Texas sucks

**TEA** · Posted On: 9/27/2012 2:16pm

I was contemplating jumping into this train wreck of a thread to point out that shitty cops are everywhere - whether they're beating motorists in LA, shooting suspects trying to pull their wallets out to show ID in New York, or on the subways of London because apparently Brazilians look a lot like Arab terrorists. I was going to try and make that argument, but then I heard about this. OK, y'all are right, apparently Texas does suck because Texans elect some of the biggest douchebag idiots in American politics.

Continue on.

**Ignorami** · Posted On: 9/27/2012 2:31pm

Originally Posted by hungryjoe

http://2010.census.gov/news/releases.../cb12-146.html

US census 2010

Next to Other Asian, where is says "Print Race"...

For a moment I honestly read it as "Pirate Race".
I thought to myself: "****, you win!"

**Tom .C** · Posted On: 9/27/2012 2:41pm

Originally Posted by TEA

I was contemplating jumping into this train wreck of a thread to point out that shitty cops are everywhere - whether they're beating motorists in LA, shooting suspects trying to pull their wallets out to show ID in New York, or on the subways of London because apparently Brazilians look a lot like Arab terrorists. I was going to try and make that argument, but then I heard about this. OK, y'all are right, apparently Texas does suck because Texans elect some of the biggest douchebag idiots in American politics.

Continue on.

In all fairness, he was just trying to say that he is a big stupid idiot who shouldn't be allowed to speak in public but it all came out wrong. It all came out as "BLAHBLAHBLAH..Ottoman Empire stuff...BLAHBLAHBLAH." He further meant to explain that he has no idea about anything, but it all came out like "Obama bad...Muslim stuff...BLAHBLAHBLAH...etc." Someone took the mic. from him then and he wandered off to stand next to his desk where he would wait for himself to show up for most of the rest of the day.

**TEA** · Posted On: 9/27/2012 6:18pm

Originally Posted by Ignorami

Next to Other Asian, where is says "Print Race"...

For a moment I honestly read it as "Pirate Race".
I thought to myself: "****, you win!"

If we had a significant portion of the Texas population self identifying as members of the Pirate Race then Texas would not only not suck but would be the coolest state in the Union. Too bad we can only claim Jean Lafitte.

**Tom .C** · Posted On: 9/27/2012 7:40pm

Originally Posted by TEA

If we had a significant portion of the Texas population self identifying as members of the Pirate Race then Texas would not only not suck but would be the coolest state in the Union. Too bad we can only claim Jean Lafitte.

DONE! I am now Pirate American.

**TEA** · Posted On: 9/27/2012 8:36pm

Fewer police shootings because the police would have to worry about retaliation from angry pirate crews.
Pickup trucks with cannons would totally rock.
Parrot poop wedges on the driver's side of pickups rather than chewing tobacco spit wedges.
More pirate hats and fewer cowboy hats.
Cowboy boots don't fit on peg legs.

**Vince Tortelli** · Posted On: 9/27/2012 9:53pm

Originally Posted by TEA

If we had a significant portion of the Texas population self identifying as members of the Pirate Race.......Too bad we can only claim Jean Lafitte.

What a strange way to spell Louisiana wrong.

As for the OP:
You'd be amazed at the terrible, terrible things that can be done to the human body with a Bic ink pen...but I suppose my personal 2nd hand anecdotes aren't admissable as evidence.

**Devil** · Posted On: 9/27/2012 10:03pm

Originally Posted by Vince Tortelli

You'd be amazed at the terrible, terrible things that can be done to the human body with a Bic ink pen...but I suppose my personal 2nd hand anecdotes aren't admissable as evidence.

If this is leading to a Tortelli family story, count me in. What the **** happened to the Tortelli family stories, anyway? I was a big fan.

**Vince Tortelli** · Posted On: 9/27/2012 10:22pm

Originally Posted by Devil

If this is leading to a Tortelli family story, count me in. What the **** happened to the Tortelli family stories, anyway? I was a big fan.

I've been a bit too busy, but if I can dig up the old thread (Tortella tells some stories was the title I believe) I may throw a few more in.

And these would be from when my brother and I worked at LSP (I'm currently back in school, he is...pursuing many options as he makes a voyage of self discovery). Basically one inmate removed the metal part from inside his pen's plastic case, walked into another dormitory while everyone was napping, and took another ward of society's eyeball out with it...and it turned out the guy he stabbed wasn't even the one he was having trouble with.

Prisoner: "Warden, I'm so sorry I done stabbed the wrong guy."
Warden: (who had recently gone to bat to get this genius a better living assingment)
"I'm sorry you stabbed anybody!"

And my brother had to secure the scene after a 50ish gentlemen's 20 year old cell mate wouldn't stop talking when asked, so the older gentleman put an entire Bic ink pen into his shoulder up to the cap. So...yeah. Writing utensils are no joke.

**Bneterasedmynam** · Posted On: 9/28/2012 10:21am

Originally Posted by Vince Tortelli

I've been a bit too busy, but if I can dig up the old thread (Tortella tells some stories was the title I believe) I may throw a few more in.

And these would be from when my brother and I worked at LSP (I'm currently back in school, he is...pursuing many options as he makes a voyage of self discovery). Basically one inmate removed the metal part from inside his pen's plastic case, walked into another dormitory while everyone was napping, and took another ward of society's eyeball out with it...and it turned out the guy he stabbed wasn't even the one he was having trouble with.

Prisoner: "Warden, I'm so sorry I done stabbed the wrong guy."
Warden: (who had recently gone to bat to get this genius a better living assingment)
"I'm sorry you stabbed anybody!"

And my brother had to secure the scene after a 50ish gentlemen's 20 year old cell mate wouldn't stop talking when asked, so the older gentleman put an entire Bic ink pen into his shoulder up to the cap. So...yeah. Writing utensils are no joke.

This argument be slightly more valid if it were not for the fact that the guy with the pen was a double amputee in a wheelchair. What was he going to do use the force?? Any object can be a weapon in this guys hand.: