226076 Bullies, 3978 online  
  • Register
Our Sponsors:

Results 1 to 10 of 17
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
  1. 3
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    How to Survive Black Friday: A guide by Bullshido


    Your gut is filled with dead bird and pie and you're desperate to save big money on the latest [THING PEOPLE BUY] by standing in line in the wee hours of the dark. But you also don't want to get knifed in the ass by a Halo player who needs a new monitor and isn't going to let a douchebag like you get in her way.

    So what do you do?

    Just follow these simple steps:

    1. Arrive Last Week


    modern day pioneers, these

    That's right, if you want to absolutely ensure you get first crack at the delicious, savory deals, you'd better be reading this via the wifi that's seeped out from the store whose deals you're stalking.

    By arriving last week, you'll not only be at the head of the line, your negligible personal hygiene will ensure nobody tries to get past you... or close to you.

    2. Dress in Motorcycle Armor


    Radio Shack? Bitch, this is Thunderdome!

    With the number of violent incidents every Black Friday, it's absolutely essential for you to be proactive when it comes to ensuring you don't get shanked or trampled to death.

    And unless you're in some component of the military or law enforcement like the author of this article, chances are you haven't gotten your hands on any individual body armor.


    smugly ensconced in that luxurious Kevlar™

    In that case, you can always try a Phil Elmore-approved "Stab Vest"

    3. Bring a Baby


    carrying configuration of said baby entirely up to you

    If it's one thing Americans (and American'ts, aka Canadians) love, it's babies. Having a baby with you will ensure people give you a wide berth while you enter the store without any worries.



    If your miniature human is on the outside of your uterus, never fear. Strollers give you the advantage of creating a greater footprint in a crowded area; they extend your "personal space" by several feet, and also provide for an excellent means of gently nudging people out of the way.


    might we suggest this model, available at Bass Pro

    4. Carry Pepper Spray

    Look, you have to defend yourself, especially if that [PERSON OF DIFFERING ETHNICITY OR RELIGION] is trying to steal from you the last copy of Hitman Absolution that's totally yours sitting right there in the bottom of the box oh GOD MOVE OUT OF THE WAY IT'S MINE!

    In most areas Pepper Spray is perfectly legal, and with its ability to clear an entire room, you'll ensure that people give you an even wider berth than if you were pregnant or pushing a stroller. In fact, if you double up on tips 3 and 4, you'll bedouble-extra-safe.



    And finally:

    5. Don't Fucking Go To Black Friday

    Are you retarded, or just a consumer sociopath? There's no damn reason why anyone without an NFL level of brain trauma would subject themselves to this stupidity when virtually all of the same deals are available on the Internet, without risk of being trampled or stabbed.



    yes, this is a link to Amazon with our affiliate code in it. buy your crap here, save money, save your own life, and contribute to the cause against bullshit all at the same time

  2. W. Rabbit is offline
    W. Rabbit's Avatar

    insight combined with intel, fuse, and dynamite

    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Work
    Posts
    8,201

    Posted On:
    11/21/2012 12:53pm

    supporting member
     

    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Black Friday is the most unChristmas thing there is.

    The true Antichrist, imho.
  3. Baltic is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    108

    Posted On:
    11/21/2012 7:03pm


     

    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I am working Black Friday.

    At Walmart.

    In the Electronics Dept.

    But thankfully, I'm one of them damn Canucks.

    We still have deals on Black Friday, but nowhere near the mob scene you guys get.
  4. Permalost is offline
    Permalost's Avatar

    pro nonsense self defense

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    12,565

    Posted On:
    11/21/2012 7:17pm

    supporting member
     Style: FMA, dumbek, Indian clubs

    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The Black Friday mob scene is more of a media creation than a real thing, like an American Idol.
  5. hungryjoe is offline
    hungryjoe's Avatar

    Light Heavyweight

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    3,407

    Posted On:
    11/21/2012 7:42pm

    supporting member
     Style: judo hiatus

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    5. Don't Fucking Go To Black Friday

    Are you retarded, or just a consumer sociopath? There's no damn reason why anyone without an NFL level of brain trauma would subject themselves to this stupidity when virtually all of the same deals are available on the Internet, without risk of being trampled or stabbed.
    Color me step #5.
  6. ChenPengFi is offline
    ChenPengFi's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Hawai'i
    Posts
    3,238

    Posted On:
    11/21/2012 7:48pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Hung Gar, Choy Lay Fut

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Baltic View Post
    I am working Black Friday.

    At Walmart.

    In the Electronics Dept.

    But thankfully, I'm one of them damn Canucks.

    We still have deals on Black Friday, but nowhere near the mob scene you guys get.
    So, no walkout then?
  7. Baltic is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    108

    Posted On:
    11/21/2012 7:53pm


     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by ChenPengFi View Post
    So, no walkout then?
    Nah, the walkouts aren't happening Walmart wide. It's more of a store-by-store thing. I'm one of the lucky ones. My manager actually treats me with... *gasp* ... respect!
  8. Bezmond is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Tianjin, China
    Posts
    399

    Posted On:
    11/21/2012 8:03pm


     Style: Taijiquan, Karate

    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    RE: Number 2

    How is it possible to wear such cool motorcycle armour and still look like such a little weiner?
  9. jnp is offline
    jnp's Avatar

    Titanium laced beauty

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    8,233

    Posted On:
    11/21/2012 10:06pm

    supporting memberforum leaderstaff
     Style: BJJ, wrestling

    3
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Black Friday is an obnoxious example of conspicuous consumption. I have never, and will never, participate in it.
    Shut the hell up and train.
  10. DKJr is offline
    DKJr's Avatar

    Fasten your seat belts, and prepare for lift off

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Richmond, VA
    Posts
    3,214

    Posted On:
    11/21/2012 10:33pm

    supporting member
     Style: Combat Cuddling

    2
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    This is what it'll be like when the economy collapses but instead of Tv's and Xbox's it'll be water and beans.
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Powered by vBulletin™© contact@vbulletin.com vBulletin Solutions, Inc. 2011 All rights reserved.