So you're in your house...

[It is Fake]

I wake up, from a deep sleep, and hear heavy beating on the front door. It is repeated enough that it sounds like someone is coming in. I Grab the gun and the phone. As I dial 911, I slide up and look through the peephole. It's just dark enough that I can't see, but I'm not going to turn on the light so they know I am near the doorway. As I am talking to the 911 operator, she notices there is a report of a burglary near or at my house. So, she calls the police dispatcher and I hear the officers radio crackle through the door.

Turns out, a guy was stealing stuff out of my driveway that we were giving away to Goodwill Services. A neighbor called the cops and they wanted to confirm the things in his back pack were mine.

[searcher66071]

Great thread!!

What do I do? Shake My Wife awake and have her drop to the far side of the bed. She takes the phone and calls 911 with her shotgun laying across the bed(our bed is huge and offers a barrier of untold proportions). I get my 870 from behind the door and work myway to the hallway(I have a good position behind the furnace) with my remote for our house lights. Once I know they are in the living room, close my eyes, click the lights off and on to ruin their night vision. Stop the threats as they present themselves. The only guy to hear me "rack" my shotgun are any survivors of the initial shot. Finish up clearing room to room. While clearing, yell my name so the LEOs know who I am. Once the LEOs arrive, make sure my shotgun and that of My Wife's are not near us(no accidental shootings). Call Crime Scene Cleanup to get the blood out of the carpet before My Wife kills me!!

[Smackjack]

Someone did break in my house, they faked an ID at a keysmith and had a key made. I was in my boxers and awake doing late nigh research, I chased them with my 9mm Taurus to their car. I wasn't thinking of course but ability to think in your first situation like that is minimal. I report the license plate number and they caught the fucker before he left the city.

[Chili Pepper]

A friend of mine had just bought a house, moved in, and was spending his first night in the new place. At some point, he heard the floorboard creaking downstairs. He climbed out of bed and stood in the dark with a golf club, thinking "c'mon fucker, come up the stairs."

At that point, he heard a walkie-talkie squawk, and thought thieves don't usually do things like that and so said "hello...?" down the stairs. Yes, it was the cops.

Turns out the back door was a little tricky, and sometimes didn't latch. My friend's neighbour noticed the door was open, and called the cops.

The next morning he knocked on the neighbour's door, asked "what do you drink?" and bought him a really nice bottle of scotch.

[Vieux Normand]

Only time this happened to me--years ago, when I lived alone--I was shaving my head early one morning, right after coming home from a night's work at the club.

Stringy-haired guy with big knife ran into the room where this was being accomplished. He looked at me, and I at him.

Then he ran away in the direction he'd come. Face didn't match any of the pix the cops showed me later. No matter. I never saw the guy again.

Total time: less than a minute. Weird.

[slamdunc]

The next morning he knocked on the neighbour's door, asked "what do you drink?" and bought him a really nice bottle of scotch.

A neighbor called the cops and they wanted to confirm the things in his back pack were mine.

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Good neighbors combined with big, mean looking dogs are good answers. I live on a dead end road, I have great neighbors but no dog. The two squad cars sitting in my driveway should be a deterrent, but I never count on **** like that. I simply found the best neighborhood that I can afford. There hasn’t been a crime reported there in the last twelve years, yet I always want to be prepared.

[The Question]

Good neighbors combined with big, mean looking dogs are good answers. I live on a dead end road, I have great neighbors but no dog. The two squad cars sitting in my driveway should be a deterrent, but I never count on **** like that. I simply found the best neighborhood that I can afford. There hasn’t been a crime reported there in the last twelve years, yet I always want to be prepared.

Motherfuckers ain't likely to **** with you son. But 2 motherfucking police cars? Word? You drive both of them or your wife/son is a cop?

[slamdunc]

I work for two different agencies / venues.

[TexJohn]

This is what the **** I do, my friend...



Like a fucking boss.

[battlefields]

"Unless, it's a her?"

This guy is confused about his own statement?