Grappling & homophobia
Haha, yeah - I know the name of the topic sounds really ridiculous... But considering how popular especially BJJ has came late years Im SURE that I cant be the 1st person with this problem... Probably not even the first to admit it?
Well it all comes down to this - I started MMA training with boxing and muay thai and some very basic stand-up grappling like clinch-game and takedowns. **** man, I´m not very good at the stand-up fighting really (I´m about 178 cm and 90 kg with quite low fat %) - basic combos are easy to throw but more compliated stuff seems very complicated for me...
I have a ridiculous yet annoying problem - I´m quite much of a "natural" grappler - all the grappling I have taught this far has been very easy to learn, much easier that f.e even basic punching and also (due to my backround in bodybuilding naturally) Im quite strong and can easily "out grapple" guys that are technical a bit better than me (a lots of better then is totally another thing) with replacing my beginner level technique with just raw strength...
Then we get to the fucked up part haha... To put it short - Im totally fucking homophobic! Not in the meaning of the word that I think any ill of gays or so (Im very liberal actually and other peoples sexual interests are not my business as long as they are not pedophiles or some other sick fucks who ruin peoples lives) - I just feel god damned incomfortable even in doing some stand up grappling - like the basic clinch game. But okay - this I can somehow deal with...
But Im mentally in DEEP **** when it comes to learning the ground game... The open guard etc makes me just totally fucking nervous, it feels just so "gay" (haha dont take it too serious please) that I just freeze... I´v been trying for past 2 and half months to learn some basic BJJ & MMA ground game but man - how I get over this very stupid homophobic feeling?
Im pretty normal swedish guy - I know a couple of gays within my group of student friends and they are just fine fellows but they seem to recognize my irrational homophobia and sometimes jonkingly annoy me with telling tales of their sex adventures hahaha.... I always in these cases really leave the table or just pretend not hear anything but I actually wouldnt have believed that this kind of thing would carry over into my training...!
Yeah, you maybe think that Im fucked up or something but well - some people have hard time to start training cause they are f.e terribly shy or for other such mental reasons - I just happen to have a bit different kind of problem... Close contact with other guys feels just uncomrtable and on the ground it´s just all fucked up... I cant focus on my actual training at all cause of this homophobic mindfuck... I try to think it rationally that hey - some macho guys from brazil have invented this thing so why it is ME who´s having this kind of shitty problems haha....
I dont really know how to describe it better... But I certainly do appreciate if anyone who maybe has had a similar problem can tell how to get rid-off these stupid distracting associations...
I really want to learn proper grappling game since I feel it´s way more my thing than the stand-up game but it´s really difficult to take it seriously cause of the issues I mentioned... Maybe homophobic is the wrong word actually - I just use it cause I couldnt came with anything better... But it´s the very close contact with other guys that is giving me a hard time to do even basic drills and light sparring on the ground...
Now when you probably have laughed your asses off how is it possible that someone has a problem as ridiculous as mine I am more than grateful for any tips that could prove even slightest help... I refuse to quit this great hobby of mine only because somekind of phobia but it´s damn frustrating that I dont learn almost anything of the ground game during the same time as couple of guys who started at the same time with me already are sparring with advanced students etc...
are you sure its not more to do with having people in your personal space?
Well it is quite simple: The more you do it, the more you get used to it.
So the solution is simply shut up and train.
Really there can be many many reasons for this and maybe there isnâ€™t even any good one to be found. Just suck it up, train hard and it surely will get better.
Just out of curiosity: Do you have the same problem with female training partners?
Take a teaspoon of cement. and the problem will fix itself.
(I realise one day someone will actually eat some cement but I feel the funyness of this outcome outweighs the potential poisioning that may occur.)
As a hetrosexual man, I can't say I get any 'kicks' from training with female partners. I can't see how a homosexual person would in a similar situation. It's just training. I agree with Alex I don't think the issue is necessarily anything to do with sex at all but more an underlying one about physical contact with others.
I think you are right that homophobia is the wrong word but it will cause the thread to get many more views.
Grappling causes people to be in very close proximity its not usual to get someone that near you unless you are intimate with them, its not surprising that this might take some getting use to.
joking aside, I also think it might be a personal space issue. How do you feel on crowded elevators?
Well, most likely you're beginning to recognize your own homosexual tendencies. You're getting a little antsy, the way I would if I was rolling around in a public place with a bunch of Hawaiian Tropic models. We don't want to get wood in front of all these people, amirite?
Seriously, though. Is this your first athletic endeavor? Athletes in any sport that requires a lot of physical contact tend to get accustomed to the contact. Just keep training. It will pass.
The lady doth protest too much?
Originally Posted by Devil
If you have the time to think about any of that crap when you're grappling then your sparring partners suck.
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