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  1. Holy Moment is online now
    Holy Moment's Avatar

    Light Heavyweight

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Shitsville
    Posts
    4,417

    Posted On:
    2/13/2013 11:14pm

    supporting member
     Style: Wrestling

    15
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    The Neolympics

    With the recent elimination of the oldest sport in existence from the 2020 Olympics, the IOC has made it very clear what direction they want this event to go. It won't be long before rhythmic circle-jerking supplants track-and-field and all medal winners will be declared by viewers' texted votes. With that mind, I think we here should take it upon ourselves to create a new international sporting event for the betterment of mankind. Instead of promoting peace and unity, however, the purpose of our event will simply be to promote raw badassery in the collective population of the globe. Here are my proposed events, please feel free to contribute your own:

    Wrestling (Three divisions: Greco-Roman, Freestyle, and Oil)

    Judo (With leg takedowns)

    Boxing (Pro rules)

    Pankration (With Cestus)

    Bullfighting (One-on-one, none of that **** where guys on horseback get to weaken the bull with spears first)

    Whale hunting (With canoes and spears)

    Mantrapping

    Instead of racewalking, Oldschool Pedestrianism (Athletes have to walk across the entire host country)

    Taktarov Marathon (Athletes must race a marathon's distance through the jungle with a burst appendix)

    Killdozer Joust

    Anbo-Jyutsu

    Piracy

    Javelin and Shot Put Catching

    Microlight Air Dueling

    Decathlon:

    Day 1

    - 100 metre hot coal army crawl
    - Tank shooting
    - Asphyxiation endurance
    - Manual building destruction
    - 2000 metre fall

    Day 2

    - Collapsed mine escape
    - Sperm count
    - Hippopotamus bowhunting
    - Bait eating
    - Last man standing free-for-all

    What you got?
  2. Volya is offline

    Lightweight

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia
    Posts
    344

    Posted On:
    2/14/2013 12:54am

    Bullshido Newbie
     Style: Kickboxing?

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    HAhahah, ****. Started so seriously then exploded with awesomeness.

    Horse Hunt?

  3. The_Beak is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    SATX
    Posts
    606

    Posted On:
    2/14/2013 1:18am


     Style: Youtube-do

    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I could care less about wrestling but Thank God they kept Speed Walking.
    http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enha...44098406-4.gif

    Could you imagine an Olympic games without speedwalking? It would be a travesty.

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/ktlincoln/th...alking-in-gifs
  4. Mr. Machette is offline

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    2,707

    Posted On:
    2/14/2013 1:21am

    Join us... or die
     Style: FMA, Ego Warrior

    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Moose Punching

    "Olympic" Carjacking (no clothes)

    Ferret Legging

    German Fetish Decathlon

    "The Kardashian Guantlet"

    X-treme Chess (Vale Tudo Rule Set)
  5. DarkPhoenix is offline
    DarkPhoenix's Avatar

    I feel like you eyeballin' me, dawg!

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Wyomissing, PA
    Posts
    2,246

    Posted On:
    2/14/2013 7:56am


     Style: Judo, BJJ

    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Machette View Post

    "The Kardashian Guantlet"
    The gold for this event goes to the person with the most STDs at end of the trials.

    Full contact beer pong

    Rancor Wrangling (No Jedi powers allowed! This is an amateur sporting event after all)

    Syncronised masturbation
    Quote Originally Posted by Holy Moment View Post
    BJJ JOE: I'm going to make hate to you. Right here, right now.
    ... Ohhhhhhhh, I'm going to make hate to you so hard that your kinfolk back in Africa will feel it.l
    Quote Originally Posted by Archer
    Karate is the Dane Cook of martial arts
  6. SmH is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    48

    Posted On:
    2/14/2013 8:40am


     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Double-bear-club-choke-athon:

    You get an average-weight grizzly-bear tied to each of you hands. You then have to knock out one of the bears, using the other bear as a club and apply the knocked out bear to the formerly-club-bear to choke him out.
  7. Diesel_tke is offline
    Diesel_tke's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Pensacola, FL
    Posts
    4,005

    Posted On:
    2/14/2013 9:27am

    Join us... or die
     Style: stick,Taiji, mountainbike

    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The drunk tri-cycle race from Revenge of the Nerds.
    Combatives training log.

    Gezere: paraphrase from Bas Rutten, Never escalate the level of violence in fight you are losing. :D

    Drum thread

    Pavel Tsatsouline: kettlebell workouts give you “cardio without the dishonour of aerobics”.
  8. Cake of Doom is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    surrey, UK
    Posts
    804

    Posted On:
    2/14/2013 9:34am


     Style: Holiday Judo

    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Seal clubbing

    American Pie franchise endurance watch. Winner takes all.
  9. Chili Pepper is online now
    Chili Pepper's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,258

    Posted On:
    2/14/2013 9:42am


     Style: Siling Labuyo Arnis

    5
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I'm going to throw in some suggestions for the Neolympics Winter Games

    Biathalon Bobsled - the guy in the back isn't doing anything after the initial push. Let's give him a rifle and have him snipe targets at 100 km/h. Hell, make it a full-auto rifle, for added **** yeah.

    Freestyle Skiing Biathalon - what's that you say? I could have sworn you said "it's an awesome idea to give the skiier a rifle, and snipe targets while simultaneously nailing a spinning somersault after being launched high in the air" ... and you'd be right.

    And while we're messing with the definition of biathalon, let's remind the sport itself of its military roots; change the shape of the track into a figure-8, and allow competitors to take out their rivals as they pass.
  10. DdlR is offline
    DdlR's Avatar

    Light Heavyweight

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    4,777

    Posted On:
    2/14/2013 9:49am

    supporting member
     Style: Bartitsu

    3
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    ComBaton:



    Kosho:



    Antagonisticathlon:



    Finger Jousting:



    Kaiju Big Battel:

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