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  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    31
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    What would you have done?

    Hi,

    I left a dojo after many years due to some changes in behavior from the sensei. I think I did the right thing by leaving, and other senseis have agreed, but since my last thread got many intelligent, thoughtful replies here, I figured I'd ask for your opinions as well.

    Here's what happened: I'd been studying at a dojo for years, but the instructor changed during that time. I've seen him say while walking through his dojo that "the master walks among the slaves" and watched as he publicly badmouthed another school to the class. He blackened my eye on purpose and berated me for my having made an honest mistake while sparring (he felt my hook was too quick), and made a public joke at my expense to the effect that my wife and I haven't have children. I left the school, even though other students swear by this guy and have nothing but good things to say about him.

    I really don't think I did anything wrong here... I always wore a uniform, obeyed directions, and worked courteously with partners. The worst that can be said of me is that I'm a bit of a spaz and would sometimes speed up during sparring, but every time a partner asked me to slow down, I did. I also asked each partner if my pace was ok, and they said yes. To my knowledge, no one complained about me.

    The day I was ridiculed in pubilc for not having a child yet (something I did NOT discuss with him or anyone else there... he inferred this), I quietly left and didn't return. I think I did the right thing, but this experience has soured me on training. Any thoughts on this situation are appreciated.

  2. #2
    slamdunc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    2,537
    Style
    TKD, CMA & American Kenpo
    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Obviously, this wasn't the right place for you. Find another school and build on the martial arts foundation you have. The 'master walking among slaves' comment seems a bit egotistical, maybe even narcissistic.



    Quote Originally Posted by Devil View Post
    You can not intellectualize your way to being a competent fighter.

  3. #3
    Vorpal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    A Hell of my own making
    Posts
    3,082
    Style
    BJJ
    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    What style is this where you have to slow down and keep an appropriate speed for sparring?

    Don't let one person's douchery keep you from doing something you obviously enjoy. Most martial arts instructors I have met are pretty decent people, you just happened to get a bad one. Keep looking, keep training.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Tianjin, China
    Posts
    422
    Style
    Taijiquan, Karate
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Surely you need to find a teacher who says "good" when you throw a fast hook?

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    31
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Bezmond View Post
    Surely you need to find a teacher who says "good" when you throw a fast hook?
    Well, I don't really need that... I just wish that he could've simply told me to slow down if that's what he wanted. I would've complied, just like I had with any other partner. That's all.

  6. #6
    Chili Pepper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,452
    Style
    Siling Labuyo Arnis
    5
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I occasionally tell potential students that for a beginner, the choice of school often has less to do with the style and more with the teacher and atmosphere. If you're not comfortable learning there, then no matter how interested you are in that particular style, you're just spinning your wheels.

  7. #7
    Mr. Machette's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    3,394
    Style
    FMA, Ego Warrior
    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Your old instructor sounds like a douche.

    You absolutely did the right thing by not giving him another red cent or moment of your time.

    There are unfortunately many A-holes and egotists who run schools simply because they like the power and status.

    There are also a great many skilled martial artists who do it to pass their gifts on to the world. You just need to find one from this category.

  8. #8
    Permalost's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    14,353
    Style
    street paddleboarding
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    What style/school is this?

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    31
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Permalost View Post
    What style/school is this?
    With respect, I'd prefer not to say. My concern is that someone from this school or someone who admires the art might overreact and try to start a flame war that I don't want. I simply wanted an assessment of whether or not this was right conduct on my instructor's behalf. Frankly, his making public mockery of my wife and I not having children (and again, I did NOT tell him about this or anyone else at that school), was enough without the other things that he did. I'm glad for the feedback here so far.

  10. #10

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    504
    Style
    BJJ
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    While I understand not wanting to name the school, I think you should feel free to discuss the style in the sense that it's part of your history, and you're completely entitled to your opinion. If you chose to leave based on how YOU felt then that's something no-one can dispute.

    Having said all that, you made the right call, you've got to be happy where you train (and that absolutely includes who you train with).

    Get back on the horse (perhaps with some guidance from folks on here in your area) and keep training.

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