2/19/2013 6:01pm, #21
Interestingly last night while I was home with a sick kiddo my wife texted me the following from practice "I get dudes that don't wanna work with a chick. **** them."
I've seen it. I guess it's possible that his guys would never act like that, but I suspect that's probably not the case. I'd suspect this happens in most gyms. Is it the dominant attitude? Not that I've seen. Does it happen? Yeah, unfortunately it does... I wouldn't be surprised to learn that this kind of attitude can be pretty disheartening, and could easily be a primary reason for a woman leaving a gym.
Also what's all this bs about "you have to be tough!" I'm in no way "tough" I'm actually a huge *****. Maybe that's another discussion though...
2/19/2013 6:11pm, #22
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
- Shelton, CT
I've only taken like 3 or 4 BJJ classes in my entire life, and I was subbed by a woman on at least one occasion. The gym I'm starting at in March has a female assistant instructor who is a purple belt.
2/19/2013 6:20pm, #23
Gee, that article wasn't rife with misogyny and passive aggressiveness at all.
2/19/2013 6:28pm, #24
Someone mentioned it earlier, but I'd suggest that the women that actually take a class have a lower attrition rate after starting than men. It just appears that less women stay on because there is less women.
I have tried to convince several women to do BJJ as they have an interest in my doing it (while having done TKD or something similar previous), but there is always an excuse. The usual, "I want to get fit before I go" is trotted out, but there are others, "I don't want to get bruises", "I don't know about wrestling with guys" and my favourite, "I don't think I'll look good while doing it" (granted only heard that one once). As it is a male dominated sport, there is a huge hurdle right at the beginning for women that men in the majority don't see.
A woman would probably think deeply over their motivations for wanting to try something like BJJ. It wouldn't be an easy decision, putting yourself in a vulnerable position with bigger men on the regular. The first lesson would be intimidating beyond all measure (from a man's perspective), not knowing anything, being aware that strength-wise she'd be at a disadvantage, and ultimately they would probably do a bit more due diligence with research about the place they are about to train in. A man, on the other hand, might go, "yo, I love this UFC, I want to trane" and jump in at his nearest gym, his ego believing his size and strength will actually mean something on the mat (ahem, guilty as charged).
So when the going gets tough and the ego is taking a battering, a woman has already humbled herself, whereas a guy is like, "**** this, I tapped out a couple of guys, I'm cage ready, mahfuckah, I don't need no more traneing." The woman stays on, the guy leaves.
We have a few women at our gym, a couple of them are nearly as regular as I am, which is a damn sight more regular than I'd say at least 60% of the male white belts. Most of them are ranked higher than I am, so I'm assuming they have stuck with it for more than a couple of years.GET A RED BELT OR DIE TRYIN'.
2/19/2013 6:34pm, #25
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Richmond, VA
2/19/2013 6:39pm, #26
2/19/2013 6:52pm, #27
The Instructor in the OP comes across as condescending and passive-agressive as pointed out..That probably doesnt help the drop out rate at his school if everyone is tuned to that vibe.
That said,its not much of a point of argument thats difficult to attract and retain female students at time,but i for one thing too much diferential treatment is as detrimental as the perceived fear that we are scaring them away by being too "rough"
Ive said it before,i strive to treat any female training partner as i would a male of equal height,build and limitations. I dont manhandle a shorter,skinnier dude like a pitbull with a chew toy but i dont coddle him either.
If you have contact that causes discomfort,apologize and move on.Ultimatly its not going to be any of us to undo what years of conditioning or mindset a female student has that will make her quit or stay.Thats on her,personal accountability and all that jazz.
we owe them as much respect and help as we would a male counterpart,including not sulking if tapped or refusing to roll with them,but thats about it for me."You tell them a lie,and when you dont need it anymore you tell them another lie and tell them they´re progressing along the road to wisdom.Then instead of laughing they follow you even more,hoping at the heart of all the lies they´ll find the truth.And bit by by they accept the unnaceptable."
2/19/2013 7:08pm, #28
Another part that sort of concerns me about that attitude is that when a guy thinks that he's the savior to women on a great sea of perverted men, he generally sees all men as perverted, perhaps because he's projecting himself on human nature or because he sees himself as as subset of that, but either way there's something kinda creepy about that. But I think I'm reading too much into that there.
I think that there's plenty of guys that quit but they're kind of written off because they fit a certain profile. A casual flip flops and Affliction shirt fight fan who studies for a few months and moves on with his life, for example. That guy quits and nobody bats an eye. When a female quits and now your club's lost 50% of its female players, people tend to notice more.
2/19/2013 7:23pm, #29
I find it very troubling that any adult that is in a serious relationship can't identify what is and is not intimate contact.
Have any of you out there run into this issue with your significant others?
2/19/2013 7:27pm, #30
- Join Date
- Apr 2011
- Lower Franconia