So you're in your house...

**Fuzzy** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 3:14am

UK: 1 room flat. I'm fucked. Assuming I hear them smash open say, the garden gate hopefully I'd have time to go for my bahi stick and the paring knife.

South Africa: Out the back door and over the back wall, there's never just one and they'd have to be pretty serious to get past the Rottweiler and the Doberman/Rottweiler cross.

**Mr. Machette** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 3:16am

I become one with the shadows until the moment they let down their guard.

Then, invoking the sacred Kiai of my ancestors, I'd shout "KAN-CHO!" and Dim Mak from behind:

**alex** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 3:48am

if asleep ill probably get bashed and raped, last house intruder i had was my neighbors 85 year old (extremely confused) mother, and i didnt wake up until she was standing over me. i sleep like a fucking dead person.

if i was awake, i would probably square up and yell "the **** you doing in my house!" based on two experiences where i did the exact same thing-

1- was leaving my older and less secure apartment early in the morning for work and two bozos walked in the door.... they fled. possibly because i was standing right next to a set of drawers with a bunch of boxing trophies on it, possibly because they were smaller than me and white (who knows wtf they were doing)

2- coming home hammered drunk and walking to the wrong apartment, couldnt open the door and when whoever did own it answered i screamed the same thing at them until my girlfriend dragged me away. thats gonna be an awkward apartment block christmas barbeque.

**thrutch** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 4:53am

Originally Posted by slamdunc

double-click the Stinger into strobe mode

I have absolutely no idea what this means, but it sounds awesome.

**erezb** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 5:00am

Call the cops..but now that i think of it, im going to put a good hunting knife next to the bed.
In Israel most doors are very good (steal), and there are bars on the windows.
http://www.google.co.il/imgres?start...36,s:200,i:112

**thrutch** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 5:03am

As far as the OP goes, I really don't know. I have the following "weapons" in reasonably close range to my bedroom:

bo
sai
foam nunchaku

if the intruder starts coming up the stairs I will don my gi and LARP him to within an inch of his life.

***DerAuslander*** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 7:25am

Wait.

**ermghoti** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 7:29am

Two words: lube up the gimp suit!

**thrutch** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 7:56am

Originally Posted by ermghoti

Two words: lube up the gimp suit!

One word: **** YEAH!

**Chili Pepper** · Posted On: 10/16/2012 8:15am

These days I live in an apartment, so if someone kicked in the front door, they'd be face-to-face with me almost immediately. I've got the flashlight and the tac-wak (AKA "Full Disclosure") right beside the bed.

Three or four years ago when I was a homeowner, I was doing some reno work at the top of the stairs. I was alone in the house, it was late at night, and I had the music up loud. For whatever reason, I happened to glance down the stairs just in time to see a shadow move (I had no pets at that time).

I dropped the plaster knife, grabbed the tomahawk (yes, a tomahawk. Am I the only one who uses a 'hawk when doing drywall?) and let out a "HOLY ****!" ... and then my student Ken sheepishly stuck his head around the corner, and apologized for startling me. He had keys to my place, and was just dropping some stuff off for me.