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  1. itwasntme is online now
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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 9:14pm

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by It is Fake View Post
    Heard? You get those sources and I will change my mind. Oh and Joint isn't always what you think.
    One is a poster here that came out on top, not just 50/50 if I recall correctly. The other is my attorney.

    Edit: Here joint custody is what I'm thinking.
    Last edited by itwasntme; 9/04/2012 9:18pm at .
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  2. It is Fake is offline
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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 9:20pm

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Here you go:
    http://www.childcustodycoach.com/chi...statistics.php
    According to the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), nearly 75 percent of all child custody awards are made to the mother. Only about 10 percent of child custody awards are made to fathers. The rest of the child custody awards involve some sort of joint custody arrangement.

    Recent Census Bureau child custody statistics also indicate that nearly 40 percent of all noncustodial fathers have no access to or visitation rights with their children.
    Realize, that you have to get the woman you are divorcing to AGREE to filing in that state, get the courts to let you get divorced in that state and then get there to sign for joint custody. Sorry, in my world, if there is only a 15% chance of success, that 40% of noncustodial fathers have no visitation, I'm making sure I operate as a pessimist.

    These stats are US wide and I am not trying to say they are 100% fact. There are your percentages and take them how you will.
    \
    Quote Originally Posted by itwasntme View Post

    Edit: Here joint custody is what I'm thinking.
    You need to have your lawyer educate on the different types that exist. No, not all joint custody is created equal. That is why I said "it isn't what you think."

    Watch your wallet.
    Last edited by It is Fake; 9/04/2012 9:25pm at .
  3. itwasntme is online now
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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 9:36pm

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by It is Fake View Post
    Sorry, in my world, if there is only a 15% chance of success, that 40% of noncustodial fathers have no visitation, I'm making sure I operate as a pessimist.
    Understandable. I'm not meaning to sound cocky, I just wanted him to know there could be hope.

    You need to have your lawyer educate on the different types that exist.
    It was explained to me. Maybe not in the detail you are implying though as they knew what I wanted out of a possible custody battle, which is definitely not every other weekend and alternating holidays.

    Watch your wallet.
    Is this advice on the lawyer?
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  4. jnp is offline
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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 9:37pm

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    From my observations, women tend to lawyer up MUCH sooner than men. This does not work in our favor.

    The guy will still be thinking maybe there is a way to split in a friendly manner while the woman has been documenting events favorable to her cause for months.
    Shut the hell up and train.
  5. dflanmod is offline
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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 9:40pm

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    Quote Originally Posted by itwasntme View Post
    Ok, could you elaborate on this? In what ways is the system geared for women to control everything?

    I realise most every court system will only take the child from it's mother in the worst of scenarios, but I have heard of plenty of places that are father friendly in that the judges lean more towards a split custody agreement if that's what the father pursues (assuming there is no evident reason the father should be restricted in his custody).
    Every state is different. It seems some states are more progressive while others seem to cling to the old give the mother everything approach. this is where your lawyer comes in handy.

    My state is more father friendly than some others which has worked out well for me but not so well for my fiance. Her ex is a twice convicted felon and everytime he went to court he walked away with a little more custody and was working up to 50 percent.

    In my state there are two forms of custody, physical and legal. When I first got divorced She had 100 percent physical and I got visitation. We each had 50 percent legal custody. So while I got to share the decisions about which school they went to and the like the children lived with her.

    So as others have said..... Doccument everything, I mean everything. I would even record conversations (legal???). And lawyer.

    PS. If you ever get the chance sit through some Family court sessions. Fucking hell there are a lot of fucked up families out there and sometimes the decisions handed out just make you go WTF.
    Last edited by dflanmod; 9/04/2012 9:51pm at .
  6. It is Fake is offline
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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 9:44pm

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    Quote Originally Posted by itwasntme View Post
    Understandable. I'm not meaning to sound cocky, I just wanted him to know there could be hope.
    I'd be giving you **** if I thought that and I wouldn't have shown you stats. His hope is that he gets visitation that he wants and it can happen. My point is that unless you are in specific states, no it isn't plenty, it is going to be an uphill battle. You have to do everything to get joint unless, he can convince her to sign something now.


    It was explained to me. Maybe not in the detail you are implying though as they knew what I wanted out of a possible custody battle, which is definitely not every other weekend and alternating holidays.
    You aren't married and what they tell you, is going to be worlds different from what they tell him. No offense, but he has a whole SLEW of things that you will not encounter like Alimony. There are so many things that can affect custody, IMO, the best case scenario is to cover your ass and prepare for the worst.
    Quote Originally Posted by jnp View Post
    From my observations, women tend to lawyer up MUCH sooner than men. This does not work in our favor.

    The guy will still be thinking maybe there is a way to split in a friendly manner while the woman has been documenting events favorable to her cause for months.
    Truth.
    Last edited by It is Fake; 9/04/2012 9:49pm at .
  7. patfromlogan is offline
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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 9:48pm

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    Quote Originally Posted by jnp View Post
    From my observations, women tend to lawyer up MUCH sooner than men. This does not work in our favor.

    The guy will still be thinking maybe there is a way to split in a friendly manner while the woman has been documenting events favorable to her cause for months.
    Utah is father friendly, Texas is not, from what I hear. You've gotten good advice, starting with hungryjoe; get a good lawyer, try to maintain friendly with the wife - even if it means biting your tongue. In court it will look better if you have taken the high road and if she has been keeping you away from the kids (assuming you split and it's worse case scenario time) it will look bad to the judge for her. The court will take the children's interest as paramount, at least a good court.
    "Preparing mentally, the most important thing is, if you aren't doing it for the love of it, then don't do it." - Benny Urquidez
  8. itwasntme is online now
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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 9:53pm

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Ah, I was afraid that may be the case.
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  9. Omega Supreme is offline

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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 10:02pm

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by itwasntme View Post
    Ok, could you elaborate on this? In what ways is the system geared for women to control everything?

    I realise most every court system will only take the child from it's mother in the worst of scenarios, but I have heard of plenty of places that are father friendly in that the judges lean more towards a split custody agreement if that's what the father pursues (assuming there is no evident reason the father should be restricted in his custody).
    I've had to be witness in over 1/2 dozen custody battles. It is absolutely geared this way.
  10. It is Fake is offline
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    Posted On:
    9/04/2012 10:05pm

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    Quote Originally Posted by Omega Supreme View Post
    I've had to be witness in over 1/2 dozen custody battles. It is absolutely geared this way.
    That's why I said "states" in my explanation. I was in the middle of two and have watched 3 others. All, but one, were geared exactly the opposite.

    I'll agree in some areas it is getting better. In another 10 years it may be completely judged on the merits of the case. That would be nice.
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