Insult Like A Chap

[Vorpal]

Dorothy Parker reviewing a book "This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly, it should be hurled with great force."

[Tom .C]

Though a drunken sot, he always stood for what he believed. If he only believed that he needed another.

[Eddie Hardon]

"This Man will go through Life pushing doors marked "Pull"".

Asserted to be a personnel report on a British Army soldier by his Reporting Officer.

"The Men will follow this Officer anywhere, if only out of curiosity".

Asserted to be a personnel report on a British Army officer by his Reporting Officer.

[doofaloofa]

Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

[Tom .C]

DustyMars was not plain stupid, he was fancy stupid, with all of the bells and whistles.

[ChenPengFi]

"I wonder which of these smelly Round Eyes will be the first to spread you wide and enter your equally smelly Jade Gate? Are you as untouched as you pretend..."


"Ayeeyah, old woman, you come from Ning Tok, a turtle dung village famous only for farts."

" Nosey, foreign devil toad belly whore with her Jade Gate so hungry for the Master a civilized person can almost hear it salivating..."

Gai Jin

[Eddie Hardon]

"As I slide down the bannister of Life, I shall always remember BELIZE as the splinter in my Arse" - British Army Tee-Shirt.

US-side, for "bannister" read "handrail".

[doofaloofa]

You have the manners of a goat and you smell like a dung heap and what is worse you have no idea of your own potential....

[ermghoti]

PG Wodehouse's descriptive passages will fit the bill.

"His eyes briefly glimmered with an almost human intelligence..."

“And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.”

“I don't know if you know it, J.B., but you're the sort of fellow who causes hundreds to fall under suspicion when he's found stabbed in his library with a paper-knife of Oriental design.”

“Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting. ”

“The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. ”

“This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.”

“The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets.
He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence.”

“It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.”

“Alf Todd," said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, "has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild cat's left ear with a red-hot needle.”

By way of rebuttal:

“We Woosters do not lightly forget. At least, we do - some things - appointments, and people's birthdays, and letters to post, and all that - but not an absolutely bally insult like the above.”

[hungryjoe]

Said to me.

"You wouldn't have the sense to pour piss from a boot if directions were on the heel"

Granny Bill