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  1. 7
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Open letter to Mr. Jackman Regarding "The Wolverine"



    Dear Mr. Jackman;

    I'm a long time fan, but first time correspondent. Thanks for all you do. Even Les Miz and The Boy from Oz.

    I've read several interviews with you over the years in which you state something to the effect of, "I really want to give the fans what they are looking for in Wolverine this time." Congratulations, in your latest release, 2013's The Wolverine, I think you really nailed the character. Oh, you had a pretty good handle on him before. But this time, you had some room to breathe and give us the tension between his animal side and his enormous human capacity for love. Great stuff.

    But...

    You knew there had to be a "but" coming, didn't you?

    When I hear a plot will take Wolverine to Japan there's only one thing I'm thinking of. I bet you know what it is, too. That's right: NINJA.

    I don't know if you understand this or not, but... Back in the 1980's, in the heyday of the Ninja Boom, there was this trope that the ninja was the ultimate fighting machine. One ninja could take out dozens -- even hundreds -- of ordinary fighters. But then a curious thing happened in depictions of the ninja in media, ninjas fought other ninjas, which lead to the Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu, or the Inverse Ninja Law. This law of fictional physics states that ninja are weaker in groups.

    See evidence here:


    But the law didn't really take hold until superheroes fought ninja. And because the 1980's were also the period in which Wolverine skyrocketed to popularity -- in part due to the Frank Miller mini-series on which your latest movie is based -- Wolverine was at the forefront of this superheroes versus ninja trope.



    So when I went to see The Wolverine on opening day (did I mention I'm a huge fan?), I was a little disappointed.

    [Minor Spoiler]
    When Wolverine entered the poetically snowbound ninja village I was expecting terrible carnage. I was waiting for a mountain of black-clad corpses to be piled in the town square. But do you know how many ninja -- by our count -- Wolverine killed? Two.

    Two dead ninjas.

    What's up with that?

    Instead of using his berserker rage and mutant healing factor to wade into a retard of ninja (Note: "retard" is the Bullshido accepted term of venery for a collection of ninja) and cutting them into shreds, your Wolverine comically runs down the main street of town while being turned into a pin cushion by ninja archers.

    [End Spoilers]

    For the love of mighty Marvel, please tell me there's an extended cut ninja fight scene that will be made available on the DVD/BluRay release of this movie!

    In all other respects, I greatly enjoyed this movie and recommend it to other Wolverine fans as a tremendous improvement over the X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

    Thanks again;
    Styygens
    Last edited by Styygens; 7/27/2013 5:20pm at .

  2. It is Fake is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/27/2013 5:43pm

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    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Yes, there is a directors cut supposedly coming out on bluray. As someone tired of the ninja trope, the only problem with that scene is he didn't go into a berserker rage. That scene plays out in damn near EVERY storyline. It felt truncated when I watched it, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

    Way worse was making MechaSIlver Samurai.

    http://www.slashfilm.com/expect-a-bl...on-dvdblu-ray/

    There’s another great scene with Hiro Sanada and a much more elaborate battle with ninjas from the third act that is a pretty huge battle sequence that you’ll see.
  3. vaquero de las nalgas is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/27/2013 5:54pm


     Style: Hsing I, Bagua, Chi kung

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The words "American" and "Ninja" should never be in the same sentence.
  4. It is Fake is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/27/2013 5:58pm

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    He's Canadian, so I don't know what you are talking about.

    Yes, I purposely ruined your joke.
  5. W. Rabbit is offline
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    insight combined with intel, fuse, and dynamite

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    Posted On:
    7/27/2013 9:17pm

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Gymkata had a lot of "Parmistanian" ninjas. I think the ninja:hero ratio in that movie is like 5:1, max.

    So, adjusting for 80's values to the modern day, 2 dead ninjas: Wolverine is about right.

  6. hungryjoe is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/27/2013 9:59pm

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     Style: judo hiatus

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Wabbit's math rorks for me.

    aside

    How many actors keep the daily physical training regimen of Jackman? Not many I'm guessing.
  7. Drunken Soim is offline

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    Posted On:
    7/27/2013 10:55pm


     Style: Chinese MA

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I just came back from the movies theater after seeing this and I gotta say: where are the shuriken? No ninja-awesomeness is complete without shuriken.

    Kendo guys will love the brief scene where Hiroyuki Sanada appears for the first time. Hollywood Kendo is awesome -- and also pretty damn flashy.
  8. Bneterasedmynam is offline

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    Posted On:
    7/29/2013 11:47am


     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by W. Rabbit View Post
    Gymkata had a lot of "Parmistanian" ninjas. I think the ninja:hero ratio in that movie is like 5:1, max.

    So, adjusting for 80's values to the modern day, 2 dead ninjas: Wolverine is about right.

    Gymkata should not even be mentioned in the same thread as any movie with Wolverine. What's sad is I watched Gymkata, it still kind of makes me a little sick to my stomach.
  9. W. Rabbit is offline
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    Posted On:
    7/29/2013 12:17pm

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     Style: (Hung Ga+BJJ+MT+JKD) ^ Qi

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Bneterasedmynam View Post
    Gymkata should not even be mentioned in the same thread as any movie with Wolverine. What's sad is I watched Gymkata, it still kind of makes me a little sick to my stomach.
    Sorry you have such a weak stomach.

    Gymkata is awesome.
  10. Bezmond is offline

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    Posted On:
    7/29/2013 12:24pm


     Style: Taijiquan, Karate

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by W. Rabbit View Post
    Gymkata is awesome.
    Sounds like a movie about large thighed women at a poorly spelled equestrian event.
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