If they are not super-assholes and try to piss me off on purpose, I usually just tell them what my problem is, I'm keeping it friendly. Then they either apologize and stop whatever they did to piss me off, or we switch partners so I don't have to deal with them anymore.
I understand it's not easy to tell someone they make you so mad that you need a time-out, especially if you have to keep training with them for weeks, month or years. My experience is, however, that communication can be really helpful there.
On the other hand, if the guy is a super-asshole who is pissing you off on purpose, I don't see what's wrong with pushing up the pace in sparring a little bit. Not like you should break his arm or smash his teeth in, but I'd definitely keep the chokes a little tighter and the striking a little more commited on him.
I train specifically not to lose my temper.
Originally Posted by CrackFox
i don't like to get Angry. Being of Celtic origin, it leads to a boiling Temper so in real Life, I go for a walk at pace to burn off the Noradrenaline etc so I calm down. It can take the best part of an hour.
In training, I rarely get upset. It can be frustrating when you need to train a technique but you are prevented from doing so for a variety of reasons:
- your sensei changes his Mind and sends over a student to learn a kyu technique
- you've done a ferocious Warm Up and a Dan Grade turns up just after it's over
- Being uke for a Pre-Dan who has a licence to practice a complete Kyu syllabus and then tries to break your arm. I told him I thought it was intentional on his part.
- overt arrogance on the part of a Kyu grade who won't take direction and has forgotten that you have been through the grade plus those that follow plus the Dan Grades...
- being called a "****" and told to "**** off" - under their breath despite the rules prohibiting profanity. I was actually instructing and was being nice - as I usually am.
- being subjected to a rant by a Brown Belt who I had rebuked for his snide remarks to the 4th Dan I was assisting. I had to hold my Temper so I didn't break his Jaw. He was also being dishonest. At a later training session under a 6th Dan, I learned that the other 1st Kyu and the 2nd Kyu had made a formal complaint against his behaviour.
I accept informed pain etc as part of the technique and accidents happen. I'm less forgiving of a recently promoted 3rd Dan who does hurt me - from time to time - and that's because his technique isn't as good as he thinks. When that happens, I stand back and just say "No". I get quizzical looks from the 6th Dan and a superb 4th Dan (shortly going for his 5th Dan). That's it. I don't give ground. The higher grades don't make such accidents (except rarely) so I have confidence in them. The 3rd Dan, less so 'cos he's in a rush and he is often applying knowledge from his father in law and training partner (both 6th Dan).
I would say that you cannot have 2 people losing their Temper. That is childish or something has gone wrong.
I just snap a few arms, maybe a knee if I'm really in a bad way. That always makes me feel better.
This. I rarely get angry while training, but the few times it's happened, I either sit out the rest of the round or go for a short walk outside to calm myself down. If people ask why I'm taking a break, I tell them in a dry and factual manner that I'm pissed and need a moment to calm down.
Originally Posted by Omega Supreme
That's always worked for me.
The real question is the always pertinent who do you deal with shitty often spastic training partners.
the easy answer is don't train with them but as people know in BJJ sometimes you just end up with the dickhead who wants to win rather than train. For BJJ knowing that someone is goign to be an asshat I do my best to try and neutralize them rather than win.
If they are spazzy white belt I look to put my 210 pounds across their face or knee on belly and hang out there for as long as possible.
If they are better than me and want to rag doll me them I work on rolling with what ever they are doing, it means I get tapped a bunch but I don't get tweaked or hurt.
Frankly my entire focus on training is mostly not getting hurt, but I am brittle old out of shape and train like **** so what do I know
I go out of my way to injure my partner and try to get a few cheap shots in after the round ends. Then I retreat to a corner and seethe for a while before storming out to my car to get a baseball bat. I go back into the gym and menace everyone for a few minutes until all my energy is spent and I break down in tears.
A week later I find my outburst posted on Youtube and the cycle starts over again.
I try very very hard not to lose my temper in training. Most of the time, I have a great time while I'm rolling...even if I'm losing. I go in trying to survive, and if I get an advantage or get a tap, that's icing on the cake.
What makes me lose my temper are the people that refuse to tap, and will fight while I'm sinking a sub just because they're keeping some kind of BS tally for training. With those people, I'll call them out as we roll. One guy in particular suddenly stops our rolls because we're "too close to others" whenever he's losing, but will gladly put his foot on a wall or pillar in the gym to get an advantage. What's even more hilarious, is that he always resets himself into a better position than he was in when he called time.
I've learned to laugh at it, because eventually, I'm not going to have to deal with him. He's going to burn out/wash out, or he's going to get crushed so badly once everyone gets better that he'll become a non-issue.
Outside of that, a good talking to will do, like this:
I think part of the reason I was frustrated enough to make a thread about this was that actually, I didn't have that good a reason to get ticked off, and if I had explained why I was really leaving, I would have looked pretty bad.
Originally Posted by jnp
The weird thing is that the night before I had a guy doing the same kind of thing, only worse, and it didn't bother me in the slightest. For some reason last night it did get to me, even though what he was doing was only minor.
I think I'm going to have to chalk it down to experience.
Also, jnp, can you put the missing "w" from "how" into the thread title for me please?
It does not happen often, but it does happen. It can be for all sorts of things, but generally I blame myself for not concentrating and allowing something to happen that I should have prevented. If I let it get the best of me, I take a break from the training for a bit to collect my thoughts and get back under control. if it was due to something my training partner did, I calmly discuss it with them and point out what was the issue. If they want to be a jerk about it, I just figure it is okay to physically show them why they should not do that. Otherwise, they may do it to someone else. If it is just stress from my regular job or lack of concentraion for whatever reason, the brief time out to collect my thoughts usually helps me get back in the game.
Pressurized training has a way of peeling off your outer facade and exposing things about you that you might not want the general public to see. If youre finding that sometimes you get upset (for good reason or not) about things happening in training, maybe its as simple as learning to maintain your composure over your emotions. Dont go blaming it on your training partner, whether hes a dick or not.
That can be a bit difficult without an instructor that is aware of it and has a specific focus to help you with it, so if it keeps happening you need to make them aware of it. But it would be in your best interest, both for your training environment as well as your life, to put yourself in situations where you start to lose your composure and allow your instructor to help coach you through the issues until they disappear.
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