What do you do if someone is insulting your wife/girlfriend?

**bobyclumsyninja** · Posted On: 12/06/2012 2:38am

Originally Posted by battlefields

How'd you nerd up a thread about defending girls?

How can one NOT nerd up a defend-the-girl thread eventually?

**ChuckWepner** · Posted On: 12/06/2012 3:54am

Originally Posted by Mr. Machette

Ain't what? Good god man, finish the sentence! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!!!

I think Smackjack was telling us his wife is under 2" (5 cm) tall.

**syberia** · Posted On: 12/06/2012 5:53am

Originally Posted by battlefields

How'd you nerd up a thread about defending girls?

By putting it on the internet.

**ChuckWepner** · Posted On: 12/06/2012 7:34am

The one killer move that I think we haven't covered for OP is display urination.

http://wideeyedfunk.wordpress.com/20...-embarrassing/

You have to be careful, though, so that it isn't mistaken for submissive urination.

http://www.cesarsway.com/tips/traine...sive-Urination

Also, you run the even worse risk that people will mistake you for Andy Dick.

http://perezhilton.com/2011-05-16-an...c#.UMCQG4awVy0

Click image for larger version.

Name: andydickpublicurination__oPt.jpg
Views: 3
Size: 17.1 KB
ID: 14138

**Lebell** · Posted On: 12/06/2012 10:32am

Originally Posted by bobyclumsyninja

How can one NOT nerd up a defend-the-girl thread eventually?

allow me:

**erezb** · Posted On: 12/06/2012 12:49pm

Originally Posted by Lebell

Do nothing.
Then follow him home, get to know him, his wife.
Follow his wife to the grocerie store.
Befriend her, go have a coffee at her at a coffeeshop thats on the same street as some cheap hotel who rent by the hour.
This guy insulted your woman, so obviously he's a dick and she is vulnerable.
Seduce her, bang her in every way known to man in that cheap hotelroom.
Film it.
After you're done, she'll probably wanna take a shower, this is when you go through her phone, obtain his mothers number.
Repeat.

WIN.

Well if he just offended her slightly that course of action is ok i guess.
Now, if he really pissed you off, what you do is befriend his brother or father (also easier if you are not the ladies man, which you aren't lets face it hmmkay?)
..yes...go out for drinks with the both of them if possible, ruffi their beers, and have a three way from hell, im talking doing research before hand in the dirtiest porn sites known to man , buying accessories from Lebbel's on-line Dutch sex shop etc.
you feeling me?. It could be that you won't be able to get it up..i recommend a couple of Viagras in red-bull-vodka, also make sure you give some to them too, so it seems they are into it (it will help with the police investigation that might ensue..).
You pre hire a porn film maker so the video is 95% porn quality (don't pretend like you don't know what i'm talking about hhmkay?) and listen to his direction he is a pro.
Now i could go on and on, but the end result is he ate his parents divorced his wife and you end up adopting his kids.
One day, many years after the **** calmed down, you go visit him with your/his ex son in the mad house. You make his kid wear a T shirt saying "Don't **** with my wife!", and calmly unfold your master plan......success!

**cualltaigh** · Posted On: 12/06/2012 5:08pm

Can't shake the feeling that point 2 in the OP was an adjunct for:

**syberia** · Posted On: 12/07/2012 5:48am

Originally Posted by ChuckWepner

The one killer move that I think we haven't covered for OP is display urination.

This seems like the most likely scenario for the OP.

He may, however, also run the risk of annoying the crap out of his girlfriend, who probably does the washing. Because anyone who's this obsessed about being an 'alpha male' would be unable to function well enough to figure out how washing machines work.