I Got a "Gold Medal" In Push Hands or, LOL Tournaments

**Rivington** · Posted On: 9/23/2012 7:46pm

Originally Posted by PointyShinyBurn

So the XTREME push hands is basically Sumo on carpet for some reason?

Without a belt.

I really cannot understand how it's possible to judge, compete in or deterministically predict the outcome of a rule system where the idea is to make someone step by pushing them, but only if you push them really gently. It's like a football match where kicking it towards the goal is a foul.

Nuts, innit?

**Lindz** · Posted On: 9/23/2012 8:18pm

Originally Posted by Hedgehogey

So how easy do you think it would be for a bored judoka or greco person to just cram, cosplay as a taiji person and walk away with a GOLD MEDAL FIRST PLACE NATIONAL LEVEL CHAMPION?

Your only problem would be not getting bored or frustrated and going too hard.

**ChenPengFi** · Posted On: 9/23/2012 8:58pm

Originally Posted by Lindz

Your only problem would be not getting bored or frustrated and going too hard.

That first judge would have a heart attack.

"Warning! WARNING!!! WAH-ARE-NING!1!!!!1! Foufoulfoulfoullll!!!11"

**Lindz** · Posted On: 9/23/2012 9:17pm

I wish we could hear what the ref is saying in the first vid.

**Rivington** · Posted On: 9/23/2012 9:41pm

Between what the mic picked up and memories:

At around 00:15-00:18 she warns us to be calm, not like the guy who was yelling about the unfairness of all the shoving and rushing and wrestling in the previous match.

At 00:42, when she stops us, she lectures Clarita on taiji—strength should be coming from the legs, not the hands. "Your arms are too stiff!"

At 1:21, the judge says "You hit him in the head three times!" and gives Clarita a warning. And then she clarifies that the warning is for all three bonks, not one warning per bonk (which would have ended the match).

At 1:50 she stops us for "locking up" and she claims that there's no "neutralizing" going on.

at 2:28 she is about to stop us again, but then the timekeeper calls time.

During the break she insists that she wants to see taiji, not wrestling, and complains that Clarita is putting her hands wrong in the neutral position.

at 3:51 she stops us because Clarita is hanging on to me to keep her balance.

at 4:22 she really gets annoyed because Clarita had hung on again—despite being cautioned thirty seconds earlier—and pulled me down atop her, and I get a point on the foul. She's basically yelling at the judges that she can't believe that happened again, and warns Clarita that she would be DQed from an exhibition match, which she hastens to add is especially ridiculous.

At 4:56 she complains that Clarita's fingers are pointing at me instead of pointing up.

At 5:21 I get a point for the trip, and the judge tells Clarita that when she feels herself being unbalanced, she should just loosen up and "go out" because being stiff is what led to her tripping and falling over completely. At this point, the judge had stopped being annoyed at Clarita and just started trying to keep her from accidentally hurting herself (which wasn't going to happen unless one of the seated judges decides to hit her with a chair). Clarita responds that she is having a lot of fun.

At 6:00 she calls time.

**PizDoff** · Posted On: 9/23/2012 10:03pm

And it is the start of something beautiful.

**Bezmond** · Posted On: 9/24/2012 6:12am

Rivington, why do none of the guys from the "bad ass" group enter the competition?

and congratulations on your medal.

**W. Rabbit** · Posted On: 9/24/2012 7:37am

Originally Posted by Rivington

lost almost twenty pounds

Winner.

**Rivington** · Posted On: 9/24/2012 10:59am

Originally Posted by Bezmond

Rivington, why do none of the guys from the "bad ass" group enter the competition?

Some of them do have tourney experience of various sorts—this particular ICMAC circuit is relatively new and was on the ass end of San Francisco. Probably a combination of long experience with bullshit tournaments, being old, being more interested in whatever in-school things they have going on (it's easy to be the champ when your teacher runs the show!), and preferring the tournaments that crop up in the East Bay. A couple of the people from Bad-Ass Park did run a seminar on Friday night about pushing hands, but blew off Saturday judging. (I didn't attend any Friday seminars; it's easy enough to find someone ready to lecture about push hands for free by standing in a park and waiting five minutes.) One was to judge on Saturday, but did not appear.

**Sri Hanuman** · Posted On: 9/24/2012 11:18am

Why does no one ever punch the douchy judges? They have all that Doritos qi to protect them.

Srsly comrade, congratulations.
Also, gwailo need more "soong!" Too much eksternal force, too much "li." you bring many shame to elderly Chinese women and overweight sifu in neoprene pajama!!!