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  1. -TANK- is offline

    Lightweight

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    Jan 2013
    Location
    Albuquerque, New Mexico
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    Posted On:
    4/04/2014 10:18pm

    supporting member
     Style: Judo, Wrestling, TKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I totally agree with coaching or training your kids at home, taking care to add not remove the dojo guidance.

    For judo I would work with my son taking the chain wrestling concept ie randori just allowing him to fall into holds and giving more and more resistance until he was past my ability, (which wasnt far haha) but I never talked about his instructors ever, just supported.

    Since I worked the chains with him, he was so fast in his transitions it was amazing, now at 25 he is at UCLA taking a JuJitsu class and this semester he is having his ass kicked. I guess having a good partner is a huge benefit, so I would highly recommend this approach-

    Swimming for us was a life skill, but totally can relate to the nutjob moms, because coming from football and wrestling, with Judo throw in, it was always father and son, but swimming more moms are around.
  2. daishi is online now

    Registered Member

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    Mar 2010
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    770

    Posted On:
    4/05/2014 12:07am


     Style: Aikido/JJJ/Judo/GoJu Ryu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    my friend used to wake his son up with a pressure point when he slept in late
  3. Sovvolf is offline

    Registered Member

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    Jan 2011
    Location
    Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England.
    Posts
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    Posted On:
    4/05/2014 4:12am


     Style: Kickboxing, LGKF, Karate

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Tried to do the whole martial arts parent thing, well uncle thing. Long story short, nieces fathers a dead beat, she live with her nanan and I'm basically the father figure in her live (God help her) Tried getting her into Karate cause she was interested in it and wanted to go. Took her to a few classes and all she did was mess about, wouldn't do anything she was told and just acted completely disinterested to the point she was disrupting everyone else.

    Took my fiancee too cause she wanted to give it a go but all she did was complain about everything she had to do, refused every time we had to do throws which made me look a twat. Flinched every time we had to do a move against one another cause she thought I was going to hit her full on and when light sparring would just go limp and complain every time she got hit (touched).

    Gave all that up as a bad job. Can take a horse to water and all that. Now my niece as been coming up and saying she getting bullied all the time at school, been assured by my mum that they've taken measures up with the parents and the teachers, though nothing much is getting done about it. My niece now wants to learn Karate to defend herself and stuff, honestly I'm at odds. Last time she didn't pay attention and wasn't bothered, will I be wasting my time once again.

    Been teaching her some basic kickboxing moves at home, no instructor, Orange belt in PKA but had a strike shield up and had the time to break down the moves for her step by step which I guess some teachers don't get the chance to do in a class full of kids. Got a good kick on her for her age. Though honestly, think in the long run she'd be better off with a proper instructor and learning with others rather than getting a bit of this and that from me. I just don't know what to do about it, don't want to take her and her get bored of it again and give it up after 2 weeks, also don't want her going to Karate so she can just use it to fight bullies and beat people up.

    Anyway, I posted this here cause well it's about being a Martial arts parent, we've got plenty of people here who seem to be doing a great job with their kids, wonder if you could give me some advice.
    Last edited by Sovvolf; 4/05/2014 4:17am at .
  4. TwentyThree is online now

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    Nov 2008
    Location
    North Richland Hills, TX
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    73

    Posted On:
    4/05/2014 7:55am


     Style: Modern Arnis

    3
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Sovvolf View Post
    Tried to do the whole martial arts parent thing, well uncle thing. Long story short, nieces fathers a dead beat, she live with her nanan and I'm basically the father figure in her live (God help her) Tried getting her into Karate cause she was interested in it and wanted to go. Took her to a few classes and all she did was mess about, wouldn't do anything she was told and just acted completely disinterested to the point she was disrupting everyone else.

    Took my fiancee too cause she wanted to give it a go but all she did was complain about everything she had to do, refused every time we had to do throws which made me look a twat. Flinched every time we had to do a move against one another cause she thought I was going to hit her full on and when light sparring would just go limp and complain every time she got hit (touched).

    Gave all that up as a bad job. Can take a horse to water and all that. Now my niece as been coming up and saying she getting bullied all the time at school, been assured by my mum that they've taken measures up with the parents and the teachers, though nothing much is getting done about it. My niece now wants to learn Karate to defend herself and stuff, honestly I'm at odds. Last time she didn't pay attention and wasn't bothered, will I be wasting my time once again.

    Been teaching her some basic kickboxing moves at home, no instructor, Orange belt in PKA but had a strike shield up and had the time to break down the moves for her step by step which I guess some teachers don't get the chance to do in a class full of kids. Got a good kick on her for her age. Though honestly, think in the long run she'd be better off with a proper instructor and learning with others rather than getting a bit of this and that from me. I just don't know what to do about it, don't want to take her and her get bored of it again and give it up after 2 weeks, also don't want her going to Karate so she can just use it to fight bullies and beat people up.

    Anyway, I posted this here cause well it's about being a Martial arts parent, we've got plenty of people here who seem to be doing a great job with their kids, wonder if you could give me some advice.
    It could have been the art or the teacher or the school itself, not the entire concept of "the martial arts". Try a different school or art and see how it goes. Most schools allow a few free trial sessions, at least they do in my area. Perhaps the teacher at the place you tried simply didn't connect with her (and that is important).

    Heck, try a rec center program to start - they're usually cheaper and it's not a bad way to get introduced to a variety of arts. My local rec has kempo, judo, and Olympic style TKD.

    For a kid, you can't ignore the "fun" factor in the school and in class. You have to allow that at a younger age, not everyone is ready to study the arts seriously. Was the Karate school you tried very tied up in etiquette and rules? She might find that intimidating (I certainly did, I quit a school over that nonsense).

    My daughter is close to her BB in TKD (as non bullshit as TKD can get, I guess) and is 13 (she's been in TKD since age 5). She plans to stick around but cross train in other arts but has zero interest in the FMA's (which is what I do) which frustrates me to no end. But you have to accept that sometimes they don't want to do the arts we want them to do.

    Speaking as a girl, some girls do better when there's female role models and instructors around, so you might keep that in mind, too.

    Good luck!
  5. Plasma is offline
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    Bullshido Administrator

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    Posted On:
    4/05/2014 8:29am

    supporting memberforum leaderstaff
     Style: Bullshido's Ninja

    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Well done. Reblogged to the Front Page.

    If I just moved it, it wouldn't show up at the top due to the original post date.
    Last edited by Plasma; 4/05/2014 9:31am at .
  6. daishi is online now

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    Mar 2010
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    Posted On:
    4/05/2014 9:07am


     Style: Aikido/JJJ/Judo/GoJu Ryu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    We have a female student (just turned 18, maybe 2nd or 3rd deg bb), who is on the US and National karate teams. Very mature for her age and a very good instructor. It really does make a difference as far as female role model...I'm pretty sure our karate are the only classes we have with females in it. We've never had girls in judo or jujitsu, and girls almost never last longer than a few months in aikido. Actually, the previously mentioned girl has been talking about starting aikido again. It will be interesting to see if other girls migrate to that class with her.

    Kids are quite fickle. My first is on the way, but I've been paying close attention all my friends whose children have been training (one family has been training together for around 8 years continuously).

    For the young kids classes,I think it is an art to balance fun and traditional training. Sometimes it's good to "trick" students into learning fundamentals - make it where it doesn't seem like work. But there has to be a balance, as you need to prevent the atmosphere where doing actual techniques and training is perceived as almost a form of " eat your spinach" type of punishment.

    For the older kids class (15 to 10, or however it's broken down), you have more petty drama; whinnying over who gets to test, arrogance, laziness, little squabbles between students, etc. I feel like this is an increasing phenomenon the last ten years. It's awesome to see our young black belts (17-18yo) that assist class, learn how to deal with these situations. It's a great lesson to learn at such a young age for the assistant teacher, and it's probably way more structured discipline than many of the problem student receive at home. I'm pretty sure all of our black belt asst instructor teens are ones whose family train - so I've literally seen both martial and personal growth traits handed down from father to son, to younger brother, to other students in kids classes that look up to, or have a healthy respect for.

    TL;DR Parents: Take the side of the teacher if your kid is being a ****. If you don't trust the judgement of that schools' Sensei, why on earth would you let your kids train there?!
  7. Sovvolf is offline

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    Location
    Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England.
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    Posted On:
    4/05/2014 9:24am


     Style: Kickboxing, LGKF, Karate

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    My niece is 7 years old, honestly, the Karate place we was training us wasn't that strict or tied up in etiquette. Fairly lose on it all and sparred a every lesson we went to which is pretty good for Karate. We had some pretty good teachers and plenty of younger kids around but she would just mess around and spend too much time trying to mess with her aunty (my fiancee) perhaps I was being a little strict with her that she wasn't taking it seriously enough I last took her when she was 6 and she's been begging me to take her back the last few months. Now that my work has relaxed and I'm back in Barnsley through the week I was thinking on taking her to the mixed classes on a Saturday when I tend to go.

    The reason I wanted to take her to this gym is cause, for a Karate gym they take the striking fairly seriously and don't spend much if any time on patterns but rather striking and sparring. Which I thought would be better for her if she wanted to learn how to fight. Hopefully enroll her in the kickboxing classes when she's older.

    Think I'm going to take what you guys and girls have said. I'll give her another shot taking her to the Karate gym next Saturday for the mixed classes. If she's still not showing much interest when she gets there, then I'll see about getting her into another martial art.

    If I'm happy with how she's going I'll pay for her to go to the kids classes through the week. I'll be at work so possibly get her Nanan to drop her off and see how she does. Maybe with me out of the way, she'll focus more on the lesson and less about what her uncle is doing.

    Cheers for the advice. One quick off topic question, whats FMA?
  8. TwentyThree is online now

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    Nov 2008
    Location
    North Richland Hills, TX
    Posts
    73

    Posted On:
    4/05/2014 4:52pm


     Style: Modern Arnis

    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Sovvolf View Post
    My niece is 7 years old, honestly, the Karate place we was training us wasn't that strict or tied up in etiquette. Fairly lose on it all and sparred a every lesson we went to which is pretty good for Karate. We had some pretty good teachers and plenty of younger kids around but she would just mess around and spend too much time trying to mess with her aunty (my fiancee) perhaps I was being a little strict with her that she wasn't taking it seriously enough I last took her when she was 6 and she's been begging me to take her back the last few months. Now that my work has relaxed and I'm back in Barnsley through the week I was thinking on taking her to the mixed classes on a Saturday when I tend to go.

    The reason I wanted to take her to this gym is cause, for a Karate gym they take the striking fairly seriously and don't spend much if any time on patterns but rather striking and sparring. Which I thought would be better for her if she wanted to learn how to fight. Hopefully enroll her in the kickboxing classes when she's older.

    Think I'm going to take what you guys and girls have said. I'll give her another shot taking her to the Karate gym next Saturday for the mixed classes. If she's still not showing much interest when she gets there, then I'll see about getting her into another martial art.

    If I'm happy with how she's going I'll pay for her to go to the kids classes through the week. I'll be at work so possibly get her Nanan to drop her off and see how she does. Maybe with me out of the way, she'll focus more on the lesson and less about what her uncle is doing.

    Cheers for the advice. One quick off topic question, whats FMA?
    Oh, at that age, yeah, you're being too harsh, I think. Kids that age tend to play around a bit - a good teacher will have ways to call them back to attention to keep them focused. Some kids just can't do it at that age and you have to wait until they are a little older.

    How long was the class? More than an hour is too long at one stretch - it's not uncommon for that age group to have a 1/2 hour or 45 minute class (priced less than a longer class, I should think...)

    One thing - if she sees you as a father figure, be sensitive to her feelings about taking direction from you in class. YOUR kid may see instruction from you as personal criticism vs. honest objective coaching. It's sometimes better to stay out of it and let the teacher do it.

    I have a jo class I take with my daughter. I do everything I can to avoid working with her, because she's pretty sensitive that a suggestion from me comes off as being critical as her mom, not as a fellow classmate. Not all kids are this way, but be aware it could be an issue.

    FMA's = Filipino Martial Arts.
  9. Sovvolf is offline

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    Posted On:
    4/05/2014 6:13pm


     Style: Kickboxing, LGKF, Karate

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I understand that. Which is why, when I was taking her to the mixed classes, I was trying to let her do her own thing. Yes, at home with the pads and strike shield I'll show her some moves and talk her though it. However, I'm no instructor, I want the best for her and would like her to learn from a proper instructor. People who's skill I trust. I just had to cull her from time to time to keep her training and not messing. Most the other kids are training hard and didn't want her getting in their way.

    The classes are an hour a lesson. Standard stuff, mixed with the adults on Saturday. As you say. Perhaps I was being too harsh. I just didn't want my niece turning into that "One kid" I think we all know what I'm talking about there. That one kid in the class who is just there acting lazy, not wanting to do what they are told and hold the class and students back.

    Though you may be right. I may be being too harsh with her. Still a lad, should learn the patience. Think I'm going to fetch her this Saturday coming and I'll see how she does.
  10. AKRhino is offline
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    Posted On:
    4/07/2014 12:59pm


     Style: Brazillian Jiu Jitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Sovvolf View Post
    My niece is 7 years old, honestly, the Karate place we was training us wasn't that strict or tied up in etiquette. Fairly lose on it all and sparred a every lesson we went to which is pretty good for Karate. We had some pretty good teachers and plenty of younger kids around but she would just mess around and spend too much time trying to mess with her aunty (my fiancee) perhaps I was being a little strict with her that she wasn't taking it seriously enough I last took her when she was 6 and she's been begging me to take her back the last few months. Now that my work has relaxed and I'm back in Barnsley through the week I was thinking on taking her to the mixed classes on a Saturday when I tend to go.

    The reason I wanted to take her to this gym is cause, for a Karate gym they take the striking fairly seriously and don't spend much if any time on patterns but rather striking and sparring. Which I thought would be better for her if she wanted to learn how to fight. Hopefully enroll her in the kickboxing classes when she's older.

    Think I'm going to take what you guys and girls have said. I'll give her another shot taking her to the Karate gym next Saturday for the mixed classes. If she's still not showing much interest when she gets there, then I'll see about getting her into another martial art.

    If I'm happy with how she's going I'll pay for her to go to the kids classes through the week. I'll be at work so possibly get her Nanan to drop her off and see how she does. Maybe with me out of the way, she'll focus more on the lesson and less about what her uncle is doing.

    Cheers for the advice. One quick off topic question, whats FMA?
    Definitely try dropping her off, and leaving her with the teacher. I know my coach prefers that parents not sit and watch, as he feels this can actually lead to distraction, and he has a tougher time keeping them focused. You might get a very different result if you're not there. The other thing I would say is, that gym, or martial art, may not be a good fit for her. Shop around, so to speak. See if you can't find something she likes better.
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