be very important later.
    3) Be sure to inform your professor that this will be a no rules match and specify that suplexes of all kinds will be totally legal.
    4) Set up a Go Fund Me for treatment of a nutty ninja with TBI and resultant brain damage.
    5) Have a friend manning the camera that will be willing to zoom in and film the cranial fluid leaking from ears and nose after a proper demonstration of why suplexes are illegal in MMA and most grappling sports these days.

    I wish you well in your endeavor and will enjoy watching your head get spiked into the tatami.

  5. #5
    ermghoti's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    If you are even asking if there's a situation where you shouldn't be using hidden shuriken, you aren't a fucking ninja.

    Guy pulls a gun? SHURIKEN!

    Bar fight? SHURIKEN!

    Grappling competition? SHURIKEN!

    Rolling? SHURIKEN!

    Cell phone contract expired? SHURIKEN!
    "Systema, which means, 'the system'..."

    Quote Originally Posted by strikistanian View Post
    DROP SEIONAGI ************! Except I don't know Judo, so it doesn't work, and he takes my back.
    Quote Originally Posted by Devil
    Why is it so goddamn hard to find a video of it? I've seen videos I'm pretty sure are alien spacecraft. But still no good Krav.
    Quote Originally Posted by Plasma
    At the point, I must act! You see my rashguard saids "Jiu Jitsu vs The World" and "The World" was standing in front me teaching Anti-Grappling in a school I help run.
    [quote=SoulMechanic]Thank you, not dying really rewarding in more ways than I can express.[/[quote]

  6. #6

    Join Date
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Is anyone else getting concerned with kendamu's growing obsession with all things ninja?

  7. #7

    Join Date
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by ermghoti View Post
    If you are even asking if there's a situation where you shouldn't be using hidden shuriken, you aren't a fucking ninja.

    Guy pulls a gun? SHURIKEN!

    Bar fight? SHURIKEN!

    Grappling competition? SHURIKEN!

    Rolling? SHURIKEN!

    Cell phone contract expired? SHURIKEN!
    Lunch meeting? SHURIKEN!


  8. #8
    BackFistMonkey's Avatar
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    Jun 2005
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    all things in Moderation
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by GrouchyOldMan View Post
    Is anyone else getting concerned with kendamu's growing obsession with all things ninja?
    He has a long and hilarious post history.
    This isn't new.
    Quote Originally Posted by ghost55 View Post
    Violence is pretty uncommon in clubs in this area, and the dude didn't seem particularly hostile up until the moment he slapped me.
    I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
    BILL HICKS,
    1961-1994

    Quote Originally Posted by WFMurphyPhD View Post
    Slamming the man in the bottom position from time to time keeps everybody on their toes and discourages butt scooting stupidity.

  9. #9

    Join Date
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by BackFistMonkey View Post
    He has a long and hilarious post history.
    This isn't new.
    I must have started participating while he was on hiatus or something...Thank you for being patient with the ignorance of my noobness.

  10. #10
    submessenger's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I give this thread 4 of 10 possible shuriken. Execution was good, but the premise is tired.

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