Ignoring the demands of a training partner?
I've run into an unusual problem and I was hoping I could get some advice from more experienced people.
I have a decent grappling background in sambo. There aren't any sambo schools around where I live so I joined a BJJ gym. I am 6'2" and weight 260 lbs (I am not fat). I've been doing BJJ for 3 years now and feel like I am making good progress.
From day one, my coach has been telling me not to use strength and instead to work on improving my position through technique. I took that to heart and I feel that I get a lot more out of a training session by using my head instead of just powering my way through. Trying to power a technique doesn't really work on someone stronger or more technical than me anyway, so it makes sense.
So here is the problem. There is a girl who attends the same classes I do. Every time we roll she keeps making statements like "You can go harder than that." or "I am not a delicate flower." etc. She will even do this when learning a new technique, before really understanding the mechanics.
I can submit her pretty much at will though. For example she will tap from me just squeezing my legs together from guard. So if I go harder, neither of us will learn anything and the coach specifically told me not to hulk out. She has yet to put me in any dangerous position or threaten a submission. So when I work my techniques it's always a slow, controlled pressure type of game. It's starting to annoy me that she keeps telling me to up my game when she can't really even match the pace I am already going at.
I've asked the coach about it and he said to just pay it no mind and she's like that with everyone, even the black belts. I've tried to pay it no mind, but it's difficult for me on a personal level.
I should make it clear that this is not about her being a girl. There are some girls at the same gym that are training for pro-fights that make me work like a dog just to keep up. I've asked her to at least submit me a few times before giving me advice, but it didn't work. Does any one know how I should approach this matter?
Smoke her one time and see if she still wants to complain after being submitted 15 times in five minutes.
I'd say "I understand, but you're not the reason I'm going slow".
I suspect that some training partners find it more frustrating to "lose" to someone who seems to be barely trying. Even though she's always being subbed, maybe she wouldn't feel weaker or less skilled if she was losing to someone who seemed to be trying hard. Sometimes we love an excuse. I wonder if that's whats happening here.
Last edited by Permalost; 5/30/2013 2:24pm at .
Remind her of who's the boss (the coach), what he told you, and suggest that she take it up with him, since you're not the only recipient of her, um, urgings.
Partner says do one thing, coach says do something else, you do what coach says.
How long has she been training?
This. You are there to learn for your development, not for hers. Tell her that you are following the instructor's advice, and that you will heed his over her requests.
Originally Posted by Permalost
If you ever get really annoyed, just stay on top in side mount using enough weight to immobilize her. Don't try to sub her or move too quickly. That way she won't get hurt and you won't come off as a dick.
If she's much smaller, you need to be careful not to break her ribs though.
There was a ROTC girl at my judo club that I'd roll with sometimes, and she said the same thing my first time out. (She was a yellow and I was a white). I went really easy and I was still dominating her. Weird submissions I learned from watching TV worked on her, and she stopped saying that.
Anyways, I think you should just straight up tell her: "You can't keep up at my current pace, so I'm not going to go harder" just like you said. If its getting annoying, she is getting in your way of training.
Edit: dammit. this is the basic training forum. I started saying something about singing "pointer sister's slow hand" but I'll STFU and stay on topic.
She's been training longer than I have, so at least 3 years. But she does not come very regularly.
Guess I will try permalost's method, and if it doesn't work I might just have to listen to the devil.
I think some females feel they are being treated "delicate" by their training partners because of their gender. She obviously doesn't like the idea of being treated less then equal so she is vocal about it.
I would just tell her I'm going slow because of the size different, which would be the same for anyone I outweigh by 100+ pounds. If she still feels you are going too slow, pin her down in side control and start putting your weight on her.
Maybe tell her that you like to slow down and work more technically against smaller people regardless of gender. I say that to the two women at my club, they could definitely kick my ass in an all out roll but I could do some damage by virtue of my sheer size. They seem to take it well that I see the rolls with them as my best rolls for learning. In regards to my size I'm the fat guy that even the big guys don't want to roll with so maybe it's different.